Adult Stem Cell

I have been accepted to participate in Adult Stem Cell study.  I wanted to give you the web site of the place that I will be going to for this treatment.

Where you find intelligent design, you find an Intelligent Designer!

Stem Genex (stem cell studies)

May God be blessed and Glorified through this whole process.....

Miraculous Healing

I have so many unanswered questions. I am always considering the ways of God and trying to know Him more. I love to watch people and try to relate to them. I wonder where they come from and what has happened in their lives to bring them to this point in life. I watch nature and try to connect with the great and beautiful gift of the wild. I watch. I listen. I learn and love all things created and give glory to the Christ who is the Great Creator. But this is where I get stumped the most, just when I think I understand more, the more I find I am at a loss for words. So this writing is in admittance that I do not know, but something that I am trying to learn. A pondering of the many why's, how's, when's, and what if's that go through my mind.

Why do I not see the miraculous healings in this land of America that I hear about in other countries? (I believe they happen, but I haven't seen them personally.) I have heard all about so many wonderful, miraculous things and yet here I am turning to science and Dr's. Now don't get me wrong. I've had some amazing recovery myself and I thank God for each and every blessed day. But what is holding us back? What is holding me back from receiving the miracle of healing that I know is available from a most powerful God. Is it all about me? Am I not just part of the elect, but part of the elite? Did Christ come for a few or for the world? Where do I sit this morning as I battle for my life? I am in great anticipation as I look at what lies ahead and in no way do I want to boast before the battle is won, but my soul is searching for those unanswered questions that are ever present.

"As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. 'Rabbi,' his disciples asked him, 'why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?'
'It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,' Jesus answered. 'This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us. The night is coming, and then no one can work. But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.'” (John 9)

This happened so the power of God could be seen through him, but what if in our culture no one would see that power because of our over loaded hyper active culture. What if the healings would bring no credit to God? What if He just loves everyone and is calling everyone to heath and healing? (Not just the Elite!) What if part of my journey is for science to show that He is the Intelligent Designer and that through science, science is ever discovering His intelligent design.

Stem Cell research boggles my mind. We have within us these little cells that are made just for the repair of our bodies. They intelligently go out in search of what is hurting and they adapt to it and repair it. Amazing! That is a miracle within each and every one of us. Another interesting discovery is that when science tried to make an excuse for abortion and used the stem cells of these babies (Embryonic Stem Cell), many times they did not repair, but caused cancer. It is not in the taking of life, but in the giving of life and that life is in each and every one of us individually. We are the temple of the Most High God. If He loves the world, then why wouldn't He try and show Himself to everyone and not just the few!

I know that He came to me before I was "good". He showed me His love before I was ready to give up my life for Him. Am I so important that I cannot be a part of the healing in so many others lives who do not yet know Him. When I think of it that way, it takes the sting out of my heart. I am not part of the elite, but the elect. That elect is something offered to the whole world, not just the elite. So here I go on a very important part of my journey with MS, I have been accepted to be part of an Adult Stem Cell Research where they will take my own cells and place them back in me so that repair can start. I may not get a whole healing, but I can be part of something bigger and that will help the whole world see His power, His Intelligent Design, within each and every one of us. And that is worth it!

MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST

Until the whole world Hears!

Hope for Tomorrow

I've been sitting here this morning looking out my window into a world that often has brought me such pain, but this morning I have a new breath. I realize that I have a new hope. Not that I live in despair, but in the ever present reality of my MS. I've struggled, fought, scummed to, battled, and learned more than I really ever wanted to know about myself over these past 19 years. In my mind, my debilitating disease is ever present. Every time someone even mentions doing any kind of physical exercise, my mind goes to fear of, "what would I have to suffer if I did the same." My tears are always right behind the surface, in lament of the unknown. I have lamented more over my affliction than I really ever care to admit. Through the hope of this new day I can better see my hearts cry and my hearts healing.

