Ecclesiastes 2, "After much thought, I decided to cheer myself with wine. And while still seeking wisdom, I clutched at foolishness. In this way, I tried to experience the only happiness most people find during their brief life in this world."
Yesterday was another wonderful day for Sophia's Kitchen. Katie did a wonderful job expressing her wounds that she has obtained during her experiences in high school and college. She, like most of us, thought that partying, drinking and being foolish was going to give her satisfaction. What she discovered was a whole lot of bad choices, because of drinking, only gives you a whole lot of heartache. “Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. Meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure.” (RZ) It is in seeking pleasure that we find the true emptiness in life. It is in our search for physical pleasure that we find the wounds only get deeper.
How many times have I had sweet young girls tell me about having sex with someone because of getting too drunk. They either were passed out and find out the next day, or just loose all care in the moment. Either way pain is the result and for some reason the pain in drinking causes you to drink again thinking it will cover over the past pain. The truth is that more pain is felt. We risk another disaster, hoping for a chance at fun. We take a gamble that is greater than any other, chancing a moment of folly not expecting the winds of regret to blow.
When I was in college, I went out drinking and partying with friends. I was with this guy, thinking he would be safe and I could drink around him. As the night progressed I started to regret being around him and pretended to pass out. (Luckily I wasn't as drunk as I was letting on). He started to undress me. He had no idea that I was fully aware of what was happening. I had only pretended to pass out hoping that it would end his pursuit. The reality was, if I had really passed out he would have raped me. I was lucky that night, for when he tried to take off my pants, I "miraculously" woke up stumbling around, gathered my clothes, and got out. I was really quite sober by this point. I was lucky, but how many of my sweet girls have not been. He was a "good guy." We went to a Christian University and he was my friend. But in the moment of drinking we were both going to have more regret than we would have had if alcohol had not been involved. I would have been raped (yes, it is rape if the girl is passed out), and he would have been a rapist. Something neither of us could have gotten over very easily.
“Skillful living vs. train wreck reacting. Some of us depend on a crisis to bring us into change. The essence of life is not just picking up shattered pieces.”(BM) Please listen to those who have experienced the wrong side of pleasure. That night of fun can cause a life time of shattered pieces. The choices you make now, do matter. You can either choose the hard choices to be wise now, or you can reap the hurt and heartache later. It is much harder, in the long run, to have to try and put the broken pieces back together. After tasting the hurt of "partying" my college girls are having the struggle of trying to live differently. When you have built your reputation in one way, changing your actions to change your reputation can seem almost impossible. It can be done, but how much harder it is to climb out of a hole that you dug yourself.
Oswald Chambers, "Have you ever said to yourself, 'I am impressed with the wonderful truths of God’s Word, but He can’t really expect me to live up to that and work all those details into my life!' When it comes to confronting Jesus Christ on the basis of His qualities and abilities, our attitudes reflect religious superiority. We think His ideals are lofty and they impress us, but we believe He is not in touch with reality— that what He says cannot actually be done...My misgivings arise from the fact that I search within to find how He will do what He says. My doubts spring from the depths of my own inferiority. If I detect these misgivings in myself, I should bring them into the light and confess them openly— 'Lord, I have had misgivings about You. I have not believed in Your abilities, but only my own. And I have not believed in Your almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it.'" Doing the right thing is hard, changing the bad is even harder. Without Him to help you, it is impossible, or it will still leave you wanting more...
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/26/devotion.aspx?year=2010
(RZ) Ravi Zacharias
(BM) Beth Moore
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
My heart, my heart—I writhe in pain!
Jeremiah 4:19-22, "My heart, my heart—I writhe in pain! My heart pounds within me! I cannot be still... Waves of destruction roll over the land, until it lies in complete desolation. Suddenly my tents are destroyed; in a moment my shelters are crushed... 'My people are foolish and do not know Me,' says the Lord. 'They are stupid children who have no understanding. They are clever enough at doing wrong, but they have no idea how to do right!'”
Oh how I know the waves of destruction all too well. The crazy thing is that you are rocking along, having fun, living it up. Then all of a sudden you look around and you are surrounded by death. You can't see how you got there, or how it got that bad. All you know is that your heart, your heart- you're writhing in pain! The walls of death surround you and your home, your shelter, is now destroyed. You have two options be a victim and blame someone else, anyone else, or you can admit to Christ how you have destroyed your own life. They're both hard, but only one brings you out victoriously.
When I first opened my eyes to how appalling my life had become, nothing hurt more. The easy way is the victim's way. But if I had stayed that way, I would still be living the same. You see my surroundings would have changed, my husband would be a different husband, my home would look different, but I would have stayed the same. The true problem lied within me. I could have very easily destroyed another. I could have kept lying to myself, but I tell you the truth; "The truth shall set you free."
I give Jason a lot of credit for how my life is different, but he is only a tool God used. Everyone has someone God is using to help their change happen. The question isn't, "is there someone in my life that can help bring me closer to God?" It is, "are you willing to accept that person's help?" I did not want Jason's help. I hated men! Why would I want a boy to help me! God will give you the help you need in the way it will help you the most. The last thing I was asking for was help from a guy. But I had been seeking God for some time now, even though my life didn't look like it. I knew that what I would have chosen would have been the wrong choice, so I knew I wasn't choosing this way. God was. Luke 11:9-13, Jesus said, “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." Because I had been crying out to God, asking Him, begging Him to help me; I knew Gunnison, Jason was a door He was opening for me. So I walked in obediently, kicking and screaming the whole way, but I still walked.
Everyone has an opened door in front of them. Everyone has someone there to help them through to the next room. The question is, are you willing to accept the help from the one God has giving you, even if that person is the last person you would want help from. I did not want help from Jason, but God used him to change my heart. For if my heart would not have changed, I would once again found myself looking around my home calling out, "My heart, my heart—I writhe in pain! My heart pounds within me! I cannot be still... Waves of destruction roll over the land, until it lies in complete desolation. Suddenly my tents are destroyed; in a moment my shelters are crushed." This is not how my story ends, for I finally accepted my responsibility and guilt. When I did this, Christ did the rest and changed my life. Here are the steps: Belief- Confession- Repentance= Change. Everyday...
