Religious, I Don't Think So

I felt a sting today, something that I did not see coming. Someone that I do not know yet, but they saw my profile on Face Book, addressed me as religious. I seem to always get a sour feeling within, when I am put in that mold. The last thing that I see myself as, is religious. Yes, I talk a lot about God, but religious I am not. Let me explain, if I can. Never did Christ ask us to become religious. He asked us to love Him and others around us. You see, I am not religious, but in love. How does anyone stop talking about the one they are in love with? Young girls concentrate all of their energy and conversations toward their boyfriends. If anyone asks them if they can talk about anything else, their reply is always, "but I am in love." Teenage love, how powerful, how strong. Yet, how fleeting. My love is so strong, so powerful, and lasting. My lover has found me. He called me to be His and to love Him with all of my heart. I think it would be a disgrace to Him if I did not tell others about my love for Him, but please do not confuse this love with being religious.

All of this is really still relatively new to me. This strong love walk started about 4 years ago, when I started seeking Him in the mornings. He grabbed hold of me about 8 years ago and started to change my life, but it was in my early morning hours that I started to fall in love with Him. My love walk started, with me seeking Him, after He had already caught me. Luke 11:9, “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." I knew that just going to church on Sunday mornings was not enough for me. While I need to be in the company of believers, religion was not what I needed. So I started asking Him, begging Him, to reveal Himself to me. And He did! This is when I fell in love.

My Lord, my groom, my love walks with me. He is always right beside me. Psalm 16:5-9, "Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine. The land you have given me is a pleasant land. What a wonderful inheritance! I will bless the Lord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety."

I know what this life is like without my lover, and that journey I never wish to take alone again! Psalm 18:4-6, "The ropes of death entangled me; floods of destruction swept over me. The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path. But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary; my cry to Him reached His ears." You see, at just the right time, He heard me. At just the right time, He saved me. Romans 5:6,"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." At just the right time, He rescued me. So you tell me, how can I stop praising Him for all He has done for me? For He loved me first, while I was still unlovable.

As I look back on my life, my darkest hours were spent alone, without Christ cheering me on. My most glorious moments have been spent with Him walking with me, and sometimes, carrying me forward. In this body I have experience pain and pleasure, but now that I really know Him, how could I even take my next breadth alone. He is my Lover, Redeemer, Savior, My Lord. And as I look forward to all the uncertainties this life will offer, I can place my next step with confidence, because I know who is walking beside me. Thank You Lord, for loving me first, while I was still so unlovable...

Unanswered Prayers

I really want to be able to do this... it may take some time.

The other day I asked to be healed. I have been asking this of God for some time, but the other day I took it to our church. James 5:14, "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well..." So, I did this in faith. We got together and prayer in faith was offered. I just knew that I would walk out of that room a healed woman. I found so much healing there, but what I was asking for, I did not find! I still cannot use my hands. I have to type using one finger at a time. So trust me this is taking some time. I left that room with so many different feelings, but healed was not one of them.

Why? Why does He tell us to come to Him, if He has no intention of answering us? Why does He ask me to put my heart on the line, and trust that I will be healed "instantly?" I come in prayer, fasting, and faith. Does He hear me? Does He care?

These were some of my questions that night and the next morning. I cried in anguish. My heart was broken and my body still dead. But as I cried, my Lord was with me, and I could hear Him. "You are my child. Do you love Me?" Yes Lord, you know that I love you. "Do you know that I love you?" Yes Jesus, I know that You love me. My tears were a steady stream flowing from my face, out of my heart. As the conversation continued, my pain was felt, and my Lord revealed.

I know my Lord. I know what it is like to be truly alone, with no one to hear me cry. I now have a relationship with my Father, and I know that He hears me, for I hear Him. The next night we had the Christmas Eve service at church. When I got there my spirits were better, but my heart was still heavy. Then the service began, and in that worship my joy was renewed. I felt the life of Christ restoring my heart, and I was risen again in Him. It is really not about me. It is not about his birth, miracles He preformed, or the life He led. It is about the Cross. I am sanctified, washed, saved, healed, restored, made new and whole again; all because of the Cross. I am saved because He lived, died, and rose again. He conquered death for me. He paid the debt I owe. I am truly a blessed woman, because I am His child.

