HOOTERS

2 Samuel 11, "In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army... But David remained in Jerusalem. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, 'Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?' Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her."

"It is okay to look, if you don't touch." This is what I have heard my entire life. "Guys just do that, they can't help it," is another one. "After you are married, you can do anything with your husband as long as you both consent." Another lie. It starts simple, as simple as going to restaurants like HOOTERS and having their wings. People take their kids in there all of the time, instructing their children on how dad looks, but doesn't touch. It started that way with David and Bathsheba as well. David should have been fighting with his men, but instead he was left alone with his own appetite. He was a king. He was powerful and he could do what ever he wanted. It started with a look. A simple look that never hurts anyone. A look that destroys lives. It happens all the time.

That is how it started with me. It started with my ex husband's addiction to pornography. I thought it was no big deal. It was a big deal, for I could never satisfy him. This is what led me to stripping. While I was the eye candy of many men, my own husband was never satisfied. His mind was raging with women. He was trapped so far into pornography, right and wrong were no longer even in the hemisphere. The trap is set, for your eye has been searching the menu and once you have tasted one, you have to go for another. When you are constantly looking at all the delicacies, eating from the same table never becomes satisfactory if the menu says you can try something new. You turn on the TV to watch a football game, your mind is drawn to the cheerleaders and commercials. From billboards, to when you walk into church and you see a woman in a spaghetti strapped dress with her back exposed, men who are addicted to pornography cannot turn off their minds from noticing the menu.

“There are many many angles at which you can fall, but only one angle at which you can stand straight. Civilization dominated by herself today is testing the angles... Intense is the agony, when the eye begins to see, when the ear begins to hear, when the pulse begins to pound, when the heart begins to throb, when the soul feels its flesh, and when the flesh feels its chains. He moves from rejection to alienation to domination and finally condemnation.” (RZ) There is nothing more tragic than watching men fall to the lie and trap of pornography. I have seen it; I have experienced it from every angle.

I have never been with a man who was more dissatisfied than I was with my ex. Nothing I ever did could satisfy him, and trust me I did it all. I was willing to do what ever he wanted, but it was never enough for he was ragging with the menu in front of him. I have never had a more satisfied sexual experience that what I have with my husband, Jason now. He never believed the lie of pornography and so we both live a very fulfilled sexual life. One big difference as a woman, I don't have to preform for my husband. If your husband is into pornography, you are always having to preform, but now I just enjoy what God gave us to enjoy. There is no competition. There is just love between a husband and his wife. “You are only as sick as your secrets.” (Ruth Graham)
If you are addicted to pornography, trust me, get help so that you can learn what true satisfaction is, before you destroy your wife, your children and your life.

Matthew 5:27, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." It is a heart thing and it destroys lives. If your husband is addicted to pornography, please do not divorce him. It is something that is tearing him apart, help him. (The hard part is for you as a wife not to take it personally. I am telling you from experience, it is not you and how you look. It is his heart and his heart is dying.) I did it wrong! I fed my ex's appetite instead of helping him. There will never be rest in my heart for that one, for pornography almost destroyed the both of us. I was weak and I had bought the lie that it was okay. When you can learn what true fulfillment is all about, you can have the most fulfilling sexual life as husband and wife. That is what it is all about. Nothing is better, I promise.

Hole in your Heart

Genesis 29:31ff, "When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, He enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive. So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “The Lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.” She soon became pregnant again and gave birth to another son. She named him Simeon, for she said, “The Lord heard that I was unloved and has given me another son.” Then she became pregnant a third time and gave birth to another son. She named him Levi, for she said, “Surely this time my husband will feel affection for me, since I have given him three sons!” Once again Leah became pregnant and gave birth to another son. She named him Judah, for she said, “Now I will praise the Lord!” And then she stopped having children."