Oh how I know the waves of destruction all too well. The crazy thing is that you are rocking along, having fun, living it up. Then all of a sudden you look around and you are surrounded by death. You can't see how you got there, or how it got that bad. All you know is that your heart, your heart- you're writhing in pain! The walls of death surround you and your home, your shelter, is now destroyed. You have two options be a victim and blame someone else, anyone else, or you can admit to Christ how you have destroyed your own life. They're both hard, but only one brings you out victoriously.
When I first opened my eyes to how appalling my life had become, nothing hurt more. The easy way is the victim's way. But if I had stayed that way, I would still be living the same. You see my surroundings would have changed, my husband would be a different husband, my home would look different, but I would have stayed the same. The true problem lied within me. I could have very easily destroyed another. I could have kept lying to myself, but I tell you the truth; "The truth shall set you free."
I give Jason a lot of credit for how my life is different, but he is only a tool God used. Everyone has someone God is using to help their change happen. The question isn't, "is there someone in my life that can help bring me closer to God?" It is, "are you willing to accept that person's help?" I did not want Jason's help. I hated men! Why would I want a boy to help me! God will give you the help you need in the way it will help you the most. The last thing I was asking for was help from a guy. But I had been seeking God for some time now, even though my life didn't look like it. I knew that what I would have chosen would have been the wrong choice, so I knew I wasn't choosing this way. God was. Luke 11:9-13, Jesus said, “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." Because I had been crying out to God, asking Him, begging Him to help me; I knew Gunnison, Jason was a door He was opening for me. So I walked in obediently, kicking and screaming the whole way, but I still walked.
Everyone has an opened door in front of them. Everyone has someone there to help them through to the next room. The question is, are you willing to accept the help from the one God has giving you, even if that person is the last person you would want help from. I did not want help from Jason, but God used him to change my heart. For if my heart would not have changed, I would once again found myself looking around my home calling out, "My heart, my heart—I writhe in pain! My heart pounds within me! I cannot be still... Waves of destruction roll over the land, until it lies in complete desolation. Suddenly my tents are destroyed; in a moment my shelters are crushed." This is not how my story ends, for I finally accepted my responsibility and guilt. When I did this, Christ did the rest and changed my life. Here are the steps: Belief- Confession- Repentance= Change. Everyday...
Monday, February 22, 2010
Perseverance
This morning I did my thing: got the boys their oatmeal, put on their shows, got my coffee and sat with my bible. I flipped through the pages and heard nothing. Sometimes there is nothing. Sometimes everything in life is quiet. Sometimes everything is still for a moment, but it is in these moments that everything is tested. Everything in my life is looking better. My MS is getting better, at least I am able to type somewhat normal now. Sophia's Kitchen seems to have had a great start. (A lunch program for our HS girls. They come eat for free and listen to a life lesson from one of the volunteers) I'm going to Kansas in a month to speak. I am seeing lives changed all around me, but this morning all is still. These are the times when doubt comes in. These are the moments when you feel very small. These are the moments when you tend to ask yourself, "Do I really do anything at all?"
Then I read Oswald Chambers, "Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that some how Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for— love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men— will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us. Then there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated."
Revelation 3:10, “Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world." Is God really that small to me? I have been living on a high for God and with one quiet moment, is He really that small! For these are the doubts that start pilling in on top of me: No one reads this stuff anyway. Why do you really think you have anything to offer? Then it hits me like a brick. You do nothing for you. If you are to be small, that is fine. He is big and through your life, He can be seen and that is all that matters.
It is in these quiet moments that I can hear the true meaning of my life. My life is not for my enjoyment. It is not for my glory. It is not so that I can be on a constant high with Him. My life is small, and that is okay. I serve the Creator of the Universe. The LORD of lords, is who walks with me. He is big. He is all that matters. In those quiet moments do I hear His call? Will I persevere, even when the doubts of my calling come creeping in? I would have to say, yes. I'm writing aren't I. My LORD is big, and every little thing I do shows His greatness. In everything I do, I am called to worship Him. No matter what...
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/22/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Then I read Oswald Chambers, "Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that some how Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for— love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men— will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us. Then there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated."
Revelation 3:10, “Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world." Is God really that small to me? I have been living on a high for God and with one quiet moment, is He really that small! For these are the doubts that start pilling in on top of me: No one reads this stuff anyway. Why do you really think you have anything to offer? Then it hits me like a brick. You do nothing for you. If you are to be small, that is fine. He is big and through your life, He can be seen and that is all that matters.
It is in these quiet moments that I can hear the true meaning of my life. My life is not for my enjoyment. It is not for my glory. It is not so that I can be on a constant high with Him. My life is small, and that is okay. I serve the Creator of the Universe. The LORD of lords, is who walks with me. He is big. He is all that matters. In those quiet moments do I hear His call? Will I persevere, even when the doubts of my calling come creeping in? I would have to say, yes. I'm writing aren't I. My LORD is big, and every little thing I do shows His greatness. In everything I do, I am called to worship Him. No matter what...
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/22/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Psalm 119
How I love You, my LORD. How sweet are Your words to my taste; they are sweeter than honey. Your word is a lamp for my path. You are my Savior, my Redeemer, my Lover, my Friend. How I love Your laws, for they are made for my protection. They give me wise counsel and they make me look wise. Keep me from lying to myself. Teach me, O LORD to follow every one of Your principles. Make me walk along the path of Your commands for that is where my happiness is found.
Happy are people of integrity, who follow Your ways. Happy are those who obey Your decrees and search for You with all their hearts. Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths of Your law. I need the guidance of Your commandments. Don't hide them from me. Your decrees please me; they give me wise advise. Now teach me Your truth. Help me understand the meaning of Your commandments, and I will meditate on Your wonderful miracles. When I weep with grief; encourage me by Your word. Keep me from lying to myself.
I used to wonder off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow Your words. You are good and do only good; teach me Your truth. The suffering You sent was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to Your truth. Your law is more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver. This is my happy way of life: obeying Your commandments. When I find myself wallowing in self pity and despair; help me to remember You.
LORD, You are mine! I promise to obey Your words! Be merciful just as You promised. I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow Your truths. Now teach me good judgment and knowledge. I faint with longing for Your salvation; but I have put my hope in Your word. Now let Your unfailing love comfort me, just as You promised me, Your servant. Surround me with Your tender mercies so I may live.
