Psalm 119, "Happy are people with integrity, who follow the Lord's teachings. Happy are those who keep His rules, who try to obey Him with their whole heart. They don't do what is wrong; they follow His ways. Lord, you gave your orders to be obeyed completely. I wish I were more loyal in obeying Your demands. Then I would not be ashamed when I study Your commands. When I learned that Your laws are fair, I praised You with an honest heart. I will obey Your demands, so please don't ever leave me... Open my eyes to see the miracles in Your teachings...I weep with grief; encourage me by Your word. Keep me from lying to myself... This is my happy way of life; obeying Your commandments... How sweet are Your words to my taste; they are sweeter than honey..."
If I would only live my life by obeying my LORD, things would go much smoother for me. Every day I try and begin my day by reading the bible. The days that I listen, are the days that go well for me. It is when I insist on acting for "my rights" that things go terribly wrong for me. Just yesterday I knew a test was coming, for everything that I read said to stay faithful for this is God testing you. It was obvious for I knew exactly what the test was. I blew it. I insisted on letting Jason know exactly how I was feeling and let my emotions dictate exactly where the morning started. We are living on a very tight budget right now. Which I am fully behind, but I felt I was getting the shaft when it came to things that "I" wanted. I felt, "if 'he' feels it is important, then he will find a way to get it." I was wrong, and I knew it. I heard God telling me to settle down and not say what I was feeling, but I did not care. I wanted to vent my frustrations and in doing so, I hurt a very good man in the process.
I started the day with His words telling me, it is going to be a test. But I did not care. My eyes were open to exactly what was happening, and I insisted on doing it anyway. This has been the story of my life. I know what I am doing, then I sit and feel bad about what has happened with my life. It is in these moments that I am choosing, not to listen to God. He speaks to me, but I choose to do things my own way. It is in these situations that I cry. It is in these moments that I wish I had chosen to do things differently, but I had to have 'my' own way. How foolish this is... (Ps:112), "Happy are those who fear the LORD. Yes, happy are those who delight in doing what He commands." He wants us to listen to Him. He is giving us the best pathway for peace and happiness, but so often we choose not to listen. It can be so simple, but we are bent toward selfishness. If I could just lay aside my own selfish desires all of the time, then my life would consistently be wonderful.
Happy are people with integrity, who consistently follow the way of the LORD. He gives us help for every day, in order for us to be happy that day. I wish that I was more consistent. "Oh God, help me this day, so that I might live following Your guidance. For it is in these moments of selflessness that I am most happy. It is in these moments that I can see, You are guiding me."
No comments:
Post a Comment