My life is renewed and my joy is complete in Him, but I will not stop asking, hoping, and praying for my total physical restoration. He wants me to come to Him with every need. I need to be able to talk with my Lord. I need to know that I am not alone and that He cares. I do this through my prayers with Him. Luke 18:1-8, "Then Jesus told His disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: 'In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.' For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' And the Lord said, 'Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?"

"Oh my God, how I love You. Even when I feel You are not answering my request, I know You are here. Thank You, for being the God that I love and know. Even if in my body I suffer, I am not alone. I thank You most for this. Thank You, for saving me through the Cross. Thank You for loving me more. My request is still the same. Please heal my body, restore the feeling to my hands. But until then, I will sing about my joy in You. I will wait in You, until You heal me..."

Opened Eyes

Genesis 3, "NOW THE serpent was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the Lord God had made. And he [Satan] said to the woman, Can it really be that God has said, You shall not eat from every tree of the garden? And the woman said to the serpent, We may eat the fruit from the trees of the garden, except the fruit from the tree which is in the middle of the garden. God has said, You shall not eat of it, neither shall you touch it, lest you die. But the serpent said to the woman, You shall not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing the difference between good and evil and blessing and calamity. And when the woman saw that the tree was good (suitable, pleasant) for food and that it was delightful to look at, and a tree to be desired in order to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she gave some also to her husband, and he ate."

Every day we are being tempted to know more and do more. For some reason we feel like we will at least be more wise, if we "experience" life. Well, I do feel like I know more now because of the choices that I have made. I know more and I hurt more.

“There are some places you and I ought not to go. There are some things you and I ought not entertain with our eyes. There are some experiences we ought not to reach out and touch. Because almost like a paper thin cut, that can communicate dreadful diseases into the body- there are choices we may make that may seem rather innocuous in the beginning which can be devastating in the long run. Till you yourself will be asking, 'what am I doing here?'” (RZ)

There are some places that I should have never gone. I have seen and done things that no one should ever see or do. Like Eve, I should have never tasted that fruit. Our continual search to become more knowledgeable like God draws us further and further from the truth. Until, we are faced with our own nakedness and shame. Then we no longer hold our head high for fear that "everyone" knows.

Satan is telling lies. I see him lying and deceiving everyone into thinking that today's decision will not affect tomorrow. Our youth are tricked into tasting fruit, they should never taste. Our girls are selling their bodies; most for just someone to tell them they are pretty. Our boys are wrecking their thought life, by not accepting the role they were made for, and becoming strong in themselves. Both are destroying their future fulfillment with sex by their choice in movies, pornography, and where they go for fun. We have all been deceived and are suffering the consequences for our sin. Then those who are older tend to be so ashamed they keep quiet while they watch others stepping into the same trap. Or they point a condemning finger at those who are younger and tell them they are a fool, instead of sharing truth about their own pain. We have become a society of voyeurs. We think that if we are watching someone else do it, then it is not hurting us and it is none of our business. But in reality, what we allow into our hearts, through our eyes and ears, is what we become.

Guard your hearts, for it is the well spring of life. There are some places that you should never go. There are some things that you should never entertain with your eyes or your body. I have a blessed life now with Christ, but there are just some things that I wish I did not know. Run from the lies you are being fed. Hide your eyes from what seems so pleasing. Guard your hearts so that your life will be free.

Wife / Slave

1 Peter 2:18-25, "You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you—not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment...For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps. (3:1-6) In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives...."

Many times people see marriages, as marriages, but there is another side. Sometimes when you are married, you are not in a marriage, but you find that you are a slave. That kind of marriage is the hardest, for you are bound in slavery to the one that said they would love and cherish you. You are bound in slavery, and in slavery, there is really no justice or fairness. You are a slave to the temper, evil desires, and cruelty of another person. I would have to say that being under the title of wife is the cruelest part. When your husband is neglectful, mean, and selfish you find yourself in the loneliest place. Mainly because others are saying that you are not alone, he is with you. But what they do not see is the severe suffering that someone in that position is going through.

