Pro Choice = Pro Abortion

My mind is full of terror today and my heart is heavy with images of babies. Last night I looked up abortion on You Tube and basically informed myself with truth. As I watched the images on the screen, horror filled my soul. Sin is made so easy for us and it is placed with an appealing title of "choice." Have you ever dared to enter into the world of truth, when you know you are going to feel sick in the end. My dreams last night were tormented by the images of babies being ripped apart, one body part at a time. And we call this okay. It is easy to place abortion in a box so that it becomes another medical procedure, but when you really look at the truth of it, it is not just another procedure.

There was one video called "The Silent Scream." In this video, you could see the babies face through ultra sound and see that it was screaming in pain. Partial birth abortion is when the "Dr" takes tongs, places them inside the mother and grabs a leg. He pulls the leg out, then another leg, until he has the whole body out of the vagina. The baby is moving, twisting and grabbing on to him, but you see the baby is not born yet, for he has left the head inside the vagina. He then places scissors inside the back of the babies head. You know the soft part, right at the base of your scull. Then he opens the scissors. If this does not kill the baby, he places a suction devise inside the hole he just created and crushes the brain like a coke can. The body then goes limp and the head is pulled out. Other times, the babies are born alive and they will place them in a back room like trash until they die, alone. This can, and has, taken up to eight hours. But remember it is choice.

I watched another video where a woman was talking about being pro choice, but she was offended when others said that she was pro abortion. She admitted that abortion was terrible and the means of getting rid of the baby were inhuman, but she was for a woman's right to choose. It all boils down to choice. Lets take away everyone's example of rape and other things, and lets talk about the majority. Most abortions are the alternate form of birth control. Animals do not even do this to their offspring. We choose to have sex, then consequences of our choice may be pregnancy. So we do not want to raise a baby. Instead we choose to dismember the child, rip it apart, drill holes in its head, or just simply place it in a back room to die. But it is our choice. You are right it is your choice, but are you making a well informed, good choice, or are you just being selfish.

The lies that we tell ourselves in order to feel good about our sins. If you are still on the fence about abortion and if it is really wrong, just ask yourself what your reaction would be if someone were doing it to you. If someone were coming at you with scissors, then what would your reaction be? You can know something is wrong, by your reaction if it is happening to you. Now lets put rape and other crimes back into the picture. A girl is raped, so it is now okay for her to murder, dismember another person. That does not make sense to me either. When we are looking at sin, we need to look through the eyes of truth about that sin and stop dressing it up in culturally acceptable language. You know it is wrong, by your reaction if it is happening to you...pretend you are the baby...

Insanity, Really??

Jeremiah 23:16-17, "This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says to His people: 'Do not listen to these prophets when they prophesy to you, filling you with futile hopes. They are making up everything they say. They do not speak for the Lord! They keep saying to those who despise My word, ‘Don’t worry! The Lord says you will have peace!’ And to those who stubbornly follow their own desires, they say, ‘No harm will come your way!'"

When I first left my ex husband, I was a broken victim. I looked at the life that I had lived and I blamed him for all of my troubles. Trust me, I had the perfect excuse, no one blamed me or told me that it was my fault. They all agreed with everything that I said and justified my leaving him. Thankfully I went to Stone Gate only two months after I left him. (www.stonegateresources.org) Harry was the main counselor there. For three days he listened to my story and allowed me to continue in my thought, for three days. On the fourth day he hit me with a sledge hammer that took the breath from my victimization. He allowed me to see that everything that I had done was actually my fault. Now I know I could not control my ex husband, but I did have control over myself and I was no victim at all. I had chosen to act the way that I had acted.

We can all see the ones who live as a victim. They live in the past blaming others for their pitiful life and they are still making the same mistakes. Nothing is ever really their fault. They blame everyone else for the trials in their life. They think that they don't, but they do. They would swear to you, that I am wrong, but all you have to do is to look at the patterns they are still living and the things that are coming out of their own mouths. So often we think that if we really look at ourselves and the evil that we have done, we will actually loose it and go crazy. We desperately hold on to the "blame everyone else" game and think this will keep us from insanity. I am so thankful that through Harry, God opened my eyes to the truth of my own sin. By looking at myself, I thought I was truly going to go insane. We tend to believe, "if we go there, we may never come out again." This is a lie that Satan has us to believe, for if we believe him, he can keep hold of us in our sin.

It is hard for me to look at myself so much. I want to just be the one in the right, just once. I want to be justified in my fit. I want to be right in letting go of my emotions and just blowing up. But, there is really never any freedom in loosing myself that way. In blaming others for my problems, I could very easily ruin the marriage I am currently in. I could blame Jason for so much and destroy our marriage, but in keeping my eyes on myself, our marriage is safe. There are some things that he does that are wrong, but it is not good for me to sin when I point out his sin to him. I am to go to him in love. I am to help him and he is to help me. If he looses his temper, it does not help the situation if I loose mine. If I am having a day of "emotions," it does not help anyone if he looses control of his emotions. We are not perfect and we sometimes loose control at the same time. When this happens, whether he says he is sorry or not, I am to say that I am sorry. I must keep my eyes on myself or I will become the victim.