I pray with all my heart; answer me, LORD! I will obey Your decrees. I cry out to You; rescue me, that I may obey Your laws. I rise early, before the sun is up; I cry out for help and put my hope in Your words. I stay awake through the night, thinking about Your promise. In Your faithful love, O Lord, hear my cry; let me be revived by following Your methods. You are near and Your commandments are true. My heart trembles only at Your word. I rejoice in Your word like one who discovers a great treasure. I will praise you seven times a day because all Your ways are just. Those who love Your instructions have great peace, and do not stumble. I long for Your rescue, Lord, so I have obeyed Your commands. I have obeyed Your laws, for I love them very much. Yes, I obey Your commandments and laws because You know everything I do.
Oh, how I love You, my God. Help me to see You for the truth that You are. Help me to never consider You small. When I feel trapped in despair, help me to remember Your ways. Help me to keep my focus off of myself and to direct my attention to You, the author of life. Help me to walk in Your paths, for I love You very much. I obey Your ways, because You loved me first. You are my God, my Redeemer, my Lover, my Friend...
Happy are people of integrity, who follow Your ways. Happy are those who obey Your decrees and search for You with all their hearts. Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths of Your law. I need the guidance of Your commandments. Don't hide them from me. Your decrees please me; they give me wise advise. Now teach me Your truth. Help me understand the meaning of Your commandments, and I will meditate on Your wonderful miracles. When I weep with grief; encourage me by Your word. Keep me from lying to myself.
I used to wonder off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow Your words. You are good and do only good; teach me Your truth. The suffering You sent was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to Your truth. Your law is more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver. This is my happy way of life: obeying Your commandments. When I find myself wallowing in self pity and despair; help me to remember You.
LORD, You are mine! I promise to obey Your words! Be merciful just as You promised. I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow Your truths. Now teach me good judgment and knowledge. I faint with longing for Your salvation; but I have put my hope in Your word. Now let Your unfailing love comfort me, just as You promised me, Your servant. Surround me with Your tender mercies so I may live.
I pray with all my heart; answer me, LORD! I will obey Your decrees. I cry out to You; rescue me, that I may obey Your laws. I rise early, before the sun is up; I cry out for help and put my hope in Your words. I stay awake through the night, thinking about Your promise. In Your faithful love, O Lord, hear my cry; let me be revived by following Your methods. You are near and Your commandments are true. My heart trembles only at Your word. I rejoice in Your word like one who discovers a great treasure. I will praise you seven times a day because all Your ways are just. Those who love Your instructions have great peace, and do not stumble. I long for Your rescue, Lord, so I have obeyed Your commands. I have obeyed Your laws, for I love them very much. Yes, I obey Your commandments and laws because You know everything I do.
Oh, how I love You, my God. Help me to see You for the truth that You are. Help me to never consider You small. When I feel trapped in despair, help me to remember Your ways. Help me to keep my focus off of myself and to direct my attention to You, the author of life. Help me to walk in Your paths, for I love You very much. I obey Your ways, because You loved me first. You are my God, my Redeemer, my Lover, my Friend...
Monday, February 15, 2010
All Your Heart, Soul, Strength
Deuteronomy 6:5, “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly.."
Have you ever watched someone who absolutely loves sports, hunting, cooking; you know that person that has a passion for it? Have you noticed, they can tell you everything about their love. The sports fanatic can tell you every player, what that player has achieved, where that player is going. The hunter knows every gun, and the different grains of ammunition. The cook, well everyone loves to eat their food, because they know just the right ingredients to add that sends everyone away wanting more, but full to the brim. We know when someone is in love. We know when they are a fan, and whose team they are rooting for. Loving to do things that refresh us is good. It is good to give our stresses and cares a break, but their is a key. There is a command that God has given us. Do we hear Him?
How much time do we really spend falling in love with Him? Did we fall asleep last night with Christ singing us a lullaby? Did we wake this morning with Him calling us to come and spend some time with Him? During the day today will we give Him a second thought? Does He really affect our daily living? These are questions that each of us have to answer, but when we answer them, we need to make sure we are seeing our love walk through His eyes. Are other people who come in contact with me today, are they going to be able to feel Christ's love through me? Are my children?
Yesterday was Valentines Day. Jason and I did nothing special for each other. He got me no flowers. I didn't get him a card. But, it was a wonderful day, being in love with each other. Our love walk is a daily thing, so we do not need a special day, once a year. It is every day. If he did not show me his love every day, then those days set aside would crush me if he did not go all out. It would become about me and I would say, "Cant you even take one day and show me that you love me." I would expect the flowers and the dinner out, but yesterday I got nothing out of the ordinary and I didn't care. Actually he doesn't even tell me that he loves me, but maybe twice a year. He shows me that he loves me, every day. He is my biggest fan and I am his.
God wants us to be His biggest fan. It is all about showing Him to others. Are we, daily?
Oswald Chambers, "'You shall be witnesses to Me...' ( Acts 1:8 ). How many of us are willing to spend every bit of our nervous, mental, moral, and spiritual energy for Jesus Christ? That is what God means when He uses the word witness. But it takes time, so be patient with yourself. Why has God left us on the earth? Is it simply to be saved and sanctified? No, it is to be at work in service to Him. Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine for Him? Am I willing to be of no value to this age or this life except for one purpose and one alone— to be used to disciple men and women to the Lord Jesus Christ. My life of service to God is the way I say 'thank you' to Him for His inexpressibly wonderful salvation. Remember, it is quite possible for God to set any of us aside if we refuse to be of service to Him— '... lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified' ( 1 Corinthians 9:27 )."
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/15/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Have you ever watched someone who absolutely loves sports, hunting, cooking; you know that person that has a passion for it? Have you noticed, they can tell you everything about their love. The sports fanatic can tell you every player, what that player has achieved, where that player is going. The hunter knows every gun, and the different grains of ammunition. The cook, well everyone loves to eat their food, because they know just the right ingredients to add that sends everyone away wanting more, but full to the brim. We know when someone is in love. We know when they are a fan, and whose team they are rooting for. Loving to do things that refresh us is good. It is good to give our stresses and cares a break, but their is a key. There is a command that God has given us. Do we hear Him?
How much time do we really spend falling in love with Him? Did we fall asleep last night with Christ singing us a lullaby? Did we wake this morning with Him calling us to come and spend some time with Him? During the day today will we give Him a second thought? Does He really affect our daily living? These are questions that each of us have to answer, but when we answer them, we need to make sure we are seeing our love walk through His eyes. Are other people who come in contact with me today, are they going to be able to feel Christ's love through me? Are my children?