Since the curse, women have been looking to the wrong place to find their love and fulfillment. We turn to a man, instead of God. Leah had a hard start with her marriage from the beginning. Jacob was deceived when he married her. Leah spent all of her energy trying to gain the love of a man, who did not love her in return. This happens all of the time. Just recently, I heard about a young girl getting pregnant and thinking that her boyfriend would love her now. Nothing would separate them, for now she was going to have his child. Women do this with their husbands all of the time. I have done it with both of my husbands. We beg and plead with them in different ways, trying to gain their attention and their constant approval. We become this crazy, needy, nagging woman that will never be satisfied. We start ragging with jealousy about anything that draws away our husbands attention. Then we say, "but if he would just do what he needs to do and love me, then I would not act this way." Really! Rachel had all of that, but it is never enough. "When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister. She pleaded with Jacob, 'Give me children, or I’ll die!'” ,(30:1).

It wasn't until Leah said, "Now I will praise the Lord!” It was then that she finally received some peace, for she finally turned her attention to God. She stopped searching for her husband to fill her longing and she finally relaxed with her Lord. God was blessing her and giving her what she needed. If she could have kept that attention there, she could have found peace there. But, all too often our constant want for our husband drives us back to craziness. The worst mistakes I have ever made in my life, were the ones I made trying to win my husband's attention and approval. We go crazy while we are looking at a man to satisfy us. We become this ugly, bitter, needy, unappreciative, constantly driven woman that no man would ever want. Why we think our husbands would want us, is all part of the craziness.

Learning to look to God for my satisfaction has been a constant struggle for me. Sometimes it is a matter of just biting my tongue, holding back what I really want to say, till the feeling passes. During this time, I must be cautious of my actions so that my face does not say what I am forcing my tongue not to say. It is work, seeking my Lord's love and not constantly looking to my husband to fill that place. I know that no man can ever give me what my God can. At times I forget this. It is in those moments that I feel the most strife in my marriage. When I direct the right attention and the right wanting in the right place, this is when I am the most satisfied. Everyone gives excuses, "But if he would do... Then I would be happy." That is a lie that Satan uses to keep you in your misery. That man will never fill you. No man can. That hole in your heart, only God can fill it. That hole started in the garden. That was a place designed for you and God alone. When you look at your husband, look at him and realize that he is fallen too. He is not, nor ever will be the perfect man that will always meet your every need. He can't. Who are you looking to, to fill that hole in your heart?

Common Sense is Not that Common

Genesis 25:27-34, "One day when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau arrived home from the wilderness exhausted and hungry. Esau said to Jacob, 'I’m starved! Give me some of that red stew!' 'All right,' Jacob replied, 'but trade me your rights as the firstborn son.' 'Look, I’m dying of starvation!' said Esau. 'What good is my birthright to me now?' But Jacob said, 'First you must swear that your birthright is mine.' So Esau swore an oath, thereby selling all his rights as the firstborn to his brother, Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and lentil stew. Esau ate the meal, then got up and left. He showed contempt for his rights as the firstborn."

Common sense is not that common. Common sense is too often something learned, after being reckless with what we have been given to begin with. This story is the story of my life. How ridiculous! Too often I was willing to trade my future for the instant gratification, of the thrill of satisfaction, right now. People who do not have common sense, do not look ahead to see what consequences may follow in the decisions they are making in the moment. It can even be something as simple as the way you dress. Living in Gunnison, I have learned that you need to think ahead when you leave the house. It is wise to dress in layers. When you leave, it may be warm, but in 30 minutes a storm could move in and you wished you had another shirt. So it is wise to take layers of clothes, that you can take off or put on. When I was young, I did not use wisdom in the way that I dressed, but it was more than just about layering.

I so wanted others to notice me. I wanted to stand out and draw others attention. It started with little things, like wearing a shirt that would gap if I bent over. I knew what I was doing. I was drawing attention, but hiding my intent by looking mostly presentable. When the opportunity would arise, then I would simply show what I wanted to, give that little invitation. The part that I was not paying attention to, was the long term affects that simple action would do to my heart. You see it starts so subconsciously, so subtle. Then as your heart gets accustomed to the feelings of being noticed, your clothing becomes more provocative and brazen. Till you do not see yourself as others see you. But, the beautiful thing is that your heart is always crying out for protection. You just may not realize that is what is happening, because instead of change, our tendency is to become defensive.