Yesterday, my mom (She is my ever present warrior who is always searching for me when I am ever ready to give up!) called me and encouraged me to look at a web site on Stem Cell Therapy. I did and immediately filled out the candidate application form. I have no idea if I will even be selected, but my affliction and what I have learned through my suffering is worth sharing.

Paul wrote Philippians while he was in prison. It is often referred to as the book of joy and of rejoicing, but how can there be great joy while you are being held captive in chains that keep your hands from moving freely as you wish? Paul received his joy through the lives of others, the obedience demonstrated to him through Christ, and the hope for the future. 
You see today another shackle has been removed. Not that anything has changed, but I can see a little better about what has bound me. I live in fear. While trying to encourage others, I have a fear that is stopping me from moving forward and embracing the life to come. You see, when I think of the future, I don't really think of life, but of death, and how I am not going to be able to do things. While on one hand, this has pushed me to live more for today, but this has stopped me from being able to prepare for tomorrow with full hope and joyful expectation. I embrace today, but my tomorrows hold me captive. I live through the joyful expectations through others lives. I rejoice when I see my friends find faith and freedom through Christ. I can see their futures bright in front of them as they learn to walk through life without those ties that have bound them. I am ever encouraged, like Paul, when I see that through my life others have been led to a more abundant life in Christ. "I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God." (Philippians 1:9-11)

I too, want to see what really matters.  What will bring me joy in the hopes of tomorrow? Is it that I am selected to have the stem cell treatment and that it works? Or is it that I can rejoice in my tomorrows even through the uncertainty of the unknown? I want to work with my husband, so I have been studying for my real estate exam, but my imprisonment has always held me back from fully embracing that future life. 
I thank God that I have sought Him and this relationship even through my bondage. I do not lament about the lessons that I have learned about myself during my imprisonment. Just here recently, I have discovered a new taste for life. I have always wanted to live a life of indulgence with food. I know a pretty pathetic example, but it is where I am. I just now embraced what is truly healthy for me. After a lifetime of indulgence and gluttony I have finally found freedom in taking care of me. "I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." (3:12-14)

I can breathe a new breath this morning. Perseverance to grab hold of a future that has always been before me, but that I never dreamed I could grasp. It doesn't mean that everything will go accordingly as I hope, but I can at least find freedom in the future through that hope that has never really left me, but was just hidden because of the chains that weighed me down. Nothing has changed, only my perspective on life has been affected. What has bound you to this world? Is it your own self-centered view, like mine, that has kept you from embracing the hopes for the future? Are we so tied up within our own struggles that we cannot embrace others and find the true joy in their accomplishments? Can we see the ever preset lesson that we are the temple of the Most High God? Do we embrace that lesson with joy, or lament? Today, I can thank my God for the memories of yesterday and the hope for tomorrow.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Rejoice, Rejoice!  We really never know what tomorrow may bring.... So we may as well Rejoice in great expectation for a bright future with Christ, instead of lamenting when in reality we don't know anyways...

Bounds Burned by Fire

What are the ties that bind? What is it that traps us into thinking there is no other way? What is it that keeps us as a prisoner in our own little worlds?

In the book of Daniel we find the people overcome and taken prisoner. During this time of fear and chaos, God is still present and working. He is working to bring His people back to himself and to restore their hearts for Him. Daniel, Meshack, Shadrach, and Abendego are some of the remnants found that have not lost sight of God. They have been taken into King Nebuchadnezzar's palace where they would be taught the local customs and trained in their new ways. In their attempts to keep focus and to not be totally consumed with their imprisonment, they keep hold of their dietary requirements and ask to be excused from the kings lavish meals. This sets them up for success. Several years later the king builds a statue, a god to himself and commands that all shall bow down and worship. Daniel's three friends found themselves before the statue, but refused to bow to another god. This infuriated the king and he ordered them to be thrown into the furnace. "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if He doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up,” (3:17).
In a furious rage Nebuchadnezzar had the three men bound and threw into a blazing hot furnace. But, something amazing happened. When the king looked into the fire, he saw not three, but four men walking around. He called them to come out and examined the three men. The only things that were burned were their bonds. Not a hair was singed. Their clothes were not scorched, and they didn't even smell of smoke. (Daniel 1-4, what I have written does not encompass the whole of the story. Please read it for yourself.)