Have you taken a close look at your own responsibility in your sins? Do you play the victim and live in your justification of your life? It is hard looking at yourself all of the time. Sometimes I just want to blame someone else, but there is no freedom there. Sometimes I feel like I am going to go insane when I take a good look at my faults, but I always come out on the other side a more secure and whole person. I do not like to look at my failures, but in acknowledging my sin, He can come in and save me. My heart is wicked, evil and I know it. If I did not acknowledge this, Christ would have no room to heal me. Listen to what you say. Do you say that you are a good person? Through being a "good" person, you are justifying your actions. If you acknowledge that you are evil and sin, then Christ can come in and help you overcome your sins. Do not blame others for your sin. Look through the eyes of truth and find life there, you will not go insane. "If you do not know how to morn with Him, then you will never be able to dance with Him. He turned my wailing into dancing. Trust Him with the wailing." (Beth Moore)

Aurora Tree

Jeremiah 17, "This is what the LORD says: 'Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. 'But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.' The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? 'I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.'"

I love to learn about the Jewish customs and ways, and what things meant in their original language. In this verse it says a "bush in the wasteland..." In the original language it is actually referring to an Aurora Tree. The Aurora Tree is a beautiful tree that grows in the dessert. Many travelers may see the tree and think they can survive from its fruit, or there may be water near by. The tree has heavy beautiful fruit on it, but when you break it open there is only dust inside. The milk that drips is very poisonous and will kill whomever that eats it. There is no water to be found for its roots go 150 ft into the ground. What seems to be a promising, life saving tree only offers the illusion of hope for there is no life found from this tree. There are other trees and bushes that do offer true hope when you see them. They grow near the river and their roots are made strong from the constant feeding from the spring. They have fruit on them that will feed the person in need and whomever that goes to them will find life there.

God is watching us to see what kind of tree we will be. He is expecting us to feed His people and He knows our true hearts. Many people think, if they tell others what they want to hear, then they are offering them life. Many people do not want to tell people the truth, because this is hard. Jeremiah seemed to be offering destruction and bringing only guilt and condemnation to the people, but what he was really offering was the chance for true life. The other prophets were like the Aurora Tree. They were telling the people what they wanted to hear, but there words offered no chance at life. They actually were leading the people further and closer to destruction. When people come to you, do you offer them the truth that will bring them life, or do you dress up their sin and offer them destruction in the end? You and they, may feel good right at the beginning, but in the end you may be the one that brings destruction upon them.

When Jeremiah spoke to the people, his words seemed to offer only guilt and condemnation, but if they would have listened to him, they would have found life. "God promised Jeremiah that He would deliver him personally— ". . . your life shall be as a prize to you . . ." (Jeremiah 39:18). That is all God promises His children. Wherever God sends us, He will guard our lives. Our personal property and possessions are to be a matter of indifference to us, and our hold on these things should be very loose. If this is not the case, we will have panic, heartache, and distress. Having the proper outlook is evidence of the deeply rooted belief in the overshadowing of God’s personal deliverance." Oswald Chambers

What do you offer others? Are you really relying on God? Do you offer a chance at life, or are you helping them to die in the dessert? When I speak to others, I have to ask myself these questions. It is so hard to tell people the truth. It is harder still to try your best to live as Christ lived, but it is so worth it in the end. My first desire when others are talking to me, is for them to flatter me. What I really want is the truth. I want others to help me see things in my life that I am not seeing, so that I can get stronger and live a good life. Sometimes the truth hurts, but in the truth there is life. What kind of person are you turning to in your time of need? Do you go to those whom you know will flatter you, or do you go to those who are offering you truth and life, even though it may hurt at first? What are you to others in their time of need? Do you offer life, or do you only appear to be their friend? Are you real, or do you only offer an illusion?

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/06/27/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Reconciled to the Fact of Sin

I do not like to think about the fury of God. I like to concentrate on Jesus Christ and the forgiveness that He brings to all of us. There is forgiveness, grace and patience in God, but there is also judgment and fury that comes from Him. Because of the life that I have lived, I notice the sexual allurement that our people are turning to. It is everywhere. Yet, so many are saying "so what." God does not say "so what" to sin, but hates it and He does see it. Jeremiah 2, "Your wickedness will bring its own punishment. Your turning from Me will shame you. You will see what an evil, bitter thing it is to abandon the LORD your God and not to fear Him. I, the Lord, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, have spoken!... Why then do my people say, ‘At last we are free from God! We don’t need Him anymore!’ Does a young woman forget her jewelry? Does a bride hide her wedding dress? Yet for years on end My people have forgotten Me. “How you plot and scheme to win your lovers. Even an experienced prostitute could learn from you! Your clothing is stained with the blood of the innocent and the poor, though you didn’t catch them breaking into your houses! And yet you say, ‘I have done nothing wrong. Surely God isn’t angry with me!’ But now I will punish you severely because you claim you have not sinned."