The hardest thing is to do what we should, even if the other person is wrong. In our obedience, we are to obey God first. He is our true master, but then give our husbands the respect they have obtained by the title they carry. So I give this charge to you women, who have found that you are actually slaves. Learn who Christ is. Learn how He would act, so you can respond as He would respond. Get on your knees and pray to your savior to come and rescue you. He will hear your prayers. He will give you the strength that you need to endure and make the appropriate choices. I failed on this charge, for I sinned in my obedience to my husband. With my sin in our marriage, I found that I was the one that was wrong. Don't do this. Gain strength from your Lord. Surround yourself with other women who will encourage you. Never try to do this alone, for you will be overcome with his sin upon you.

Take courage is this as well, the rest of 1 Peter3:7, "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." If you find yourself in this situation, consider yourself to be the one with God on your side. Your savior is listening to you and not to your husband, for his prayers are hindered by his actions toward you. Rejoice that your God is the God of justice and love. Rejoice that with His help, we can endure all things. Get on your knees every morning and petition to God your struggles. His army is mighty and His strength is great. He will hear you, so speak to Him.

Just to let you know, I am truly sorry if you are this woman. I failed in this battle, but you do not have to. Gain strength, take courage, for the Lord is on your side.

Role Reversal

1 Peter 1, "So think clearly and exercise self-control... Obey God because you are His children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, 'You must be holy because I am holy.' ...For you have been born again. Your new life did not come from your earthly parents because the life they gave you will end in death. But this new life will last forever because it comes from the eternal, living word of God...”

One of the hardest things that I have to conquer still today, is when I return to my parents home. It is not even that my family is really all that hard to get along with. In reality, I have a very good family that is easy to be around. The hard part comes from me. I have a tendency to forget who I am today, in my home, and become this other person that once lived in their home. I slip back into my old ways of relating with my dad and with my mom. I carry childhood feelings with me when I am around my brothers. Everything reverts back to who I used to be. My attitude changes. I become this little girl, who wants my mom to wait on me. I become this bratty sibling that feels it is all about me. To conquer this I have to change my focus. I have to change my focus away from them changing their behavior toward me, to me changing toward them.

For the past couple of years I have been working on my attitude for when I go home. The entire way to Texas, I am concentrating on me and how I am going to react to everyone. I have no expectations for them. In fact, I expect them to be the same. If I expect them to be different, then I am setting myself up for disappointment and reverting myself.

This last trip home for Thanksgiving was the best yet. Honestly, I do not know if they were different, or if it was me, but it was better. However, I could still see things that I was doing that I need to let go of. I fear that I am still disrespectful to my dad and I hate that. I just want so desperately to connect with him, but somehow the TV always gets in the way. Then the disrespect comes flowing. How sorry I am for this. But for the most part, this trip was better.

When we go back home, it is like we are going back to who we left behind in ourselves. I would have to say that this is why the holidays can be so hard for so many. It is not really them, but who we become when we are around them. So if you look at it as everyone feels this way, they are becoming who they used to be when they are around us. We all are reverting and no one is allowed to be who they are in Christ, now. My mother becomes the mother of a little girl again. My dad becomes the father he used to be, and my brothers become the older brother again. We all revert. I believe the key to this whole family dynamic, begins with me. I am the only one I can control. I have to always be prepared, "think clearly and exercise self-control... Obey God because you are His children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living"

My earthly parents have done their work here. My brothers have loved me as older brothers. My role has changed. I am now the child of God and I must act like it, no matter where I am. So before you revert to who you used to be, remember who you are now, and take that person with you. Have grace for those who are having a hard time as well. Be prepared for yourself, so you don't slip back to who you used to be. Love them. Love yourself. Remember whose you really are now, before the temptation comes for you to slip back. Have a very Merry Christmas.

The War Within

Oswald Chambers, "Life without war is impossible in the natural or the supernatural realm. It is a fact that there is a continuing struggle in the physical, mental, moral, and spiritual areas of life. Health is the balance between theon physical parts of my body and all the things and forces surrounding me. To maintain good health I must have sufficient internal strength to fight off the things that are external...Morally it is the same. Anything that does not strengthen me morally is the enemy of virtue within me. Whether I overcome, thereby producing virtue, depends on the level of moral excellence in my life. But we must fight to be moral. Morality does not happen by accident; moral virtue is acquired."