When we are faced with our own fire, there are three scenarios that can be taken from this story of old. Three scenarios that I wrote down years ago while listening to Beth Moore that I would like to share. Old lessons that are still teaching me new each day...
First, many times we are delivered from the fire and our faith is built. We may see an approaching disaster coming in our life and we are completely delivered. We may have the vision to see and we can learn what we need to without having to go through the hard times. Our faith is strengthened without the furnace. I know so many people who never even came close to the life that I once had, but yet they have maintained a very strong relationship with God. Their purity has kept them strong and their devotion seems to have never wavered. They were delivered from the fire.

Second, we are delivered through the fire. This is my example. I seem to have to learn the hard way. My most recent episode with God has been my MS. Of coarse, this is not a short term event (almost 19 years). This has been a lesson that has continually bound me in my own prison. Food, I can relate with this part of the story very well. In order to be able to function, I must eat a very strict diet. I loathed this for years. Every time I would see someone enjoy a bowl of ice cream, really any desert, anything with gluten, corn, potatoes, beans.... lets just say FOOD, I would throw myself a pitty party. I am supposed to keep a very tight reign on what is allowed to enter my body. If I don't, I find myself bound in a prison. My body just wont work. My legs no longer carry me. My hands no longer feed me. I discover I am bound by unseen chains that try and destroy me.

I begged God for years to heal me. I wanted my chains removed and I wanted to be able to live as others around me. I wanted to join the culture. Well, Thanksgiving my prayers were answered in a most unusual way. I Lost My Ability to TASTE! No joke, my taste buds were affected. Now this is what I have discovered. I can taste only what I am supposed to eat, everything else has lost its flavor. For example, my family recently went on a cruise, which I loved. During this time I tested my diet restrictions based upon what tasted good. I got desserts every night, but didn't really enjoy them. One of my all time favorites has been white chocolate. I got my white chocolate mouse ready to indulge, only to discover that I could taste nothing but the berries that were placed on top and that lined the bottom. My diet has not changed, but my hearts desire has.

Third, we may be delivered by the fire into His arms. I am not one that sugar coats anything. Sometimes, we are taken from this life into His arms through death. He is the author of life and He can choose to deliver us into His arms into an everlasting life, that through His resurrected life we are guaranteed to never see trials again. Often, it is not for the deceased to learn something, but for those left behind. Now is the time to ask, what are we to learn from this? Are we enjoying the life He has blessed us with? Are we living each day to the fullness of life offered? Or are we harboring a bitterness that has soured our enjoyment of life offered to us, all because we are unwilling to understand that each person here is a direct representation for us of the gifts we do have?

I am in great admiration of those who live their life gallantly for their Lord. We all know them, the ones who stand out during great fires, but seem to never loose their faith. Those that encourage us to live this life to the full, they are my hero's. Can you see your blessings through the fire? After you have been through the fire, do you understand that you are not singed and that you do not even smell of smoke? Who are your hero's? Are you a hero for others?

Are you Listening to God?

Are you being delivered from the fire, through the fire, or by the fire?

Adventure

The fall of a great man!  How do we keep our wits about us?  How do we encourage those around us to remain true and keep their life?  What is "sin"?  These are just some of the questions that I have been asked, and some of what I will attempt to answer now.