If you see yourself in this warning, please take heed. God is not a joke. He is not the Tooth Fairy, and He is certainly not Santa Clause. He is God. We continually, casually turn our eyes to sin as if it were not a big deal. It is a big deal. We are not called to say He is LORD, then live like the world. We are called to be set apart. I am not to judge another person's life, but I better be continually aware of my own life. I am not judging anyone, but I am calling sin, sin. If I do not see it for what it is, then I run the risk of blindly living in it. I have lived that life to the fullest and in doing so, I brought destruction upon myself. I have had so many people tell me that "at least I lived life to the fullest. That I had the courage to step out of the box and experience all that life had to offer." What, are you kidding me! There is no life there. I have tasted the true pain and desperation that sin inflicts. Don't misunderstand, I had lots of fun. There were lots of feel good feelings, but there was no life. "Christ did not come to make bad people good. He came to make dead people live." (Ravi Zacharias)

My son, when he was about 4 or 5 started noticing and pointing out how girls were dressed. Through the eyes of a child, I was able to see how he was seeing sin. As we get older, most of the women start dressing more modestly. Honestly, it is probably do more to our bodies changing than our hearts. I say this because look how we let our daughters dress. Many times, one of the hardest places a man can go is to church, for have you seen the clothes that many women wear. They are not dressed to worship, but to tempt. Men look at things like Victoria's Secret magazines, Swim Suit issues and other allurements, then say there is nothing wrong with it, for they are not showing nipple. Are you kidding me! I have said it before and I will say it again, "I made plenty of money with my clothes still on." It is in our hearts that God is seeing us. We better start looking into our hearts as well. Otherwise, we are only fooling our self.

Oswald Chambers, "Not being reconciled to the fact of sin— not recognizing it and refusing to deal with it— produces all the disasters in life. You may talk about the lofty virtues of human nature, but there is something in human nature that will mockingly laugh in the face of every principle you have. If you refuse to agree with the fact that there is wickedness and selfishness, something downright hateful and wrong, in human beings, when it attacks your life, instead of reconciling yourself to it, you will compromise with it and say that it is of no use to battle against it. Have you taken this "hour, and the power of darkness" into account, or do you have a view of yourself which includes no recognition of sin whatsoever?"
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/06/24/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Isaiah 53

This was written around 700 BC, 700 years before Christ.

"Who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed His powerful arm? My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about His appearance, nothing to attract us to Him. He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on Him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses He carried; it was our sorrows that weighed Him down. And we thought His troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for His own sins! But He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on Him the sins of us all. He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet He never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, He did not open His mouth. Unjustly condemned, He was led away. No one cared that He died without descendants, that His life was cut short in midstream. But He was struck down for the rebellion of My people. He had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone. But He was buried like a criminal; He was put in a rich man’s grave. But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush Him and cause Him grief. Yet when His life is made an offering for sin, He will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in His hands. When He sees all that is accomplished by His anguish, He will be satisfied. And because of His experience, My righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for He will bear all their sins. I will give Him the honors of a victorious soldier, because He exposed himself to death. He was counted among the rebels. He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels."

If you know the life of Christ, you will be tempted to think that these verses were written after He died. They were not; they are a prediction. Is there any other person that so much had been written about that came so true. He is LORD! He is God! He is the one that SAVES!!

Rebellious Heart

Why do I read the bible so much? Why do I listen to all of the speakers, every chance that I get? I have to, I need the help. I cannot do this on my own. If I am left to myself, I will make a mockery of my life, of my family, of my God. Isaiah 48:8-11, "You have neither heard nor understood; from of old your ear has not been open. Well do I know how treacherous you are; you were called a rebel from birth. For my own name's sake I delay my wrath; for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you, so as not to cut you off. See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another."

Even when I am surrounding myself with His words and His wisdom, I struggle. But I do not want to be that person any longer. I do not want to be a slave to this world. I know the heartache that comes with living "just as I please." There is no life there. The things that I used to rely on, feed me only bitter fruit. When I am only thinking about myself and what I want, my life is miserable. I hate living for myself. I cannot! What my flesh wants to do is have a little more to drink; take a little more time in the stupor of selfishness. But I know that if I allow myself to go there, my whole world would end as I know it today. Isaiah 47:10-11, "You felt secure in your wickedness. 'No one sees me.' you said. Your 'wisdom' and 'knowledge' have caused you to turn away from Me and claim, 'I am self-sufficient and not accountable to anyone!' So disaster will overtake you suddenly, and you won't be able to buy your way out. A catastrophe will arise so fast that you won't know what hit you."

The reason that I am so dedicated to study, is because I know how weak I am. I cannot go down that road again and I need Him to help me. I have tasted the sting of divorce. I know how hard it is to be addicted to a substance. I have felt the soul wrenching bite of sexual sin. I refuse to be dependent on myself any longer. I am weak and He is strong. With His help, I can live this life to the fullest. If it is left up to me, I will choose heartache every time, but with His help I will live for life. I must start my day with Him on my mind and open my heart to His bidding. I am a selfish person and I will tear my family apart, if I am left to myself. For many that one drink they desire can be the end of their family. That one sexual conquest will destroy everyone around you. That one fit that you feel you must have, will crush your loved ones. Stop turning to your desires, for your desires will only bring destruction. Turn all of your want to Christ and He will show you how fulfilled you can truly be.

