Death's Door

Destruction is all around. Everything that you tried and believed in is now dying. Death is at your door. You are all alone and the feeling of doom is upon you. Have you ever been in this place? Have you ever felt like your life was over and there was no where to turn? I have. Then I called out to Christ and He was there. I did not understand what He was doing or where He was taking me, but He saved my life and gave me a new one. Isaiah 25, "O LORD, You are my God; I will exalt You and praise Your name, for in perfect faithfulness You have done marvelous things, things planned long ago...Therefore strong peoples will honor You; cities of ruthless nations will revere You. You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat. For the breath of the ruthless is like a storm driving against a wall and like the heat of the desert...He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; He will remove the disgrace of His people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken. In that day they will say, 'Surely this is our God; we trusted in Him, and He saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in Him; let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.'"

As I read these chapters in Isaiah and how the LORD is going to bring so much destruction on so many, I find comfort in knowing that I am saved. But my memories take me back to the time when I was at the doors of death. My life choices took me to a place where I was utterly alone and desperate. In my final act of desperation, I called out to Him. I admitted that I had done everything wrong and that He was the only one who could save me from myself. In His unfailing love, He did. Now, my life has no resemblances of my past sin. Only my memories provide me with the everlasting remains of my sin. He remembers them no longer, but in His wisdom, so that we do not get proud, I remember them forever.

If you have ever been in this place of absolute despair then you understand. I still have times of depression, rage and other emotions that I know I need to get under control, but even in my lowest moments with God, I do not feel the same as I did when I had turned my back on Him. When we are living in sin, our soul cannot rest. There is something inside each one of us that longs to be close to Him. Only Christ can fill this place. I tried to fill it with drugs, sexual intimacy, partying... nothing could fill this place, for it was made especially for Him. We must look at our lives with the vision of truth. When I finally looked at myself truthfully, He was able to give me peace. We can lie to ourselves and blame others for our choices, but the reality is "I chose the choices that I chose." I can blame no one else for my sins. I can look at myself truthfully, see my sins, ask Him for forgiveness, then go and live that way no longer. He never said to go and continue in your lifestyle, but to change. What have you not been willing to admit to yourself, yet. All because you were not willing to change.

There is life waiting each of us; all we have to do is to trust in Him. Trust your life to Him, for He is the only one who can bring you true life.