In 2 Samuel we see David.  This is the first part of his downward spiral.  We all have them!  We don't talk much about his failure, we always sum it up with his "heart".  But I want to talk about this from a woman's perspective.  So here I go...
Bathsheba, she is on her roof where she can have a private moment of bathing.  Her husband, who is a great honorable man, is off to battle for the king.  She has just finished her monthly period and is now wanting to be clean.  Ah, it is her time.  She is unaware of someone watching her.  A man who has stayed back and has awaken from a nap in the middle of the day.  He is looking upon her with great want and sends for her. When she hears the knock on her door it startles her, but thinks nothing of it.  "The king wants to see me! Could it be my husband?  Could it be...?"  She couldn't think.  She got her appropriate clothes on and went with his servants, only to find him in want of her!  What could she do?  How could she not?  It is the king and she is only a woman at his mercy.  When he is finished with her, he sends her away.  Broken and terrified she goes to her home only to discover later that she is pregnant.
Then many years later there is another young girl, Tamar.  She is David's daughter who is wanted by her older half brother Amnon.  He tricks her and is enticed by her as she cooks for him her "sick" brother.  He grabs her and she begs him not do defile her in this way, but his strength is greater.  He rapes her.  Because he had had such want for her, his want became disgust.

This is just a small part of the story, but here is where I want to focus. These women are victims of a stronger mans desire. These are both women who share in a bigger story. Bathsheba goes through many hard times: getting raped, loss of a husband, a son, but she is later the mother of Solomon. Tamar is a victim to the core, but still maintains her integrity. "The narrator of Tamar's rape at the hands of her brother is told with a focus that emphasizes the male roles of the story: David, Amnon, and Absalom. "Even the poignancy of Tamar's humiliation is drawn out for the primary purpose of justifying Absalom's later murder of Amnon, and not for its own sake" (p. 5). In focusing on the story with Tamar, not the men, as the focal point, Cooper-White hopes to remind the readers that the lesson should come from the true victim; the female who was raped and not the men left to deal with the situation. She emphasizes "power-within" over "power-over." With "power-over," one's power is related to how many creatures one has dominion over. Tamar demonstrates the "power-within," or en-theos(God-within) by resisting as much as she could..." (White).

These women, even though they cannot see their story playing out, they do what is best in their time and keep their focus on what is important. No they do not see the whole story. But they remain true to their time, custom, and God. How are we playing out our role? How are we determining our future? Are we losing it in the moment to allow others to lose it in their's. What are we focusing on?

I have been asked by many different people the same question in different ways, but still the same point. "I wish I had sinned more when I could have. I no longer have the chance and see that I blew it." BLEW WHAT!!? Are you kidding me? David had at least 7 wives and countless concubines, do you think he regrets killing Uriah? Amnon died and created all kinds of trouble in his family, was it really worth it? Sin is relational infidelity. There are many relationships broken and lives destroyed by "Sin". But even though these men screwed up Royally, God and His story continues and over powers the powerful. He is faithful to his creation! If you wish to dive deeper into the story, you can find it beginning in 2 Samuel 11. I've left lots out, but I hope I'm clear about what I'm trying to say.

ADVENTURE is what we are often looking for, not Sin! Adventure is going out and discovering this world and all that is good. Have we had the adventures of a lifetime? Or are we living with Sin as a regret that is staining our tomorrows?

A Most Intimate Moment

Over the past, well more than 10 years, I have spent much time in learning who God is and who I am.  The more I learn the more I am discovering His grace and mercy.  Not His laws and judgments.  If we look at just two parts of Paul's writings we can see so much.  Last week at L!VE, we looked at Galatians. Tonight we will look at Romans 9, 10.  
Chapter 9 starts with Paul revealing his heart for his people.  He aches for them to see what he sees.  This is my same heart ache.  He tries to separate the true children of the promise from those who only claim it by birth, but know nothing about God Himself.  Then he moves into some seemingly hard discussion about how God chooses to show mercy to some and hardens the hearts of others, and in this I can get so easily caught up.  His answers to the questions of how a loving God can do this are summed up in a very quick answer of "Who are you to argue with God?"  And it is here that I take pause. Paul knows what Job had to learn.  Who are we to question God?  When waves of questions consume us, we are to turn our focus on the goodness of God, not the parts we do not understand.  And in seeing His goodness, my heart can rest in knowing that He can already see a person's heart.  He knows who will believe in Him and who wont, so He is giving my heart rest in letting me see that it is ok if I allow people to choose how they are living, for really I have no say in their lives anyway.  I am not to get wrapped up in people's lives and try and direct their heart by directing their actions.  It is up to God to see their heart.  But I am to be a vessel of mercy.  We cannot earn the heart of our God.  His love is given.  All we need to do is to have faith.  That faith is expressed in knowing His heart and His goodness. It is not loved eared, but love given.  