Gift From God

You are my husband, my lover, my friend. I am so thankful for you. Do you know how proud I am of you. I love to tell people that you are my husband. I love that! When you enter the room my whole body lights up. You have fulfilled every desire that I have ever had. I love to be with you. God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me you. I could not see just how much I needed you. I could not see just how much you would help me to heal. You have fulfilled every dream that I could have ever dreamed. You are the perfect man, my perfect husband, the one that was made just for me. I cannot imagine how my life would be without you. You came to me at just the right time. I am so thankful for you.

As the years pass and our boys get older, I am so thankful that you are the one they want to be like. I am constantly telling them they are going to grow up "just like you." I am so thankful that they want to be like you. We are all so blessed to have you leading our family. You guide us with your integrity and strength. You allow me to see what a real man is. You are the perfect man. If others would watch and learn from your example, they too could have such a blessed home. You have led our home with the strength of Christ, so that now there is true life in our home.

Thank you for helping me with the house. Thank you for helping me with dinner. Thank you for being a good father for our boys. Thank you for working so hard during the day, then putting work off at night for your family. Thank you for providing for me the best you can. Thank you for having a good reputation; I love having your name upon me. Thank you for not being lazy. Thank you for staying pure, even now. Thank you for having integrity. Thank you for being so strong. Thank you for loving me as Christ loves his church. Thank you for sacrificing yourself for me every day. Thank you for caring about my feelings. Thank you for holding me when I cry. Thank you for desiring only me. Thank you for doing your job well. Thank you for making love to me every day in the way you live, every day. Thank you for making it so easy for me to respect you. Thank you for being so steady. Thank you for continuing in your faithfulness.

Year after year, I fall more madly in love with you. You are my heavy lifter. You are my lover. You are better than the man of my dreams. You are the best man for raising my children. They are blessed to have you as their example. They are blessed to become like their father. You are truly a good man. Happy Father's day, my love...my lover...my guide...my all. I love you, man from God. You are the best gift, I never deserved. Thank you...

Over and Over Again

Isaiah 28, "They say, 'Who does the LORD think we are? Why does He speak to us like this? Are we little children, barely old enough to talk? He tells us everything over and over again, a line at a time, in very simple words!' Since they refuse to listen, ...God's people could have rest in their own land if they would only obey Him, but they will not listen. So the LORD will spell out His message for them again, repeating it over and over, a line at a time, in very simple words..."

As a parent, I can get very tired of telling my boys the same thing over and over again. They will do something, they know they are not supposed to do, then look at me with shock in their eyes, after they are caught. My oldest son will say to me, "Mom you told me that already." Then turn right around and do exactly what I had told him not to do. Then, like I am a fool, he says right back to me, "but I didn't know." He is just about to turn 6 years old, he has an excuse. So what is my excuse, when I do the exact same thing to God?

Just yesterday, I was in an awful mood. I felt angry and irritated with everyone and everything. I could hear God speaking to me, through the exact words that I had told to others. "You are the one in control of your emotions. You are going to ruin everyone's day, just because you are being selfish." How I hate this. I wanted to run with my feelings. I wanted to let them go and pitch the fit that I wanted to pitch. So in my stupidity, I bulled through and felt the way that I wanted to feel. But because I am constantly listening to Christian speakers, He gave me a good whipping. I was forced to cheer up and have a good day after all.

Why do we so often, want to be miserable? Why would we choose to live in anger? We are in control of our emotions, but we feel we have the right to wallow in selfishness. What! Why do we do this? Why can't we just be told, one time, then do it. We are really not that wise. In our search for being so right, we are shown to be fools. Have you ever had one of those days? What in your life has God told you to change, but you insist on having it "your" way. Have you discovered that your way never works, and never brings you the fulfillment that you thought you were going to have. vs 16, "Look I am placing a foundation stone in Jerusalem. It is firm, a tested and precious cornerstone that is safe to build on. Whoever believes need never run away again." Have you found the life and joy that He brings? Do you turn to Him so that He can show you why you are miserable? Do you listen to Him and change what you are doing, so that you can have life? Why do we continually choose to suffer, when we have been freely given life? Today, please God, help me to choose life!

Death's Door

Destruction is all around. Everything that you tried and believed in is now dying. Death is at your door. You are all alone and the feeling of doom is upon you. Have you ever been in this place? Have you ever felt like your life was over and there was no where to turn? I have. Then I called out to Christ and He was there. I did not understand what He was doing or where He was taking me, but He saved my life and gave me a new one. Isaiah 25, "O LORD, You are my God; I will exalt You and praise Your name, for in perfect faithfulness You have done marvelous things, things planned long ago...Therefore strong peoples will honor You; cities of ruthless nations will revere You. You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat. For the breath of the ruthless is like a storm driving against a wall and like the heat of the desert...He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; He will remove the disgrace of His people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken. In that day they will say, 'Surely this is our God; we trusted in Him, and He saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in Him; let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.'"

As I read these chapters in Isaiah and how the LORD is going to bring so much destruction on so many, I find comfort in knowing that I am saved. But my memories take me back to the time when I was at the doors of death. My life choices took me to a place where I was utterly alone and desperate. In my final act of desperation, I called out to Him. I admitted that I had done everything wrong and that He was the only one who could save me from myself. In His unfailing love, He did. Now, my life has no resemblances of my past sin. Only my memories provide me with the everlasting remains of my sin. He remembers them no longer, but in His wisdom, so that we do not get proud, I remember them forever.

