Why do I read the bible so much? Why do I listen to all of the speakers, every chance that I get? I have to, I need the help. I cannot do this on my own. If I am left to myself, I will make a mockery of my life, of my family, of my God. Isaiah 48:8-11, "You have neither heard nor understood; from of old your ear has not been open. Well do I know how treacherous you are; you were called a rebel from birth. For my own name's sake I delay my wrath; for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you, so as not to cut you off. See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another."
Even when I am surrounding myself with His words and His wisdom, I struggle. But I do not want to be that person any longer. I do not want to be a slave to this world. I know the heartache that comes with living "just as I please." There is no life there. The things that I used to rely on, feed me only bitter fruit. When I am only thinking about myself and what I want, my life is miserable. I hate living for myself. I cannot! What my flesh wants to do is have a little more to drink; take a little more time in the stupor of selfishness. But I know that if I allow myself to go there, my whole world would end as I know it today. Isaiah 47:10-11, "You felt secure in your wickedness. 'No one sees me.' you said. Your 'wisdom' and 'knowledge' have caused you to turn away from Me and claim, 'I am self-sufficient and not accountable to anyone!' So disaster will overtake you suddenly, and you won't be able to buy your way out. A catastrophe will arise so fast that you won't know what hit you."
The reason that I am so dedicated to study, is because I know how weak I am. I cannot go down that road again and I need Him to help me. I have tasted the sting of divorce. I know how hard it is to be addicted to a substance. I have felt the soul wrenching bite of sexual sin. I refuse to be dependent on myself any longer. I am weak and He is strong. With His help, I can live this life to the fullest. If it is left up to me, I will choose heartache every time, but with His help I will live for life. I must start my day with Him on my mind and open my heart to His bidding. I am a selfish person and I will tear my family apart, if I am left to myself. For many that one drink they desire can be the end of their family. That one sexual conquest will destroy everyone around you. That one fit that you feel you must have, will crush your loved ones. Stop turning to your desires, for your desires will only bring destruction. Turn all of your want to Christ and He will show you how fulfilled you can truly be.
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