When Jason and I were first married I did not love him.  I truly was walking down the isle in obedience. I said "I do", not out of a heart in love, but a heart broken.  It was never me living as an "obedient" wife that changed my heart, but it was his constant consistency, patience, and care that softened my heart toward his.  I was hurt and wounded by so many men.  I just saw Jason as another man who was going to hurt me again.  I would have never changed my heart toward him if he had demanded me to obey him and to follow his rules.  Rules and laws would have only driven me further into defiance.  It was his patience and constant caring that finally got to me and after three years of being married, two children later, I finally told him "I think I am falling in love with you."  
It was only after this that my actions toward this man started to change.  He gave me enough time for my heart to soften toward him.  If he had demanded that I "act" in a certain way, I could have played the part, but he would have never had my heart.  And it is our heart that our God is after.  He is not focused on our ability to follow a rule, but our willingness to give Him our whole heart.  

"So if you believe deep in your heart that God raised Jesus from the pit of death and if you voice you allegiance by confessing the truth that 'Jesus is Lord,' then you will be saved! Belief begins in the heart and leads to a life that is right with God..." (Romans 10:9)

I put a question recently on FB, "Has Christianity failed you?"  And with this I received many wonderful responses... Wonderful because people were willing to share with me their broken hearts.  Stories that made me cry and ask God the big "Why?"  I want to share an opening of a very lengthy and very heart felt response from a broken heart.
"I have deep seated intellectual and theological concerns about the Christian faith. As a PhD in Religion, I didn't just read the bible, and I didn't study it from a faith based standpoint, but I studied it form intellectual standpoint, both as a historical document, and as a work of literature."  
I printed her response and have carried it with me everywhere I have gone. I often pull it out and read the two and a half pages asking God to show me exactly where her true heart cry is revealed.  And this time He showed me just the beginning lines. Just yesterday through the words of a friend I heard the answer to this woman's first lines. In my heart I heard, "If your heart is wanting a spiritual relationship and you look to God through knowledge you will be left wanting."  

He wants your heart, first.  It is only after a heart given in love that the true knowledge of Him is revealed.  It is only after faith is expressed in your heart and out of your mouth that He can begin to change our desires and give us a heart of love.  It is only after we see Him through our brokenness that we can begin to accept His mercy. All of our questions of "why" can be summed up in one answer, Worship.  It is only in the truly intimate moments of surrendering your whole body, mind and soul to Him in worship that you can feel His embrace and learn to follow Him in His dance through life.  Do you want what you want, or do you want His best?  Are you willing to have His heart of patience, love, and mercy for others?  Or are you going to demand that they obey your laws, but never surrender their whole heart?  This is my first response, but it is in my memory that I am reminded how I was loved first. So why then do I constantly place upon others a law that I was never meant to give out.  Why do I want to settle for instant "change" instead of a truly love filled heart?! 

Reflections on Prayer

I received a text question last night from one of my friends about prayer. He started off with scripture verses Matthew 7:7-8, “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." And also Hebrews 11:1, "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Here were his questions: Have you ever been unsure of what to ask God for? How did you make up your mind?

As I sit here thinking of this young man's heart and his prayer, my mind reels with my own prayers and how each one was answered, mainly through the unanswered ways of God. Let me give some examples, maybe this will make it more clear as my mind sifts through and unfolds the "easy" examples.