Yesterday was Valentines Day. Jason and I did nothing special for each other. He got me no flowers. I didn't get him a card. But, it was a wonderful day, being in love with each other. Our love walk is a daily thing, so we do not need a special day, once a year. It is every day. If he did not show me his love every day, then those days set aside would crush me if he did not go all out. It would become about me and I would say, "Cant you even take one day and show me that you love me." I would expect the flowers and the dinner out, but yesterday I got nothing out of the ordinary and I didn't care. Actually he doesn't even tell me that he loves me, but maybe twice a year. He shows me that he loves me, every day. He is my biggest fan and I am his.
God wants us to be His biggest fan. It is all about showing Him to others. Are we, daily?
Oswald Chambers, "'You shall be witnesses to Me...' ( Acts 1:8 ). How many of us are willing to spend every bit of our nervous, mental, moral, and spiritual energy for Jesus Christ? That is what God means when He uses the word witness. But it takes time, so be patient with yourself. Why has God left us on the earth? Is it simply to be saved and sanctified? No, it is to be at work in service to Him. Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine for Him? Am I willing to be of no value to this age or this life except for one purpose and one alone— to be used to disciple men and women to the Lord Jesus Christ. My life of service to God is the way I say 'thank you' to Him for His inexpressibly wonderful salvation. Remember, it is quite possible for God to set any of us aside if we refuse to be of service to Him— '... lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified' ( 1 Corinthians 9:27 )."
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/15/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Valentine
The first of February I entered a love letters contest through Focus on the Family. So almost every day I have been writing a new letter to Jason for this contest. Now the contest is over and I was not a winner, but I did win. My focus for Jason was restarted and my love ignited. Here are peaces of my letters put together for my husband. The reason for my love...
Jason,
"Through you, I have found the love of my LORD. The more in love with Christ I become, the more in love with you I am.
You took a broken woman and transformed me with God's love. I was a woman broken from drugs and the dark world of stripping. I was broken with MS. I was unlovable, yet you loved me anyway. I wore a scarlet letter. Now I am washed clean as the new day of snow. You are my Hosea!
When this journey began, I didn't want it. I tried my best to scare you away. I had already been married before, why would I want to do that again? Instead of running away from the ugliness of my past, your words were, “I think I am here to help you heal.” How true this was.
One day, several years ago, I looked at you and said, "I love you, but I am not in love with you." Words meant to harm, not comfort. Instead of giving up, you dug in, but in a way that no one had ever done for me before. You turned to Christ. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." This became your scripture. You started treating me like you really thought Christ would treat me, and my hard heart softened. Honestly, after years of being put through a shredder, it only took a very short time and I was healed.
Thank you for listening to God, instead of running from what must have seemed an impossible challenge. You took the broken woman God was placing in front of you, and helped to make me whole. Why would anyone want to go there? My past was full of more pain than most anyone would ever want to face, but you were stronger than my past. Thank you for the willingness to walk with me on my journey.
You took every idea I ever had and changed the meaning to truth. I discovered the muscular strength of youth fades, but the inner strength of a godly man makes him big. When I was young I thought that the strength came from physical mass, but as I have watched you mature I have discovered just how strong you really are. You are the strongest man I have ever known.
Do you know that I love looking at your reflection in the mirror. For the image that I see, is not the man that stands beside me, but my Lord, Christ. When I think of you, I see Him. You showed me Christ in a way no other ever taught me. When I see you walk into a room, my heart jumps knowing you are here. No other could ever compare to you. I am confident within myself, knowing that you are mine. Your strength gives me strength. Your name gives me a good reputation. Your God has given me a new life. I love the man you are. I love the confidence you carry. I love that our boys watch you to see who they are to become. You are my Hosea, my redeemer, my lover, my rock, my.... I love you.
Thank you for helping me become the woman I am today. Thank you for letting me be open about my past life. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to make good what Satan intended for evil. I love working with you in helping others see that; if we can make it, they can make it too."
This is my love letter to my husband. Without the love of God radiating out from him, we would have never made it. My heart had been torn in so many pieces, who could have found all of them! Christ showed up, knowing where they all were. It is not really Jason that I have fallen in love with, but Christ through him. There is really only one way to write a love story and that is with the true author of love. Without Him, there is always something missing. Without Him, our true selfish selves show up. With Him, passion takes over and love never dies. For the greatest of these things is love....
Jason,
"Through you, I have found the love of my LORD. The more in love with Christ I become, the more in love with you I am.
You took a broken woman and transformed me with God's love. I was a woman broken from drugs and the dark world of stripping. I was broken with MS. I was unlovable, yet you loved me anyway. I wore a scarlet letter. Now I am washed clean as the new day of snow. You are my Hosea!
When this journey began, I didn't want it. I tried my best to scare you away. I had already been married before, why would I want to do that again? Instead of running away from the ugliness of my past, your words were, “I think I am here to help you heal.” How true this was.
One day, several years ago, I looked at you and said, "I love you, but I am not in love with you." Words meant to harm, not comfort. Instead of giving up, you dug in, but in a way that no one had ever done for me before. You turned to Christ. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." This became your scripture. You started treating me like you really thought Christ would treat me, and my hard heart softened. Honestly, after years of being put through a shredder, it only took a very short time and I was healed.
Thank you for listening to God, instead of running from what must have seemed an impossible challenge. You took the broken woman God was placing in front of you, and helped to make me whole. Why would anyone want to go there? My past was full of more pain than most anyone would ever want to face, but you were stronger than my past. Thank you for the willingness to walk with me on my journey.
You took every idea I ever had and changed the meaning to truth. I discovered the muscular strength of youth fades, but the inner strength of a godly man makes him big. When I was young I thought that the strength came from physical mass, but as I have watched you mature I have discovered just how strong you really are. You are the strongest man I have ever known.
Do you know that I love looking at your reflection in the mirror. For the image that I see, is not the man that stands beside me, but my Lord, Christ. When I think of you, I see Him. You showed me Christ in a way no other ever taught me. When I see you walk into a room, my heart jumps knowing you are here. No other could ever compare to you. I am confident within myself, knowing that you are mine. Your strength gives me strength. Your name gives me a good reputation. Your God has given me a new life. I love the man you are. I love the confidence you carry. I love that our boys watch you to see who they are to become. You are my Hosea, my redeemer, my lover, my rock, my.... I love you.
