Insanity, Really??

Jeremiah 23:16-17, "This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says to His people: 'Do not listen to these prophets when they prophesy to you, filling you with futile hopes. They are making up everything they say. They do not speak for the Lord! They keep saying to those who despise My word, ‘Don’t worry! The Lord says you will have peace!’ And to those who stubbornly follow their own desires, they say, ‘No harm will come your way!'"

When I first left my ex husband, I was a broken victim. I looked at the life that I had lived and I blamed him for all of my troubles. Trust me, I had the perfect excuse, no one blamed me or told me that it was my fault. They all agreed with everything that I said and justified my leaving him. Thankfully I went to Stone Gate only two months after I left him. (www.stonegateresources.org) Harry was the main counselor there. For three days he listened to my story and allowed me to continue in my thought, for three days. On the fourth day he hit me with a sledge hammer that took the breath from my victimization. He allowed me to see that everything that I had done was actually my fault. Now I know I could not control my ex husband, but I did have control over myself and I was no victim at all. I had chosen to act the way that I had acted.

We can all see the ones who live as a victim. They live in the past blaming others for their pitiful life and they are still making the same mistakes. Nothing is ever really their fault. They blame everyone else for the trials in their life. They think that they don't, but they do. They would swear to you, that I am wrong, but all you have to do is to look at the patterns they are still living and the things that are coming out of their own mouths. So often we think that if we really look at ourselves and the evil that we have done, we will actually loose it and go crazy. We desperately hold on to the "blame everyone else" game and think this will keep us from insanity. I am so thankful that through Harry, God opened my eyes to the truth of my own sin. By looking at myself, I thought I was truly going to go insane. We tend to believe, "if we go there, we may never come out again." This is a lie that Satan has us to believe, for if we believe him, he can keep hold of us in our sin.

It is hard for me to look at myself so much. I want to just be the one in the right, just once. I want to be justified in my fit. I want to be right in letting go of my emotions and just blowing up. But, there is really never any freedom in loosing myself that way. In blaming others for my problems, I could very easily ruin the marriage I am currently in. I could blame Jason for so much and destroy our marriage, but in keeping my eyes on myself, our marriage is safe. There are some things that he does that are wrong, but it is not good for me to sin when I point out his sin to him. I am to go to him in love. I am to help him and he is to help me. If he looses his temper, it does not help the situation if I loose mine. If I am having a day of "emotions," it does not help anyone if he looses control of his emotions. We are not perfect and we sometimes loose control at the same time. When this happens, whether he says he is sorry or not, I am to say that I am sorry. I must keep my eyes on myself or I will become the victim.

Have you taken a close look at your own responsibility in your sins? Do you play the victim and live in your justification of your life? It is hard looking at yourself all of the time. Sometimes I just want to blame someone else, but there is no freedom there. Sometimes I feel like I am going to go insane when I take a good look at my faults, but I always come out on the other side a more secure and whole person. I do not like to look at my failures, but in acknowledging my sin, He can come in and save me. My heart is wicked, evil and I know it. If I did not acknowledge this, Christ would have no room to heal me. Listen to what you say. Do you say that you are a good person? Through being a "good" person, you are justifying your actions. If you acknowledge that you are evil and sin, then Christ can come in and help you overcome your sins. Do not blame others for your sin. Look through the eyes of truth and find life there, you will not go insane. "If you do not know how to morn with Him, then you will never be able to dance with Him. He turned my wailing into dancing. Trust Him with the wailing." (Beth Moore)