I feel I am in a continual war for my soul and my body. Having MS, I am required to eat an appropriate diet, so that I can function. If I eat sugar, I run the risk of not being able to use my hands or feel my legs. There is nothing easy about that war. It is hard to eat the things that I should, but I must be very careful and maintain a sense of self control. This war is very visible for everyone who is eating that peace of cake, and asking me to have a slice as well. For those who know my struggles in this area, they see the temptations placed in front of me. They see the war that I must fight, every day. They may not fully understand, but they watch me in my battle. In watching this battle being played out, it is very obvious when I have lost a fight. It is obvious to me and to those who know me. It is the same with the spiritual battles we face everyday. While it is easy to see when I have failed with my diet, it may not be as obvious when we have lost a fight in the spiritual.

As I look back upon my life, there have always been battles at war within me. As I watch others around me, I can see the wars raging within them. When we have shared with others our struggles, it makes our weakness very apparent to them. One of the things that has made me the strongest is in sharing with others. It is in the sharing that we are held accountable and are given the strength to win the war. We may loose many fights, but we can ultimately win the war. But it is in our weakness that His strength comes through for us.
James 4:7-10, "So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up in honor."

It seems so hard to admit when we have failed. We do not need to let our admittance become a crutch, for that is not the point. The point is for us to let the truth be revealed, so that we can no longer live a lie. It is in seeing our self for who we really are, that the Cross becomes clear. It is in letting others see us for truth, that we can no longer live in denial. Everyone is in a battle, everyday. We are all in the physical battle with our health. We are all in a spiritual battle with our choices. The first step in winning the war is to hit our knees and humbly accept help that God is providing for us. We may not win every fight, but every time we admit our weakness, reinforcements can be brought in to strengthen our resistance. It is in becoming weak, that He can give us strength. It is in our shortcomings, that we can be lifted up and made strong. It is in lying to ourselves and others, that the war may be lost. I never would have been able to do anything on my own. It is admitting my weakness, that I have found His strength. Draw close to God and He will draw close to you.

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/12/04/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Foolish Words

James 3:1-12, "Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring."

When I think of all of the evil and wrong things that I have ever done, my words are the worst. My sexual sin with my ex husband, started with words. My words to him were turned into poison, as they fed his sin, my heart was being trained for even more evil. Prov 5:3, "For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword." I once went fishing for men. My body was the bait, but my words were the hook that kept them coming back to the same trap. If there ever was a woman that knew the power of words, it is me. The hard part is turning my words from death to life.

Prov 4:23-24, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." Some people probably think that I am over doing everything, or that I am a prude. But, do you see how far I fell. I know what is out there, for I walked down that dark road before. Now I must guard my heart. I must guard my eyes. I have to, for I no longer want to be counted with the fools who never learn their lessons and keep repeating the same mistake over and over. Prov 9:6, "Leave your foolish ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgment.” The crude joking; the movies that are very funny, but you would never let your children watch; all things like this, none of them are good for your heart. Why would I ever want to go there again! I must guard myself, for I know how easily I can be swept away by the world. I know how easy it is for me to join in and turn the whole thing bad.

We are told many times in the Bible to take each day, moment by moment. We are never told to live just for the future triumphs. We are not encouraged to only look at the past. We are told to take hold of today and strengthen ourselves for this moment, for this is all we can handle. If I can control my tongue today and not loose my head in the heat of the battle, then this battle today can be won. If I can not loose my temper and allow my thoughts to come flowing out of my mouth; If I can direct my words, so they bring encouragement to those who are struggling; if I can keep my eyes focused on Christ, then this day will be marked down as a triumphal victory. It is a foolish person that cannot control their mouth. Please God, help me to not be that person again, today.

Consistency is the Key

James 2:12ff, "So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law of love, the law that sets you free. There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when He judges you... What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? ...So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. Now someone may argue, 'Some people have faith; others have good deeds.' But I say, 'How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.' You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. Fool! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?... So you see, we are shown to be right with God by what we do, not by faith alone...Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works."

Oswald Chambers, "Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection. Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship with God that shows itself to be true even amid the seemingly unimportant aspects of human life...Such lives may leave you with the idea that God is unnecessary— that through your own human effort and devotion you can attain God’s standard for your life. In a fallen world this can never be done. I am called to live in such a perfect relationship with God that my life produces a yearning for God in the lives of others, not admiration for myself."