If you have ever been in this place of absolute despair then you understand. I still have times of depression, rage and other emotions that I know I need to get under control, but even in my lowest moments with God, I do not feel the same as I did when I had turned my back on Him. When we are living in sin, our soul cannot rest. There is something inside each one of us that longs to be close to Him. Only Christ can fill this place. I tried to fill it with drugs, sexual intimacy, partying... nothing could fill this place, for it was made especially for Him. We must look at our lives with the vision of truth. When I finally looked at myself truthfully, He was able to give me peace. We can lie to ourselves and blame others for our choices, but the reality is "I chose the choices that I chose." I can blame no one else for my sins. I can look at myself truthfully, see my sins, ask Him for forgiveness, then go and live that way no longer. He never said to go and continue in your lifestyle, but to change. What have you not been willing to admit to yourself, yet. All because you were not willing to change.

There is life waiting each of us; all we have to do is to trust in Him. Trust your life to Him, for He is the only one who can bring you true life.

All Sides

Right now in my daily reading, I am in Isaiah. I would have to say that, this is not my favorite book. I have read through chapter 19. "But even then the LORD's anger will not be satisfied. His fist is still poised to strike." This verse stood out to me, mainly because it is repeated several times. The LORD uses people to accomplish what He desires. Then because of that person's pride and arrogance, He destroys them as well. He is not given the glory for their accomplishments. They say, "By my power... By my own strength... By my greatness..." God hates this kind of attitude. "The LORD has rightly decided to destroy His people. Yes, the LORD, the LORD Almighty, has already decided to consume them." This is the part of God that no one likes to think about. This is the part of all of us that does not rejoice in Him. We do not want to think about His judgement, His rath. As we look at God we must look at all of Him. He is not Santa Clause. He has rules and He does expect us to revere Him as LORD.

In all of this rath and judgment that He deliverse, right in the middle of His display of great power, I can find peace. I can find peace because He is more than one part. He is a Triune being. I am so thankful He has more than one side. Isaiah 11, "A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit. The Spirit of the LORD will rest on Him— the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD - and He will delight in the fear of the LORD. He will not judge by what He sees with His eyes, or decide by what He hears with His ears; but with righteousness He will judge the needy, with justice He will give decisions for the poor of the earth. He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth; with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked. Righteousness will be His belt and faithfulness the sash around His waist."

I am so thankful for this. I am thakful, because even though I did not deserve it, He saved me. But please listen to the warnings. We like to focus on His grace and generosity, but He does have another side. Please listen to His warning. We need to open our eyes to the truth. Do I, do you worship Him? Is He really our God? All we need to do is to look at how we live our lives. For if He is really our God then we will do everything in our power to obey Him.

Isaiah 12, "In that day you will say: 'I will praise You, O LORD. Although You were angry with me, Your anger has turned away and You have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.'With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. In that day you will say: 'Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done, and proclaim that His name is exalted. Sing to the LORD, for He has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.'" We must look at all the sides of the LORD. What part of Him will you see?

How Bad do You Want It?

Ahh sex, my favorite subject. As we are dating, we cannot wait for sex. We cannot restrain from the desires that sex lures us with. Then so often sex becomes so different after marriage. What happens? What goes so wrong, that people think it is truly better to have sex before marriage, because afterwards it changes and no longer has the thrill that it had before marriage?

I have experienced sex in all of its allurement. I have tasted all of the fruit that anyone can offer. I will tell you, I now have the best sex life, with my husband. Song of Songs 2:15, "Quick! Catch all the little foxes before they ruin the vineyard of your love, for the grapevines are all in blossom. My lover is mine, and I am his. He feeds among the lilies!" With sex, there is only one place where I have found true satisfaction, and that place is with my husband. If only I could convince people, I have eaten the forbidden fruit. It tastes so sweet in your mouth, but then it sours in your stomach. You will vomit what you eat, if you are not careful with your choices.

Jason saved himself for me. He guarded his eyes and he has only tasted of me. I can fully satisfy him, for he does not linger in the forbidden places. He is pleased with what I have, because he does not long for the illusion. No one can compete with your imagination. No one will ever be able to satisfy you, if you are constantly comparing them with fantasy. I am speaking to both men and women here. What you think you want and what you think would be better will only disappoint you. What you have is enough. God gave us marriage so that we could have the best sex life. Trust me a married man has the ability to have more sex than he could have ever dreamed up in his mind. A married woman has the potential of feeling desired every day. But it is up to you. Everyone wants to be sexually fulfilled, but too many are not willing to do the work outside of the bedroom to get there. Through marriage, I have been learning about the selfishness that we all hold on to. But with this selfishness comes want, and you will find that there is nothing that can satisfy this. What foxes have you let into your vineyard, that are now destroying your harvest? If you are not married yet, please wait. It is so worth the wait. If you are, do not look to others to fulfill your desires. We each have the power and the opportunity to have the best sex of our lives. But the question is, "How bad do you want it?"

Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest"
"In the matter of drudgery. Peter said in this passage that we have become "partakers of the divine nature" and that we should now be "giving all diligence," concentrating on forming godly habits ( 2 Peter 1:4-5). We are to "add" to our lives all that character means. No one is born either naturally or supernaturally with character; it must be developed. Nor are we born with habits— we have to form godly habits on the basis of the new life God has placed within us."

