One Last Time

When I was in college, I got pregnant by my now ex-husband. The pregnancy was very hard on us and we began to fight. I lost the baby, because of the medications that I was taking for my MS, and we broke up. During this break up, I saw things about him that I was blinded to before. I decided that I did not ever want to be with him or anyone like him. I had made up my mind. I was going to change and life was going to be different. This was short lived.

He sent me songs, that he had written for me, and I was once again swept off of my feet. It did not take long and we were off to Vegas to get married. I loved to be held by him. I loved that high that I had, that euphoria, that drug that my body naturally created when I was with him. I craved the excitement that he brought to me. I loved the way he made me feel when we were in bed together, I felt complete. I truly believed that he loved me and only me. This too, was very short lived.

I have discovered that God gives us moments of clarity. He gives us those windows of opportunities, which open our eyes to the truth. My deciding window was when my ex and I had broken up. It is that moment when you realize the road you are on, is the wrong one. You can see that you are to turn around and never look back. The problem arises when you look back and think you would like to have just one more moment. You decide that you would like to get that high, just for a little while longer. You have no intentions of living forever with that person or that drug, but you would like to sleep with it just one more time. What ever that high is, just one more time will not hurt.

The danger is that you never really know when that last time will actually be your, all of the time. I have experienced it over and over. I only wanted that bodily feeling, one more time. I just wanted to have fun for that moment and I just knew that it would not last. Then several years down the road, I looked back. I saw that my last time had become my right now. My life for the past few years. What happened to that last time? Why was it so hard to see that my last time had become my life?

I had stopped looking, for just a brief moment, at what God wanted for me. I had caught a glimpse of God, but I wanted the high, just one more time. That is all that it takes. One more time and my life was completely out of control. One more time and I was years spent. One more time and I was a married woman, stripping so that my husband could get his fix by watching me with other men. One more time and I was a drug addict. Be careful with that last time. It may become your all of the time and it could take a long time to get over!