I love taking long drives with my husband. Trust me, yesterday was long, from Colorado to Texas. Usually the drive consists of a little sleeping; listening to music; chit chat; dealing with the boys and their TVs; and towards the end of the trip, the deep conversation begins. What can I say, it was a wonderful day, long, but wonderful. It is the only time where I have my husband's undivided attention and he has mine. Usually there is something else going on, but not in the car, and especially once we get on the flat plains of Texas.
I have been trying my best to come up with things to write about concerning marriage. I have a very easy time discussing my failures, and giving God the glory for my life now with Him. But I have difficult talking about what I have done in order to help this marriage be so wonderful. The last thing that I want to do is to come across like I think I know it all, because I know I don't. So I started asking Jason some questions, then the answers start coming. I love talking with my husband, he is so wise and I enjoy our conversations. Starting at the beginning of our success; my part was not so clear to me. I was a mess, but I knew that I must have done some things right. This is what Jason helped me to see.
We both started to "get it" about the same time. Our biggest struggle so far, was communication. I was so scared that I was going to be hurt again, and trust me, I gave him very little to be confident with as well. We were both very vulnerable and trying to hold on to our "security blankets." I never knew this until yesterday; Jason would read Ephesians 5, every week. I remember him mentioning that scripture, but I just thought he was "trying" to sound spiritual.
"you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church; He gave His life for to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.
And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife... So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
This is what we began doing; I was trying to respect my husband and he was trying to show me love. We were turning to God, and giving our spouse what they needed. I was concentrating on Jason and what he needed from me, without thinking how it was going to benefit me. He was concentrating on what God was telling him that I needed. I needed unconditional love; he needed respect. I began letting him make the decisions. I would talk with him and share my concerns, but then I would drop it and let him decide; even when it was the wrong decision. I began following him and supporting him. I did not bring up his mistakes; I gave him the freedom to decide, wright or wrong. He started loving me. He started putting away what he wanted to do and started helping me around the house and with the boys. He started talking with me and becoming intimate with me on a spiritual level.
Once we stopped thinking about ourselves and what the other person was not doing for us, we started a close relationship. Our focus was God and what He wanted from us as individuals. What was He asking Jason to do as a husband? What was He asking from me as a wife? This became our drive. God has blessed every part of our relationship, because He became the center. Once you take your mind off of yourself, God can help you see things through His eyes. "Husbands, love your wife." What does she need you to do for her? "Wife, respect your husband." Let him lead you; let him make mistakes; become his cheerleader, there is a reason for cheerleaders at men's sporting events. Become partners with God, so He can bless your marriage. You become partners with God, whether your spouse is taking the first step or if it has to be you for quite some time. Partner with God in your marriage, so that He can be honored.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Proverbs 31
I have had the opportunity, misfortune, of being in two marriages. In being in two marriages, I can see things differently and I can come from a different point of view than many others, because I have taken my past mistakes and learned from them. I would like to address the two marriages that I have been a part of, and try to help others see their role in marriage.
I truly believe that my first marriage could have been a marriage in which God was given honor. My ex-husband was very capable and had many talents. He wanted to know who Jesus was, but he had many obstacles that he needed to over come. I took the wrong approach with him, as his wife. I let him do most anything that he desired, without any regard for him or for me, much less God. I always supported him. I never stood up to him, in a godly way. With simple, little things, I agreed with him. For instance: when he was getting over weight; I never told him. When he needed a hair cut and shave; I never helped him. I never held him to a higher standard. If you do not tell someone the truth, when it is obvious, they don't just doubt you, but they doubt themselves. Instead of becoming the woman that God had intended me to become, I became this mousy, pathetic, mat. In return, he became what I created him to become. My expectations of him, were met.
I met my ex-husband in college. When we were first married, life was in front of him. He was walking with a confidence that couldn't be shattered. He had many things about him that needed more integrity, but he at least had confidence. I could very easily see the things that he needed help with, but I took a weak, subservient role with him. By the end of our marriage; he was a broken, shattered man. Of coarse, this was not all my fault, but I did my part in the destruction. In order to change, and not repeat mistakes, one must look truthfully at thyself. I was wrong in my first marriage. I was not seeking Christ and what He wanted for my life.
Proverbs 31, "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life... Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders. ...Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise."
In my marriage with Jason, everything about me, had to be different. I was determined, not to repeat my mistakes. While I did have many hurts and wounds to overcome, my eyes were looking to Christ and what He wanted in our life. I had learned a lot about men from my past. I had learned that they needed a challenge and that they needed to be able to conquer a task. Jason had many good qualities about him. He also had many weaknesses. I had to take on the role of the woman described in Proverbs 31, to the best of my ability. I had to be different, in order to help my husband and not hinder him.