Meningful Life

Ecc. 11-12, "Young people, it’s wonderful to be young! Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give an account to God for everything you do. So refuse to worry, and keep your body healthy. But remember that youth, with a whole life before you, is meaningless.Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, 'Life is not pleasant anymore.'" Ecc 7:1-4, "A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume. And the day you die is better than the day you are born...A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time."

Over the past few years, I have been to many funerals. I have given my funeral lots of thought. "What do I want others to say about me? Will I have many people there remembering my life and how I influenced them? How will I be remembered?" I would hate for others to say that I was a fun woman and they had a great time laughing with me, but that is it. My desire is that whomever enters my life can say that their life changed and was better because of me. I want my life to have an impact on others for the better. My desire is that others are better because I was a positive influence and in turn they go out and have the same influence on others that I had on them.

Honestly, have you given your funeral any thought? If you are young, I can almost guarantee that you have not. But if you are a little older, have you? It is good to enjoy this life. It is good to have as many experiences as you can. It is wise to think about how your life influences others around you. Is it going to matter to anyone that you were ever here? We all want our life to matter. We all want to have meaning in our life and purpose. Trust me, you do. What you must ask yourself; what I must ask myself, is "what kind of influence have I made?" Ecclesiastes is a book about meaning and the meaninglessness of life. If we do not think about what our life means and the impact that we have on others, then our life is truly meaningless. What matters is that through our life, others find God, the one who makes our life meaningful. Have you found the meaning in life? Have you found the true joy that only He can bring? To you who are young, are you making your life count? If you were taken away from us now, has your life mattered? There is a reason you are here...Have you found it?

Hindrance or Ally

Proverbs 31, "A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman--who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her...She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks...She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm...Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land...Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]! She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction]. She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat. Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying], Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all. Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised! Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates [of the city]!" (Amplified Bible)

Oh, how I want to be this woman. I want so desperately to be the virtuous woman of character and value. I have lived with a reputation that was bad, and because of my husband I have walked into a reputation that was good. How I would hate to tarnish his reputation. How easily I could. I have discovered, it is very easy to ruin a good reputation. It takes many years to build a good reputation, but in one short time of not caring, that reputation could be destroyed (or at least, weakened). I am relating to my husband, but how often do we think this way about Jesus and the reputation that He gave us?

We are all the bride of Christ. We look at this verse and see the roles of a good wife, but do we apply this verse to our marriage with Christ. It does not matter if you are a man or a woman, in your heavenly marriage with Christ, this applies to both. Where ever we go what ever we are doing, we are a reflection of the one who gave us His name. When I moved here my name had been ruined. I had totally destroyed my reputation and others saw me as the adulterous woman. As soon as I married Jason, my named changed and I took on his reputation. Now when I go out into public, I am carrying his reputation with me. It is in my power to preserve the reputation that he has worked so hard to obtain; it is in my power to destroy his reputation with how I act. It is the same with all of us who call ourselves Christians. We have placed His name upon us, and it is His name that gets damaged by how we conduct ourselves. This is why His reputation is in danger, because of how His name has been wronged by how we portray Him to others. Are you being a good representation for your LORD?

Being a Fool

Proverbs 14:12, "There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." Of all of the ideas that I have had, there has been one that truly haunts my dreams. If you have surrounded yourself with fools, or if you have isolated yourself where you have no one else to help you with your decisions, then you are setting yourself up for failure. The lowest points in my life have been the times when I have chosen my own destruction, thinking I had come up with a good decision. What a fool we can be, while we are thinking we are so cleaver. So yes, I will share with you the greatest mistake of my life.

My ex husband and I had isolated ourselves. We had chosen to ignore any kind of warning from any of our friends, and we moved away. When we did this, we were left to our own stupidity. Remember that all people think they are wise in their own eyes, for if we thought we were really making a big mistake, we wouldn't do it. So there we were, traveling down the dark path of sexual temptation and physical desires. It came to the point in our life that my ex husband wanted to watch me with another man. The whole reason that I had gotten married was so that I would not have any other sexual partners. So, this was my bright idea. I decided that I could be a stripper. It sounded like a reasonable solution to the problem that faced me. He could watch, I wouldn't have to sleep with anyone, and I would get paid. Now in seeing my choice, you say, "how stupid you were." You are right, I was very stupid in my choice, but to me at the time, it seemed like a very reasonable solution to my problem.

Proverbs 10:21, "The godly give good advice, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense." I have shared with you my greatest failure. I have let you see how foolish I was, but that I thought I had made a good decision. I did this to open your eyes to the wisdom of foolish mistakes. We all think we are wise in our own eyes. What is it in your life that you thought you were making a wise choice and it turned into one of the biggest mistakes of your life? If you are seeking the ultimate pleasure; if you are trying to experience all this world can offer; you may be headed down a road that will lead you to utter ruin. What do the wise ones say about others who have made this decision before you? If you are wise you will look at the consequences that others have suffered, learn from them, and choose a different path.