The thoughts of grace and works, seem to be contradictory toward one another. On one hand you cannot earn your salvation. I know this, for I was saved while I was living in sin. My good works did not save me, for I had none. But now that I have all of my faith in God, how could I say that I was His follower, if I did not act accordingly? My every day actions show my faith. If I am living one way when others can see me, then sneaking around and doing something different when I was alone, my private actions would contradict my public ones. These can go in all sorts of extremes. For example, lets say that a person seems to be very generous and gives to the poor and helps the needy all of the time, but then never pays their bills and neglects personal responsibilities, what does this say about their true faith? Or if a person is offended when others curse around them and criticizes the way they worship God on Sundays, but then hides and looks at pornography while in private. What does this say about their true belief?

Christ is calling us to a higher standard. We must start looking at everything that we do. We cannot say, "Some people have faith; others have good deeds." He is calling us to be consistent. Having college girls living with me, in my house every day watching everything we do, has greatly opened my eyes to this even more. We are being commanded, it is not a suggestion, that we must not live double lives. I have not perfected this, for no one is perfect, but my eyes have been opened. The question is, am I living a changed life to please other people, or am I changed because I love my God? Are my actions consistent with what I say I believe? Do I have good deeds, because my heart is for God. Or do I have good deeds, so that others will praise me? I could never earn my salvation. That kind of work could never save anyone. "But I say, 'How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.'" If you have good deeds in one area, but then trample on what you have done by living differently in another place, what kind of faith do you have? Consistency is the key. Is your faith consistent with your good deeds? Are your good deeds constant with your faith? Are we expecting our good deeds to save us? Why do we do good at all? Are we completely relying on the grace of God and expect Him to expect nothing from us in return? Consistency is the key....

Our Own Evil Desires

James, I have to camp out here for a while. I love this book. It does not allow me to have any excuses for the foolish ways in which I have lived.
(1:12ff), "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, 'God is tempting me.' God is never tempted to do wrong, and He never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. (1 Cor 6:9, Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols (idols, what draws your eyes away from God), or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.) So don’t be misled... Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless."

Okay this is a long one, but I could stay here forever, verse by verse. So much is brought to my attention as I read this. In the past, I would let others guide me. I became a stripper, because of my ex husbands desires. But when I read this, it places the blame back on me. "Temptation comes from our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away." So I cannot blame anyone for anything. Even now, when I loose my tempter with my boys, or anyone, it is my fault. I am held accountable, for I am in charge of how I act and how I treat others.

I know how God wants me to lead my life. I know it, because I was brought up with His word continually being placed in my heart. I choose to fool myself, look into the mirror of His law and walk away forgetting what I know is right. Every time I don't act appropriately, it is my choice and I am only fooling myself. No one else buys my deceit, for I am the only one deceived in those moments. Everyone else can see, for they are looking at me for what I really am, a person wanting to sin. Then I turn around and say that I don't know why I cannot control myself. It is because I am choosing to "loose it." No one else is to blame. No, you are tempted by your own evil desires.

Oswald Chambers, "The moral law does not consider our weaknesses as human beings; in fact, it does not take into account our heredity or infirmities. It simply demands that we be absolutely moral...The moral law, ordained by God, does not make itself weak to the weak by excusing our shortcomings. It remains absolute for all time and eternity... 'I was alive once without the law, but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died' (Romans7:9). The moment we realize this, the Spirit of God convicts us of sin. Until a person gets there and sees that there is no hope, the Cross of Christ remains absurd to him...There is only one way by which I can get right with God, and that is through the death of Jesus Christ. I must get rid of the underlying idea that I can ever be right with God because of my obedience. Who of us could ever obey God to absolute perfection!"

I am so thankful that I can turn all of my inadequacies toward Christ. I am so thankful that He does not expect me to be perfect. I am so thankful that He does not excuse my bad behavior, so that I am a slave to that behavior forever, either. He gives me the chance to change. He provides me the tools, so that I do not have to live in sin. If I will open my eyes to who I really am, then I can see who He really is. If I will open my eyes to who I am without Him, then I can turn my everyday life over to Him. It is in starting off every day in recognition to who I am, who He is, that this day will be a better one than yesterday. Christ is my Savior, my Helper, my Redeemer, my Lord. I deserve to die, for I know how bad I really am. He took my sin upon the cross and paid the debt that I owe, every day.

"God, please give me the strength and tools for this day, so I can live a life that pleases you, today. Thank you for covering my sin today, with your blood, so that I can live in peace every day."

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/12/01/devotion.aspx?year=2009