Thank you for helping me become the woman I am today. Thank you for letting me be open about my past life. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to make good what Satan intended for evil. I love working with you in helping others see that; if we can make it, they can make it too."
This is my love letter to my husband. Without the love of God radiating out from him, we would have never made it. My heart had been torn in so many pieces, who could have found all of them! Christ showed up, knowing where they all were. It is not really Jason that I have fallen in love with, but Christ through him. There is really only one way to write a love story and that is with the true author of love. Without Him, there is always something missing. Without Him, our true selfish selves show up. With Him, passion takes over and love never dies. For the greatest of these things is love....
Friday, February 12, 2010
Damaged Heart
"Do, do you got a first aid kit handy?
Do, do you know how to patch up a wound? Tell me
Are, are, are you, are you patient, understanding?
Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and I
I tried every remedy and nothing seems to work for me
Baby, baby this situations driving me crazy
And I really wanna be your lady
But the one before you left me so
Damaged, damaged, damaged, damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is damaged, damaged, so damaged, so damaged
And you can blame the one before
So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?"
(Baby, I gotta know)
These are the words to Danity Kane "Damaged".
Yesterday I spoke with a group of high school girls about sex and the damage it does to your heart. Last night I remembered this song that my college girl had showed me. Sometimes people think that being a Christ follower, then you have all these rules and restrictions on life. What they do not understand is that a loving Father will always try to protect His child from feelings of Damage. Here is the Fatherly advise, "Don't have sex before marriage." It is not impossible it is good protection of your heart.
When that first big tearing of your heart begins, the tendency is not change, but looking for someone else who will mend that broken heart. I know. I tried. Proverbs 26:11, "As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." Every time I thought, "This time it will be different. This time, with this guy, my heart will be healed and I will not hurt any more." Damaged. As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool keeps thinking this time it will be different. All this time will give you, is bad breath and a more broken heart.
Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life,(for it affects everything you do)" Guard your heart. Every time you have sex outside of marriage, you are damaging your heart. Many of us, by the time we do get married, our hearts are so damaged, sex in marriage is no longer connected to love. But, it is not intended to be that way, it was designed for love, for intimacy. With lots of work and help from God that damage can be repaired, but how much better to go into marriage without added damage. Guard your heart. Stop returning to the same thing that damaged it to begin with.
Patience sweet girls. That boy, he cannot heal that broken heart. Only Christ can. I have tried it every other way. Nothing else worked. His rules, His laws are there to protect your heart. His love is the only bandage that will heal that broken heart. The damage that you have already done to yourself, does not have to destroy you. My heart was once more broken than you can imagine. He has healed my broken heart. I now feel pure. I feel washed white as snow. I feel loved, wanted, needed. You can too. If you have not damaged your heart in that way, guard your heart. Those few minutes are not worth the pain.
Oswald Chambers, "We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we don’t want God Himself to speak to us. Why are we so terrified for God to speak to us? It is because we know that when God speaks we must either do what He asks or tell Him we will not obey. But if it is simply one of God’s servants speaking to us, we feel obedience is optional, not imperative. We respond by saying, 'Well, that’s only your own idea, even though I don’t deny that what you said is probably God’s truth.' Am I constantly humiliating God by ignoring Him, while He lovingly continues to treat me as His child? Once I finally do hear Him, the humiliation I have heaped on Him returns to me. My response then becomes, 'Lord, why was I so insensitive and obstinate?' This is always the result once we hear God. But our real delight in finally hearing Him is tempered with the shame we feel for having taken so long to do so."
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/12/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Do, do you know how to patch up a wound? Tell me
Are, are, are you, are you patient, understanding?
Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and I
I tried every remedy and nothing seems to work for me
Baby, baby this situations driving me crazy
And I really wanna be your lady
But the one before you left me so
Damaged, damaged, damaged, damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is damaged, damaged, so damaged, so damaged
And you can blame the one before
So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?"
(Baby, I gotta know)
These are the words to Danity Kane "Damaged".
Yesterday I spoke with a group of high school girls about sex and the damage it does to your heart. Last night I remembered this song that my college girl had showed me. Sometimes people think that being a Christ follower, then you have all these rules and restrictions on life. What they do not understand is that a loving Father will always try to protect His child from feelings of Damage. Here is the Fatherly advise, "Don't have sex before marriage." It is not impossible it is good protection of your heart.
When that first big tearing of your heart begins, the tendency is not change, but looking for someone else who will mend that broken heart. I know. I tried. Proverbs 26:11, "As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." Every time I thought, "This time it will be different. This time, with this guy, my heart will be healed and I will not hurt any more." Damaged. As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool keeps thinking this time it will be different. All this time will give you, is bad breath and a more broken heart.
Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life,(for it affects everything you do)" Guard your heart. Every time you have sex outside of marriage, you are damaging your heart. Many of us, by the time we do get married, our hearts are so damaged, sex in marriage is no longer connected to love. But, it is not intended to be that way, it was designed for love, for intimacy. With lots of work and help from God that damage can be repaired, but how much better to go into marriage without added damage. Guard your heart. Stop returning to the same thing that damaged it to begin with.
Patience sweet girls. That boy, he cannot heal that broken heart. Only Christ can. I have tried it every other way. Nothing else worked. His rules, His laws are there to protect your heart. His love is the only bandage that will heal that broken heart. The damage that you have already done to yourself, does not have to destroy you. My heart was once more broken than you can imagine. He has healed my broken heart. I now feel pure. I feel washed white as snow. I feel loved, wanted, needed. You can too. If you have not damaged your heart in that way, guard your heart. Those few minutes are not worth the pain.
Oswald Chambers, "We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we don’t want God Himself to speak to us. Why are we so terrified for God to speak to us? It is because we know that when God speaks we must either do what He asks or tell Him we will not obey. But if it is simply one of God’s servants speaking to us, we feel obedience is optional, not imperative. We respond by saying, 'Well, that’s only your own idea, even though I don’t deny that what you said is probably God’s truth.' Am I constantly humiliating God by ignoring Him, while He lovingly continues to treat me as His child? Once I finally do hear Him, the humiliation I have heaped on Him returns to me. My response then becomes, 'Lord, why was I so insensitive and obstinate?' This is always the result once we hear God. But our real delight in finally hearing Him is tempered with the shame we feel for having taken so long to do so."