My approach in marriage has greatly changed. I hold my husband to a very high standard, and he has far exceeded everything that I have expected. I try and help him overcome his obstacles, instead of burying them. I know that I am not the perfect wife and my husband is not the perfect husband. We work together in this marriage. Ephesians 5: 21, "And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Christ is the center, that we try to revolve around. As long as we are keeping Him at the center, we are working good for Him. When I take my eyes off of Christ, I become selfish and our marriage suffers. When Jason takes his eyes off of Christ, he becomes selfish and our marriage suffers. I have learned that I must take control of my life, and in order to do that, I must keep Jesus Christ as my center. It is not my husbands successes or failures that rule me; It is my LORD.
I have been a wife of little value to my husband. I have helped to destroy a marriage. I have been a wife of value to my husband. I have helped to build a wonderful partnership with my husband. Every marriage has the potential to be godly. You cannot look at only your spouse and their part in the relationship. You cannot change anyone; that is God's role. What you can do, is to look at your role, and are you living the part He has created for you. Both of my marriages had the potential for good; both had the potential for failure. I was the one that had to change. I really did not need different husbands, what I needed was Christ. I had to change.
I truly believe that my first marriage could have been a marriage in which God was given honor. My ex-husband was very capable and had many talents. He wanted to know who Jesus was, but he had many obstacles that he needed to over come. I took the wrong approach with him, as his wife. I let him do most anything that he desired, without any regard for him or for me, much less God. I always supported him. I never stood up to him, in a godly way. With simple, little things, I agreed with him. For instance: when he was getting over weight; I never told him. When he needed a hair cut and shave; I never helped him. I never held him to a higher standard. If you do not tell someone the truth, when it is obvious, they don't just doubt you, but they doubt themselves. Instead of becoming the woman that God had intended me to become, I became this mousy, pathetic, mat. In return, he became what I created him to become. My expectations of him, were met.
I met my ex-husband in college. When we were first married, life was in front of him. He was walking with a confidence that couldn't be shattered. He had many things about him that needed more integrity, but he at least had confidence. I could very easily see the things that he needed help with, but I took a weak, subservient role with him. By the end of our marriage; he was a broken, shattered man. Of coarse, this was not all my fault, but I did my part in the destruction. In order to change, and not repeat mistakes, one must look truthfully at thyself. I was wrong in my first marriage. I was not seeking Christ and what He wanted for my life.
Proverbs 31, "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life... Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders. ...Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise."
In my marriage with Jason, everything about me, had to be different. I was determined, not to repeat my mistakes. While I did have many hurts and wounds to overcome, my eyes were looking to Christ and what He wanted in our life. I had learned a lot about men from my past. I had learned that they needed a challenge and that they needed to be able to conquer a task. Jason had many good qualities about him. He also had many weaknesses. I had to take on the role of the woman described in Proverbs 31, to the best of my ability. I had to be different, in order to help my husband and not hinder him.
My approach in marriage has greatly changed. I hold my husband to a very high standard, and he has far exceeded everything that I have expected. I try and help him overcome his obstacles, instead of burying them. I know that I am not the perfect wife and my husband is not the perfect husband. We work together in this marriage. Ephesians 5: 21, "And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Christ is the center, that we try to revolve around. As long as we are keeping Him at the center, we are working good for Him. When I take my eyes off of Christ, I become selfish and our marriage suffers. When Jason takes his eyes off of Christ, he becomes selfish and our marriage suffers. I have learned that I must take control of my life, and in order to do that, I must keep Jesus Christ as my center. It is not my husbands successes or failures that rule me; It is my LORD.
I have been a wife of little value to my husband. I have helped to destroy a marriage. I have been a wife of value to my husband. I have helped to build a wonderful partnership with my husband. Every marriage has the potential to be godly. You cannot look at only your spouse and their part in the relationship. You cannot change anyone; that is God's role. What you can do, is to look at your role, and are you living the part He has created for you. Both of my marriages had the potential for good; both had the potential for failure. I was the one that had to change. I really did not need different husbands, what I needed was Christ. I had to change.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Thank you
Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, for coming to this earth.
Thank you, for taking on life, so that we all can live.
Thank you, for living an example that we can all follow.
Thank you, for paying my debt.
Thank you, for releasing me of my slavery.
Thank you, for dying in the darkness, so I can live in the light.
Thank you, for conquering death for me.
Thank you, for sending us Your Holy Spirit, so we are never alone.
Thank you...
Thank you, for coming to this earth.
Thank you, for taking on life, so that we all can live.
Thank you, for living an example that we can all follow.
Thank you, for paying my debt.
Thank you, for releasing me of my slavery.
Thank you, for dying in the darkness, so I can live in the light.
Thank you, for conquering death for me.
Thank you, for sending us Your Holy Spirit, so we are never alone.