I remember one day my mother made a comment about the shirt that I was wearing. I got so hurt. I became so defensive. How dare her attack me like that. I was so wrong. She was not attacking me, she was only making an observation and I took defense. It was my heart crying out for protection. My defense was my heart begging for someone to save me from the destruction I was causing to myself. So here is what I have learned, if you immediately get hurt and get defensive when someone addresses something, it may be your heart needs healing. Instead of attacking that person, maybe we need to stop and look at what is really behind our reaction. Maybe it is your heart crying out, begging you to look ahead at what could be a devastating consequence for you in the future. You may be selling your birthright right now, for a pleasure that will only bring you regret in the long run.

Sodom and Gomorrah

I have started over in my reading of the bible. This time I am going through and reading the different inserts my bible has about the people and places discussed. Along with reading the inserts, I am also reading the passages around the inserts for my study. I have the New Living, Life Application Study Bible. My reading this morning has been around Genesis 19. The inserts have been about Abraham and Sarah, (The inserts don't always follow the theme of the chapter around them). The insert on Abraham says, "We all know that there are consequences to any action we take. What we do can set into motion a series of events that may continue long after we are gone. Unfortunately, when we are making a decision most of us think only of the immediate consequences. These are often misleading because they are short lived." Sarah's insert says, "There probably isn't anything harder to do than wait...One way we often cope with a long wait is to begin helping God get His plan into action...Another way we cope with a long wait is to gradually conclude that what we're waiting for is never going to happen." Crazy, but this is not where my reading has been. My reading has been about Sodom and Gomorrah.

Genesis 19, is a very disturbing chapter for me. There is nothing about it that is easy. From the men being so sexually wrong that they try and tear down the door to get to the other men, and Lot trying to give the men his virgin daughters instead; to his daughters, later, getting him drunk so their father would sleep with them, the whole thing is just messed up! So, what is the sin of Sodom, some may ask. Its not what you may think. Ezekiel 16:49, "Sodom’s sins were pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door. She was proud and committed detestable sins, so I wiped her out, as you have seen." Every sexual sin, every detestable act of Sodom can be summed up in these three characteristics we all possess; pride, laziness, and gluttony.

Our pride, it helps us with our sin. Everyone of us has it. None of us want to admit it. The consequence is what happens after we have been living in it. Gluttony, our nation is swimming in this one. Laziness, there is always something that we need to be doing, but because we are lazy we would rather, not. Everyone of us, have to answer some day to the consequences of our sin. Too often many consequences are put upon us by someone else's sin. Lot's daughters were victims of their fathers sin, but later they chose to live in his sin and their children paid a high price for generations, afterwards. We all become gluttons in whatever sin we are feeding, and we all can be accused of being lazy, for it is hard work to overcome the addictions we feed. But pride, pride is the one that starts it all. We seem to think that we will be able to live a certain way and not have to face our sin like others. We think that we are different and our pride keeps us from seeing the truth at how truly harmful our acts really are.

Here's the cool part, we serve a God who never takes His vows lightly. He will honor His word, but we have a part in this covenant as well. We have to see ourselves for what we really are. We have to see the truth of our sin, otherwise we will always keep making excuses. Then He can partner with us and help to change our future, and our children's. So when the temptation comes upon you to say, "but my sins are not that bad..." Really? The sins of Sodom and Gomorrah were pride, laziness, and gluttony. Be patient as you work with God. Work with Him. Do not take your situation in your own hands, but let Him lead you. Ezekiel 16:61ff, "Then you will remember with shame all the evil you have done. I will make your sisters, Samaria and Sodom, to be your daughters, even though they are not part of our covenant. And I will reaffirm my covenant with you, and you will know that I am the Lord. You will remember your sins and cover your mouth in silent shame when I forgive you of all that you have done. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken!” Look at the truth that is trying to be covered with a lie. Look to the Cross, so that we can learn to live free!

Truth Lies in the Lie

How many times have we said, "But its not my fault, if they wouldn't have... I wouldn't have..." The truth lies in the lie. There are consequences for all of us. The hardest consequences are the ones that we must look at and take responsibility for ourselves. Those actions that we want to blame on another person, but ultimately we are the ones that did that action, that got that consequence. The story of Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, and Ishmael is full of bad decisions made by other people, then entangled with personal bad decisions that made matters even worse.