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/12/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Prayer's Power
Why have we been asked to pray? What is the point, and is there really any power with prayer?
Philippians 4:6-9, " Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. ...Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received..."
I have been sitting here this morning, thinking about my personal prayer life and what I have seen as I have observed others. I had a very large request here recently. I went in front of the church, I called on the elders to pray for my healing with my MS. I was seeing one thing, while God was working on another. My physical healing is coming. I am slowly regaining the use of my hands, I see it while things are coming together as I type. Its not perfect yet, but getting better. During this time another kind of healing has been taking place. The broken, still open wounds from my past have been addressed as I have had to rely more upon my husband. We have come together in prayer more during this time than any other. An intimacy between the two of us has been reached that has never before been breached in my life. Healing has been happening, that we were blind to until we opened ourselves up together, to God.
The power of prayer... Does God intervene? In my personal experience, I have to say, yes. Does He act, answer, heal in the way that I expect? I have to say, not usually. My healing time with my husband has been better than I could have ever imagined. How thankful I am to God, that He knows better. This time of prayer has strengthened our marriage. It has helped us to give our worries to Him. It has eased our minds and directed our thoughts to what is pure, lovely, and true. It has brought us together more physically and more intimately than one can imagine. It forced us to give up our inhibitions and to truly place ourselves in a more vulnerable position, in front of our all seeing Lord.
At times, when I watch others do their daily rituals with prayer, I want to say, "You are missing it!" It is not about praying before a meal, or before you go to sleep at night. It is about your true walk with your Savior. What is your walk saying about your heart? Honestly, I don't usually pray before I eat. I have never gone hungry, so my heart is not really thanking God for the food on the table. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful, but in everything I am constantly praying. When friends are over or our family is gathered together, then we pray. But it is not only for the food, but for the blessings of getting to share life with those we love. My prayer life starts when I wake in the morning. I gather my thoughts and focus on Jesus, for just a few short hours. Then my prayer walk that day starts, all day. They key for me, is to start my day thinking about my Lord. Then I can better walk with Him that day. My ritual starts in the morning. I get up, focus my thoughts, and start walking. I am just thankful that God saw, my most recent prayer, was better answered with Jason and me walking together in this prayer journey, with our King.
Oswald Chambers, "When we pray, asking God to sanctify us, are we prepared to measure up to what that really means?...The cost will be a deep restriction of all our earthly concerns, and an extensive cultivation of all our godly concerns. Sanctification means to be intensely focused on God’s point of view. It means to secure and to keep all the strength of our body, soul, and spirit for God’s purpose alone. Are we really prepared for God to perform in us everything for which He separated us?...Are we prepared to be caught up into the full meaning of Paul’s prayer in this verse? Are we prepared to say, 'Lord, make me, a sinner saved by grace, as holy as You can'? Jesus prayed that we might be one with Him, just as He is one with the Father (see John 17:21-23 ). The resounding evidence of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life is the unmistakable family likeness to Jesus Christ, and the freedom from everything which is not like Him. Are we prepared to set ourselves apart for the Holy Spirit’s work in us"
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/08/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Philippians 4:6-9, " Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. ...Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received..."
I have been sitting here this morning, thinking about my personal prayer life and what I have seen as I have observed others. I had a very large request here recently. I went in front of the church, I called on the elders to pray for my healing with my MS. I was seeing one thing, while God was working on another. My physical healing is coming. I am slowly regaining the use of my hands, I see it while things are coming together as I type. Its not perfect yet, but getting better. During this time another kind of healing has been taking place. The broken, still open wounds from my past have been addressed as I have had to rely more upon my husband. We have come together in prayer more during this time than any other. An intimacy between the two of us has been reached that has never before been breached in my life. Healing has been happening, that we were blind to until we opened ourselves up together, to God.
The power of prayer... Does God intervene? In my personal experience, I have to say, yes. Does He act, answer, heal in the way that I expect? I have to say, not usually. My healing time with my husband has been better than I could have ever imagined. How thankful I am to God, that He knows better. This time of prayer has strengthened our marriage. It has helped us to give our worries to Him. It has eased our minds and directed our thoughts to what is pure, lovely, and true. It has brought us together more physically and more intimately than one can imagine. It forced us to give up our inhibitions and to truly place ourselves in a more vulnerable position, in front of our all seeing Lord.
At times, when I watch others do their daily rituals with prayer, I want to say, "You are missing it!" It is not about praying before a meal, or before you go to sleep at night. It is about your true walk with your Savior. What is your walk saying about your heart? Honestly, I don't usually pray before I eat. I have never gone hungry, so my heart is not really thanking God for the food on the table. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful, but in everything I am constantly praying. When friends are over or our family is gathered together, then we pray. But it is not only for the food, but for the blessings of getting to share life with those we love. My prayer life starts when I wake in the morning. I gather my thoughts and focus on Jesus, for just a few short hours. Then my prayer walk that day starts, all day. They key for me, is to start my day thinking about my Lord. Then I can better walk with Him that day. My ritual starts in the morning. I get up, focus my thoughts, and start walking. I am just thankful that God saw, my most recent prayer, was better answered with Jason and me walking together in this prayer journey, with our King.
Oswald Chambers, "When we pray, asking God to sanctify us, are we prepared to measure up to what that really means?...The cost will be a deep restriction of all our earthly concerns, and an extensive cultivation of all our godly concerns. Sanctification means to be intensely focused on God’s point of view. It means to secure and to keep all the strength of our body, soul, and spirit for God’s purpose alone. Are we really prepared for God to perform in us everything for which He separated us?...Are we prepared to be caught up into the full meaning of Paul’s prayer in this verse? Are we prepared to say, 'Lord, make me, a sinner saved by grace, as holy as You can'? Jesus prayed that we might be one with Him, just as He is one with the Father (see John 17:21-23 ). The resounding evidence of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life is the unmistakable family likeness to Jesus Christ, and the freedom from everything which is not like Him. Are we prepared to set ourselves apart for the Holy Spirit’s work in us"
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/08/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Letter to Jason
Jason,
Every morning I wake and spend time with God, but this week has been different. This week has been all about you, our marriage, what we have conquered together, and where we are going. After such a hard 4 months with my MS, this time to sit back, soaking in your love and kindness has been so good for me. I have truly enjoyed writing down how much I love you, for this contest.