Matthew 11:19, Jesus said, "wisdom is shown to be right by what results from it." A truly wise person will learn from the mistakes of others. A wise person will learn from their own mistakes and not repeat them. Even Solomon in all of his wisdom, ruined his own life because he did not have anyone telling him, he was making a mistake. If you wish to ruin your life, choose to do things "your" way. If you wish to have a life full of joy and less mistakes, surround yourself with others who will tell you the truth. Before you make that choice, pause long enough to consider the consequences that could come afterwards. Proverbs 19:3, "People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD." What have you chosen, that you try and blame someone else for the consequences that came later?

The Woman named Folly

If you are like most who struggle with sexual addictions, when you first turned on your computer this morning, it was not easy for you. We have taken the woman of Folly from Proverbs, and asked her to live with us in our homes. She is on the TV, she visits us on the computer. Even something as simple as checking our email, she is there. Proverbs 9:13-18, "The woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge. She sits at the door of her house, on a seat at the highest point of the city, calling out to those who pass by, who go straight on their way. 'Let all who are simple come in here!' she says to those who lack judgment. 'Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!' But little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of the grave." You cannot drive down the road in any big city and not be blasted with billboards. We are being destroyed from within and we act like we don't even notice.

Do you see how the conscience of our young are being taken from them? Our children are being attacked from every angle and most parents welcome it into their homes. Fathers sit back and let their children steel a glance without even knowing it, for they are fooled as well. Mothers have given up their judgment, for they feel defeated and rejected. Our society is pulling our children away from us and we do nothing. Our men are going to war every day, while our women dress to help defeat them.

This is what I see... Men get up every morning with defeat already in their minds. They are blasted with sexual temptation like never before. Then they are told they are just to accept it "for they are men and they cannot help it." Our women are disrespectful toward their husbands, yet loving to everyone else. Their husbands have become these lazy things that come home and sit in front of the TV, because this is what our society has told them to do. The wife is supposed to go out and work, clean the house, and cook dinner, because we all know that the men cannot do it without us. "For they are worthless." There is no expectation placed on them except to turn on the TV or computer and become this worthless pervert. But even in this they are a failure, and we are setting our sons and daughters up for this, while they are still young. We are raising a generation for defeat.

Please wake up! Our men deserve better. Our women need to feel loved from home and not have to compete with an illusion. Our God deserves more. What is happening, right in your own home? What are you turning a blind eye to? I have seen men, I know how strong they can be. I have seen men, I know how defeated they can feel. I am a woman, I know how hard it is for me. We must wake up to what is happening all around us, before we get boiled. I heard a story once about a frog. If you place a frog in boiling water, it will jump out. If you place the frog in water it likes, then bring it to boil slowly, it will gladly kill itself. We never see the fire being turned up, until it is too late. We all need to open our eyes to the truth. We are boiling our children, our families, our once strong men...

False Intimacy

Proverbs 5, "MY SON, be attentive to my Wisdom [godly Wisdom learned by actual and costly experience], and incline your ear to my understanding [of what is becoming and prudent for you],That you may exercise proper discrimination and discretion and your lips may guard and keep knowledge and the wise answer [to temptation]. For the lips of a loose woman (pornography, whom ever entices you) drip honey as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged and devouring sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold of Sheol (Hades, the place of the dead). She loses sight of and walks not in the path of life; her ways wind about aimlessly, and you cannot know them. Now therefore, my sons, listen to me, and depart not from the words of my mouth. Let your way in life be far from her, and come not near the door of her house [avoid the very scenes of temptation], Lest you give your honor to others and your years to those without mercy, Lest strangers [and false teachings] take their fill of your strength and wealth and your labors go to the house of an alien [from God]--And you groan and mourn when your end comes, when your flesh and body are consumed, And you say, How I hated instruction and discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers nor submitted and consented to those who instructed me. [The extent and boldness of] my sin involved almost all evil [in the estimation] of the congregation and the community. Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well. Should your offspring be dispersed abroad as water brooks in the streets?[Confine yourself to your own wife] let your children be for you alone, and not the children of strangers with you. Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]--let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love. Why should you, my son, be infatuated with a loose woman, embrace the bosom of an outsider, and go astray? For the ways of man are directly before the eyes of the Lord, and He [Who would have us live soberly, chastely, and godly] carefully weighs all man's goings."

This is the first time that I have ever copied the entire chapter of a book, but I think this one is that important. Oh how our society lies to men. "Your a guy, go to the strip club; Your a guy, you cannot help your desires; Your a guy, do what makes you feel good; Your a guy, there is nothing wrong with looking at pornography; Your a guy, you can look as long as you do not touch." How the lies go on and on. These are the lies that our society believes. Some think that just because you cannot see nipple, then it really is not pornography, but I say you men know the truth. You can look at a Victoria's Secret magazine and your imagination runs wild. I know, I made plenty of money with my clothes still on.

Please learn what makes a truly strong man. I have seen these men who try and portray themselves as strong and successful, but because of their weakness with pornography they are destroyed on the inside. Their entire life falls apart, all because they fall for the lies that they are being told. No wife can compete with the illusion. I could not compete with myself, because in the club, I was just an illusion. Please men, learn where true strength is held. Reach out and get someone to help you with the lies of the world. There is true strength in knowing when to say, "I've sinned, please help me, I cannot do this on my own." The strongest men I have ever met, get help when they know they are in over their head. Be a strong man...