Genesis 16, "Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, 'The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.' And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt... (21:9), But Sarah saw Ishmael—the son of Abraham and her Egyptian servant Hagar—making fun of her son, Isaac."

The trail of bad decisions in this story is almost sickening. Hagar a slave had no ability to defend herself and not sleep with Abraham, but she did have the ability to control her attitude afterwards toward Sarah. (I don't now how, but she did.) Her bad attitude rubbed off on her son Ishmael, and he became a man who was always against everyone, fighting for everything. Much of what happened to him cannot be blamed on Ishmael. He was caught in a whirlwind of contempt and hate between his mother and Sarah. "However, his own actions showed that he had chosen to become part of the problem and not part of the solution. He chose to live under his circumstances rather than above them."

I have chosen this cycle of victim decision making so many times in my life. When my friends would want to go out and party, I made my own night even worse by not only joining them, but one upping them with my own foolishness. When my ex wanted me to do certain things, I chose to be the victim and made his desires even worse by my own choices. While I was doing these thing, I never took responsibility for my choices, but blamed others for my consequences. I thought this was easier than taking responsibility myself, but what it ultimately gave me was more heartache than I could have ever dreamed. I still have the tendency to blame others for my bad attitude. Instead of taking responsibility for how I act, I tend to blame someone else and say, "If you hadn't done... then I wouldn't have lost my temper."

Oswald Chambers, " God came in the flesh to take sin away, not to accomplish something for Himself. The Cross is the central event in time and eternity, and the answer to all the problems of both. The Cross is not the cross of a man, but the Cross of God, and it can never be fully comprehended through human experience. The Cross is God exhibiting His nature. It is the gate through which any and every individual can enter into oneness with God. But it is not a gate we pass right through; it is one where we abide in the life that is found there."

There are so many situations that we find ourselves in, that are not our fault. How we act in those situations, now that is our responsibility. We cannot go around as a victim for the rest of our life, and continue on in making a bad situation even worse, by our own attitude or actions. We have Christ to help us live as we should no matter what situation we find ourself in. Our responsibility lies in the choices we make while we are in that situation. This is the point of Christ and the Cross, not necessarily to change our situation, but to change our heart. How are our actions and attitude in our situation? We may not be able to change others or our situation, but have we allowed Him to change us.

http://utmost.org/the-collision-of-god-and-sin/

Same Old Story

Yesterday at church, was the same old story that we have all heard a thousand times before. Nothing new, the resurrection of Christ. To some the story seems mundane. To some the only stories they hear from the pulpit are the birth, death, and resurrection stories. They hear a lesson preached from the pulpit, two maybe three times a year. They walk in, do their duty for the year, and walk out thinking, "nothing new there." Nothing new there, must resound in their ears, but to those of us that have tasted the sweet taste of forgiveness, we know there is something new there, every day. I always see something new...

John 20, "So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed...She turned to leave and saw someone standing there. It was Jesus, but she didn’t recognize Him. 'Dear woman, why are you crying?' Jesus asked her. 'Who are you looking for?' She thought He was the gardener. 'Sir,' she said, 'if you have taken Him away, tell me where you have put Him, and I will go and get Him.' 'Mary!' Jesus said. She turned to Him and cried out, 'Rabboni!'”

The story is written so that we can see their fear, their pain, their joy. I love it. The one disciple got their first. He ran hard and fast, yet he did not proceed into the tomb, but Peter went on into take a closer look. I can see how we approach our own search for Him in the same way. Some of us jump and start running. We proceed very fast with our journey in faith, but so often when something unexpected comes upon us, we pause and do not dare to get any closer. Yet, others travel much more slowly. (Probably no one has looked at this story and said that Peter was the more cautious one, but this is how I see it NEW today.) Their journey with their faith in Christ takes them time and they use caution and discernment, before they commit their lives to Him. Oh, but once they commit, their faith is strong and their commitment is everlasting. They become the determined ones, the one that do not waiver and the ones that proceed unhindered when the waves of life are upon them. Still others are passionate about their life with Him, but when life is hard we often do not recognize Him in the pain. We question everything and everyone, wondering how and why. But then, after He has allowed our questioning for a time, He looks at us, takes our face into His hands, and says, "Can you see Me now? I never left you."