Everything about you breaths integrity, strength, love, faithfulness... Christ. I want to thank you. Thank you for keeping your life pure. I am the only woman you have ever been with. I was Gomer, you are my Hosea. When we were married, a new name is not all that I got from you. Your purity helped me to feel pure. Your integrity brought me to a new level of living. Your strength carried me. Your love changed me. Your faithfulness brought me security. Thank you for showing me what true masculinity really is. Thank you.
Thank you for helping me become the woman I am today. Thank you for letting me be open about my past life. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to make good what Satan intended for evil. I love working with you in helping others see that; if we can make it, they can make it too.
Our boys will grow to be strong men of God, just like you, thank you. Hosea means salvation. You found me, redeemed me, brought me home again to my Lord, fully reconciled. I am strong now, on my own, standing with God, thank you. You have listened to God and done your job well, thank you. You helped change my heart, give me life, save me. Each new day, I love you more... Thank you.
Every morning I wake and spend time with God, but this week has been different. This week has been all about you, our marriage, what we have conquered together, and where we are going. After such a hard 4 months with my MS, this time to sit back, soaking in your love and kindness has been so good for me. I have truly enjoyed writing down how much I love you, for this contest.
Everything about you breaths integrity, strength, love, faithfulness... Christ. I want to thank you. Thank you for keeping your life pure. I am the only woman you have ever been with. I was Gomer, you are my Hosea. When we were married, a new name is not all that I got from you. Your purity helped me to feel pure. Your integrity brought me to a new level of living. Your strength carried me. Your love changed me. Your faithfulness brought me security. Thank you for showing me what true masculinity really is. Thank you.
Thank you for helping me become the woman I am today. Thank you for letting me be open about my past life. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to make good what Satan intended for evil. I love working with you in helping others see that; if we can make it, they can make it too.
Our boys will grow to be strong men of God, just like you, thank you. Hosea means salvation. You found me, redeemed me, brought me home again to my Lord, fully reconciled. I am strong now, on my own, standing with God, thank you. You have listened to God and done your job well, thank you. You helped change my heart, give me life, save me. Each new day, I love you more... Thank you.
Friday, February 5, 2010
XXX Sting
Joel 2:12-27, "That is why the Lord says,'Turn to Me now, while there is time. Give Me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.' Return to the Lord your God, for He is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish. Who knows? Perhaps He will give you a reprieve, sending you a blessing instead of this curse. Perhaps you will be able to offer grain and wine to the Lord your God as before....' The Lord says, 'I will give you back what you lost... It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. Once again you will have all the food you want, and you will praise the Lord your God, who does these miracles for you. Never again will My people be disgraced. Then you will know that I am among my people Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and there is no other. Never again will My people be disgraced.'"
How sweet the Lord is. His desire is not for our punishment, but for our love. When we deliberately choose to go against Him, there will be trouble, sorrow, and pain. But, if we choose to return He will give us back what we once lost. I once lost something very valuable. I lost myself, the little girl me, the one that was so sweet, innocent, and pure. I never dreamed I could get her back. How could I, since now I knew so much? How could I go back in time and take away the shameful feelings of being used? That sweet little girl turned into XXX for the satisfying lust of men. Women do not have to travel the road that I did in order to feel this way. They could have lived a very pure life, then because of their husbands sins, they now feel the XXX sting. Right in their own marriages.
Ephesians 5:21ff, "For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church (his wife). For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church (wife) without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault." The power of the man is awesome, terrifying, great. The power to destroy, tear down, rape and kill; or the power to heal, make new and clean, holy, washed; Men are given more power than they could ever imagine. One man took me and raped me of life. He took what I was giving him and destroyed my very soul. I was his wife and he sold me to others. (Hosea 4:11) "Alcohol and prostitution (pornography) have robbed my people of their brains." This man destroyed what God had given him and turned something that could have been beautiful into XXX. But then in God's unfailing love He gave me Jason. Through him, I am washed clean, made pure again, whole, beautiful, and without fault. My little girl, I have her back. I can smile with that pure smile. I love with her love.
Here is the really cool part; the same man that tears down can also be the same man that redeems. "That is why the Lord says,'Turn to Me now, while there is time. Give Me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.'" Men, do you see the power you have? Look around you. What you see is reflecting your heart. Your wife, is your reflection. Your entertainment, is your reflection. The home you live in, is your reflection. What is your heart saying when you look at its reflection. If you have torn down, you can also rebuild and make new. Don't try and sweep things away with empty words. Let your actions reflect the tearing of your heart. Rebuild what you have raped and make new what you have destroyed.
Women, if you are in this place with this man, do not give up on him. Have the patience and love of our Lord. Be a reflection of God. Give him time to, "Return to the Lord your God, for He is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish..." 1 Cor 7:16, "Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you?" If you hang in there, your little girl could be restored, right where she was taken away. But the key for you is to not give into bitterness and resentment, but to stay with love for your God, with His love toward your husband.
Oswald Chambers, "Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the work of another believer (your spouse)—to pour out your life sacrificially for the ministry and faith of others? Or do you say, "I am not willing to be poured out right now, and I don’t want God to tell me how to serve Him. I want to choose the place of my own sacrifice. And I want to have certain people watching me and saying, ’Well done.’ "
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/05/devotion.aspx?year=2010
How sweet the Lord is. His desire is not for our punishment, but for our love. When we deliberately choose to go against Him, there will be trouble, sorrow, and pain. But, if we choose to return He will give us back what we once lost. I once lost something very valuable. I lost myself, the little girl me, the one that was so sweet, innocent, and pure. I never dreamed I could get her back. How could I, since now I knew so much? How could I go back in time and take away the shameful feelings of being used? That sweet little girl turned into XXX for the satisfying lust of men. Women do not have to travel the road that I did in order to feel this way. They could have lived a very pure life, then because of their husbands sins, they now feel the XXX sting. Right in their own marriages.
Ephesians 5:21ff, "For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church (his wife). For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church (wife) without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault." The power of the man is awesome, terrifying, great. The power to destroy, tear down, rape and kill; or the power to heal, make new and clean, holy, washed; Men are given more power than they could ever imagine. One man took me and raped me of life. He took what I was giving him and destroyed my very soul. I was his wife and he sold me to others. (Hosea 4:11) "Alcohol and prostitution (pornography) have robbed my people of their brains." This man destroyed what God had given him and turned something that could have been beautiful into XXX. But then in God's unfailing love He gave me Jason. Through him, I am washed clean, made pure again, whole, beautiful, and without fault. My little girl, I have her back. I can smile with that pure smile. I love with her love.