With my first pregnancy I did not find out the sex of the baby until it was revealed at birth. My heart was hard against men and I was afraid that if I found out it was a boy child, I would not love him. Every morning and evening I begged God, "Please give me a girl.  Please!"  I was giving God a chance to change His mind and turn the child into a girl at the very last second if He needed to. Delivery time, the doctor placed the baby on my stomach and I looked at my SON! Betrayal... for both of us is all I could feel. "How could you do this to me!" I cried out to God. "How could you do this to him? I cannot raise a man child! I hate men!"

For 5 days I reeled with unanswered questions. 5 days, until I found myself on a plane out of Gunnison watching the nurses take care of my baby as we were flight for life to Denver. My world was spinning. My prayers were begging God not to take him and my mind was determined that I would love this man child.

Another time, oh whose kidding, for years I begged God to take away my MS. I begged and pleaded with Him to heal me. I had memorized the entire book of James. I was seeking God like no other. My life was changed and I no longer desired the same things. I was living Good and I knew the scripture. So I took James 5 to our church leaders. "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well." Over and over, I had different people pouring oil on me, praying for my healing. My hair has never been more healthy as the time on my knees and oil on my head. People, I am sure, were tired of my begging. But I kept knocking, for I just knew the door had to open... I still have MS. Unanswered Prayers

I have so many examples of prayers offered, prayers that seemed unanswered. However, each time He has been there revealing my broken heart. Showing me that what He truly desires is for my heart to be healed. Its not about my circumstances, even though I seem to think it is. It is about my heart and how I value myself, how I see my God, how I do/do not love others. Hebrews 11:13, "All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it." How do I see my relationship with my God? Can I still walk confidently in faith without my answer to my prayers?

I have a very good life! I know that my God loves me, but it isn't through my desires being given to me. I wanted a girl, I have my girl through my college girls He has showered on me. I needed healing. I have been healed. My heart was hard toward men. Now I know, they are not my enemies. I needed that son to begin to soften my heart. My hands are still numb and I stumble when I walk. It is a battle, but not a physical battle. It is a battle in learning to love myself. Without MS, I would live with indulgence. I wouldn't learn the lesson of restraint and how to truly take care of me. He loves me too much to allow me to live as a glutton. For everything that I would do, nothing would be good for me. I've proven that one!

God does heal people all of the time. Its just not always how we think it should be. God does answer all of our prayers, but it is often not how we think it is going to be. I have changed my perception of how God answers prayers. He is not Santa, but a God who loves me too much than to leave me the way I am. He sees my heart. He knows that above anything else, my heart is what needs healing. My heart needs focusing on Him, no matter what I'm doing, what is going on in my life, the circumstances that may come up. Where is my focus? As I start my day, am I willing to listen to what He is trying to say to me? Am I willing to accept His answers to my prayers? Do I love Him enough to allow Him to change my life through changing my heart? Do I focus on things of this world, or a relationship with Him? Will I be okay through the storms of life? Am I strengthening myself now for what is to come later? Can I still believe and have faith when I see "my prayers" for myself answered in someone else's life? (ex: They're physically healed from their disease. Mine is still hanging on.) What are your prayers? Are you willing to allow God the sovereignty to know more than you and to give Him your heart and time even if?

Let me make it clear, I pray all of the time about my wants and needs! "Please heal my body" is still right at the top.  "Please take care of... as they travel."  "Help me this day in....."  I'm always giving my requests to God.  But my focus is trying to change, as He is trying to change my hearts desire to match His desire. Its not about, "should I take this job or that?" "What is going to happen to my life if...?" It is all about your heart walk with God...
He does "give jobs, heal the diseases, change our circumstances" , but through it all He is constantly calling us in relationship to Him.  How is He calling you?  How is He healing my heart?

Jim McGuiggan, Reflections on Prayer