Oswald Chambers, "It was not death on the cross that Jesus agonized over in Gethsemane. In fact, He stated very emphatically that He came with the purpose of dying. His concern here was that He might not get through this struggle as the Son of Man. He was confident of getting through it as the Son of God— Satan could not touch Him there. But Satan’s assault was that our Lord would come through for us on His own solely as the Son of Man...The agony in Gethsemane was the agony of the Son of God in fulfilling His destiny as the Savior of the world. The veil is pulled back here to reveal all that it cost Him to make it possible for us to become sons of God. His agony was the basis for the simplicity of our salvation. The Cross of Christ was a triumph for the Son of Man. It was not only a sign that our Lord had triumphed, but that He had triumphed to save the human race. Because of what the Son of Man went through, every human being has been provided with a way of access into the very presence of God."

This is not the same old story. This is the story of my salvation. This is the only way that any of us will ever be able to live forever. This is the only way that we have redemption. I am so thankful that He understands my pain, my weak humanness. I am so thankful that He paid my debt, so that I do not have to live in guilt and condemnation, separated from God forever. After you seek, you shall find. After you cry, you shall sing. After you feel the pain, He will heal. It is about listening to Him. Then, His story is new every day. It is all about the Birth, Death, and Resurrection of Christ. The question is, where are you in His story?

http://utmost.org/his-agony-and-our-access/

Exposed

Today is good Friday. All this week I have been reading Matthew 21-27, looking at what happened after Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem. He entered the city with shouts of joy from the crowd. They were praising Him, "'Hosanna to the Son of David!' 'Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!' 'Hosanna in the highest!'" I have been concentrating on what lead to the dramatic change of events. They went from praising Him, to shouting, "Crucify Him!" So what happened what changed them so dramatically. Most of the time we concentrate our study on the second coming, or on Mary anointing Jesus' feet, or Peter's denial, or even Judas' betrayal, but I have wanted to know what really set things in motion. The truth is what set peoples hearts on fire against Him. It really was not truth about Him, but truth about them.

(23:1-36), "Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, 'The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees are the official interpreters of the law of Moses. So practice and obey whatever they tell you, but don’t follow their example. For they don’t practice what they teach. They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden. Everything they do is for show... Hypocrites!... Hypocrites!... Hypocrites! Blind guides!... Hypocrites!'"

It was Jesus pointing out the truth in people that turned the crowds. No one likes to be exposed for what they really are. We try to cover and hide our sinful nature. We don't want others to tell us that we are wrong. We can all be put into the category of hypocrite. We want people to think that we are mostly good at heart, but when someone comes and exposes what we are doing as the truth, we want to fight against them and turn others against them as well. It isn't just the "teachers" that do this, but everyone. We all want everyone to agree with our life choices. We all want to say that what we do is not really all that bad. It is hard when someone calls us out and exposes us. Our tendency is to fight against the truth others see in us, until the bottom falls out and there is no other way to run from it. The problem with this approach, is the destruction we cause along the way.

Oswald Chambers, "When Paul received his sight, he also received spiritual insight into the Person of Jesus Christ. His entire life and preaching from that point on were totally consumed with nothing but Jesus Christ— 'For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified' ( 1 Corinthians 2:2 ). Paul never again allowed anything to attract and hold the attention of his mind and soul except the face of Jesus Christ... Never allow anything to divert you from your insight into Jesus Christ. It is the true test of whether you are spiritual or not. To be unspiritual means that other things have a growing fascination for you. Since mine eyes have looked on Jesus, I’ve lost sight of all beside, So enchained my spirit’s vision, Gazing on the Crucified." Allow Jesus to expose the truth in your life. Allow Him to take away what you thought was pleasing, gratifying, and ultimately your destruction, so that you can finally walk free. Once your eyes are opened to the truth, the truth shall set you free. Take a look at the cross. How has your life lead to the Crucifixion of Christ?

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/04/02/devotion.aspx?year=2010