Here is the really cool part; the same man that tears down can also be the same man that redeems. "That is why the Lord says,'Turn to Me now, while there is time. Give Me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.'" Men, do you see the power you have? Look around you. What you see is reflecting your heart. Your wife, is your reflection. Your entertainment, is your reflection. The home you live in, is your reflection. What is your heart saying when you look at its reflection. If you have torn down, you can also rebuild and make new. Don't try and sweep things away with empty words. Let your actions reflect the tearing of your heart. Rebuild what you have raped and make new what you have destroyed.
Women, if you are in this place with this man, do not give up on him. Have the patience and love of our Lord. Be a reflection of God. Give him time to, "Return to the Lord your God, for He is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish..." 1 Cor 7:16, "Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you?" If you hang in there, your little girl could be restored, right where she was taken away. But the key for you is to not give into bitterness and resentment, but to stay with love for your God, with His love toward your husband.
Oswald Chambers, "Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the work of another believer (your spouse)—to pour out your life sacrificially for the ministry and faith of others? Or do you say, "I am not willing to be poured out right now, and I don’t want God to tell me how to serve Him. I want to choose the place of my own sacrifice. And I want to have certain people watching me and saying, ’Well done.’ "
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/05/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Mirror Image
I feel like I have been on a soul searching week. It didn't go as I had planned. I was going to spend my days alone in my bible. Instead I spent them alone with my thoughts about my husband. So I thought I would share....
My sweet love,
Do you know that I love looking at your reflection in the mirror. For the image that I see, is not the man that stands beside me, but my Lord, Christ. When I think of you, I see Him. When I feel you hold me, I feel Him. You know the hurt, the devastation of my life, you know what I have been through... You know what makes me tick, what makes me cry, what makes me anxious, what makes me fearful. You get me. The beauty of it is, your reflection is the only one who can do anything about it, and through you I have seen Him. Through you, He holds me. Through you, I feel Him. Through you, He has been made known to me. You have searched me and you know me. I am safe with you.
Since you have found me, look at how my life has changed. Since you have loved me, look how my heart has changed. You showed me Christ in a way no other ever taught me. When I see you walk into a room, my heart jumps knowing you are here. No other could ever compare to you. I am confident within myself, knowing that you are mine. Your strength gives me strength. Your name gives me a good reputation. Your God has given me a new life. I love the man you are. I love the confidence you carry. I love that our boys watch you to see who they are to become. You are my Hosea, my redeemer, my lover, my rock, my.... I love you. Thank you for showing me truth. Thank you for looking so good in a mirror.
Our life together is better than any movie, for we know the ending... I love you
My sweet love,
Do you know that I love looking at your reflection in the mirror. For the image that I see, is not the man that stands beside me, but my Lord, Christ. When I think of you, I see Him. When I feel you hold me, I feel Him. You know the hurt, the devastation of my life, you know what I have been through... You know what makes me tick, what makes me cry, what makes me anxious, what makes me fearful. You get me. The beauty of it is, your reflection is the only one who can do anything about it, and through you I have seen Him. Through you, He holds me. Through you, I feel Him. Through you, He has been made known to me. You have searched me and you know me. I am safe with you.
Since you have found me, look at how my life has changed. Since you have loved me, look how my heart has changed. You showed me Christ in a way no other ever taught me. When I see you walk into a room, my heart jumps knowing you are here. No other could ever compare to you. I am confident within myself, knowing that you are mine. Your strength gives me strength. Your name gives me a good reputation. Your God has given me a new life. I love the man you are. I love the confidence you carry. I love that our boys watch you to see who they are to become. You are my Hosea, my redeemer, my lover, my rock, my.... I love you. Thank you for showing me truth. Thank you for looking so good in a mirror.
Our life together is better than any movie, for we know the ending... I love you
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I Smile
Jason just left for his meetings today. So, here I sit in my hotel room, all by myself, with a smile upon my face. As I was checking my email this morning Focus on the Family is having a contest. Your supposed to write a love letter to your spouse and tell them why you want to grow old with them. I wrote my letter and sent it in. That is why I am sitting here with a smile upon my face. I am so in love with that man. It would be really cool to win the grand prize, stay at the Broadmoor, go to the Focus on Marriage event, eat with the speakers, and get all the books and marriage materials for free, but that is not what makes me smile. My smile is from that man. My heart just sings when I think about him. When I think back on how we got together and how our marriage started, I smile. When I think about our today and where this journey has brought us, I smile. When I think about the awesome journey, good or bad to come, I smile. I smile because that man has done his job well. I smile because he has taken my broken heart and turned me into a joyous woman. I smile because he knows the meaning of masculinity. I smile because he showed me how much Christ really loved me. I smile...
Hosea 2, "'When that day comes,' says the Lord,'you will call Me ‘my Husband’ instead of ‘my Master.’...I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you Mine, and you will finally know Me as the Lord... I will show love to those I called ‘Not loved.’ And to those I called ‘Not my people,’ I will say, ‘Now you are my people.’ And they will reply, ‘You are our God!’” Through my husband, I have found the love of my LORD. The more in love with Christ I become, the more in love with my husband I am.
So Jason, I want to once again, Thank You. Thank you, for loving me when I was unlovable. Thank you, for taking me and helping me to feel pure and clean. Thank you, for taking away my shame. Thank you, for speaking tenderly to me while I was still in my dessert. Thank you, for showing me the love of Christ. Thank you.....
Hosea 2, "'When that day comes,' says the Lord,'you will call Me ‘my Husband’ instead of ‘my Master.’...I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you Mine, and you will finally know Me as the Lord... I will show love to those I called ‘Not loved.’ And to those I called ‘Not my people,’ I will say, ‘Now you are my people.’ And they will reply, ‘You are our God!’” Through my husband, I have found the love of my LORD. The more in love with Christ I become, the more in love with my husband I am.
So Jason, I want to once again, Thank You. Thank you, for loving me when I was unlovable. Thank you, for taking me and helping me to feel pure and clean. Thank you, for taking away my shame. Thank you, for speaking tenderly to me while I was still in my dessert. Thank you, for showing me the love of Christ. Thank you.....
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