Scociety Lies

Psalm 141, "O Lord, I am calling to You. Please hurry! Listen when I cry to You for help! Accept my prayer as incense offered to You, and my upraised hands as an evening offering. Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips. Don’t let me drift toward evil or take part in acts of wickedness. Don’t let me share in the delicacies of those who do wrong. Let the godly strike me! It will be a kindness! If they correct me, it is soothing medicine. Don’t let me refuse it."

I am getting myself prepared, mentally, for talking in some schools in Kansas, about abstinence. I have been asked to speak and have been asking God to give me wisdom with what I share. Since I have lived the life that I have, I cannot help but think about the problems that we all have with sex. When I first married Jason, I was a broken, bitter woman. I hated men. I thought they were all so disgusting, because of what I had seen in them. How depraved I had seen them become. Then God softened my heart with my first born son. It was through him that I started looking at things differently and began trying to understand the torment that he would face one day.

Our society has given our children an injustice. They are beaten with temptations everywhere their eyes turn. They cannot sit and watch an innocent movie, because there are none. We went to watch the new Star Trek movie and even in that, there were scenes and talk about sex. It is everywhere. What is society telling our young boys, "it is natural; it feels good, so go out and explore; what you do in your bed room is your business; the more you get, the more satisfied you will be." It goes on and on. What are we telling our girls? Look at how they dress. From very early we are sending our young girls out to be seductresses and the parents are approving. The average age for loosing your virginity now is 12. "But it is okay, you should explore your sexuality..." What?? Does no one care about the repercussions these children are going to face?

I have seen handsome, intelligent, successful men, broken because of their addiction to pornography. I have experienced the heartache that is placed upon girls, because of the lure of sex. I have experienced, first hand, the pains of the sex industry. And every day I see children's lives destroyed, now, because of what society is telling them. I have heard school counselors tell 7th grade girls that "they need to determine the boundaries they choose for sex." Are you kidding me! We should not be telling our children, that sex boundaries are just something that needs to thought about and they need to determine their own boundaries. I know, they are the one that have to make the decisions, but they need to be guided. They need to be told to set their boundaries high. Whatever happened to the adults leading the children? Well I guess they are. The question we must ask is, where are we leading them? Why don't we feel free to talk about consequences of our choices? Why are the adults sitting back silently, letting our children suffer with decision that are to hard for even the adults to conquer most of the time? I think it is because most adults are so ashamed of their own evil desires that they cannot talk about their own mistakes and weaknesses with their children. So we sit back and watch helplessly. No parents, help your children. Share your struggles so that your children can hopefully conquer theirs.

Choose to be Happy

Psalm 119, "Happy are people with integrity, who follow the Lord's teachings. Happy are those who keep His rules, who try to obey Him with their whole heart. They don't do what is wrong; they follow His ways. Lord, you gave your orders to be obeyed completely. I wish I were more loyal in obeying Your demands. Then I would not be ashamed when I study Your commands. When I learned that Your laws are fair, I praised You with an honest heart. I will obey Your demands, so please don't ever leave me... Open my eyes to see the miracles in Your teachings...I weep with grief; encourage me by Your word. Keep me from lying to myself... This is my happy way of life; obeying Your commandments... How sweet are Your words to my taste; they are sweeter than honey..."

If I would only live my life by obeying my LORD, things would go much smoother for me. Every day I try and begin my day by reading the bible. The days that I listen, are the days that go well for me. It is when I insist on acting for "my rights" that things go terribly wrong for me. Just yesterday I knew a test was coming, for everything that I read said to stay faithful for this is God testing you. It was obvious for I knew exactly what the test was. I blew it. I insisted on letting Jason know exactly how I was feeling and let my emotions dictate exactly where the morning started. We are living on a very tight budget right now. Which I am fully behind, but I felt I was getting the shaft when it came to things that "I" wanted. I felt, "if 'he' feels it is important, then he will find a way to get it." I was wrong, and I knew it. I heard God telling me to settle down and not say what I was feeling, but I did not care. I wanted to vent my frustrations and in doing so, I hurt a very good man in the process.

I started the day with His words telling me, it is going to be a test. But I did not care. My eyes were open to exactly what was happening, and I insisted on doing it anyway. This has been the story of my life. I know what I am doing, then I sit and feel bad about what has happened with my life. It is in these moments that I am choosing, not to listen to God. He speaks to me, but I choose to do things my own way. It is in these situations that I cry. It is in these moments that I wish I had chosen to do things differently, but I had to have 'my' own way. How foolish this is... (Ps:112), "Happy are those who fear the LORD. Yes, happy are those who delight in doing what He commands." He wants us to listen to Him. He is giving us the best pathway for peace and happiness, but so often we choose not to listen. It can be so simple, but we are bent toward selfishness. If I could just lay aside my own selfish desires all of the time, then my life would consistently be wonderful.

Happy are people with integrity, who consistently follow the way of the LORD. He gives us help for every day, in order for us to be happy that day. I wish that I was more consistent. "Oh God, help me this day, so that I might live following Your guidance. For it is in these moments of selflessness that I am most happy. It is in these moments that I can see, You are guiding me."