Thank you...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Life in the Cross
I cannot give anyone an answer as to when I accepted Christ as my savior. I cannot tell you, if it was okay for me to live as I was living, or if I was truly turning my back on Christ and sentencing myself to death. I have always believed in Him. I have always wanted my life to be for Him. I did not understand how to live for Him. What I do know, is that I was miserable. I was selfish and I was alone. I chose to be alone, because I know He was always there waiting for me. I was not finding life in the way I was living. I thought that my relationship with my husband was all that mattered. I thought I could win him, by doing whatever he wanted me to do. I thought that what we did together in the bed room did not matter, as long as we both agreed. I thought he was my lord, he was not...
1 Thessalonians 2: 4, "Our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of our hearts." 1 Timothy 1:12, "How thankful I am to Christ Jesus our Lord for considering me trustworthy and appointed me to serve Him, even though I used to scoff at the name of Christ." I am not the judge for anyone on when they have truly turned their life over to Christ, for I cannot even figure out when the moment was that I did. I do know that I was dead in my sin, but now I live. How wonderful I feel, now that I truly am alive in Him.
I can tell you, when I finally decided to let the Holy Spirit control my life. It was Sunday, I was going to my mothers, I had an appointment with my acupuncturist on Monday. (God blessed me with Chinese medicine, in order to help my body live with MS). On the journey from Corpus Christi to Austin, I prayed fervently for God to intervene. I knew I had done everything wrong. I desperately needed Him to take over my life and lead me where He needed me. I arrived in Austin. My dad was visiting my mother, she was in school for me, he started in on me about how I needed to leave my husband. I told God that I did not want to tell my family about all that I had done. I needed more. I got it! My mother had me watch a movie called, The Hunt for the Unicorn Killer. It was my life, only I was not dead yet. She asked me point blank questions; one of them was, "was I stripping?" I couldn't keep turning God away. I surrendered and now, 7 years later, here I am. And how thankful I am.
Galatians 5:22ff, "But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control... Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy spirit's leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or irritate one another, or be jealous of one another."
I truly have done nothing that I can brag about. The only thing I can take credit for, is finally waking up and listening to Him. My life is easy now, I live for Him. He has done everything for me. I can take credit for nothing. Oswald Chambers, "The great privilege of discipleship is that I can commit myself under the banner of His Cross, and that means death to sin. You must get alone with Jesus and either decide to tell Him that you do not want sin to die out in you, or that at any cost you want to be identified with His death." I am finally alive in Him.
1 Thessalonians 2: 4, "Our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of our hearts." 1 Timothy 1:12, "How thankful I am to Christ Jesus our Lord for considering me trustworthy and appointed me to serve Him, even though I used to scoff at the name of Christ." I am not the judge for anyone on when they have truly turned their life over to Christ, for I cannot even figure out when the moment was that I did. I do know that I was dead in my sin, but now I live. How wonderful I feel, now that I truly am alive in Him.
I can tell you, when I finally decided to let the Holy Spirit control my life. It was Sunday, I was going to my mothers, I had an appointment with my acupuncturist on Monday. (God blessed me with Chinese medicine, in order to help my body live with MS). On the journey from Corpus Christi to Austin, I prayed fervently for God to intervene. I knew I had done everything wrong. I desperately needed Him to take over my life and lead me where He needed me. I arrived in Austin. My dad was visiting my mother, she was in school for me, he started in on me about how I needed to leave my husband. I told God that I did not want to tell my family about all that I had done. I needed more. I got it! My mother had me watch a movie called, The Hunt for the Unicorn Killer. It was my life, only I was not dead yet. She asked me point blank questions; one of them was, "was I stripping?" I couldn't keep turning God away. I surrendered and now, 7 years later, here I am. And how thankful I am.
Galatians 5:22ff, "But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control... Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy spirit's leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or irritate one another, or be jealous of one another."
I truly have done nothing that I can brag about. The only thing I can take credit for, is finally waking up and listening to Him. My life is easy now, I live for Him. He has done everything for me. I can take credit for nothing. Oswald Chambers, "The great privilege of discipleship is that I can commit myself under the banner of His Cross, and that means death to sin. You must get alone with Jesus and either decide to tell Him that you do not want sin to die out in you, or that at any cost you want to be identified with His death." I am finally alive in Him.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Salvation
I have been trying very hard, to stay focused on marriage, during these months. But I feel I must talk about something else, right now. I was raised with believing parents. They believed in God, went to church, prayed every night, but did not have a good relationship with each other. I was raised in a church that believed you had to be baptised before you could be saved. We were taught salvation through baptism, instead of a changed heart and life. So at 12 years, I got baptised. Mainly, because my grandmother was there and I wanted her to see. I did not have a change of heart, I truly had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that if I did not get baptised, then I could not be saved. I had no idea about how to truly let God rule your life. I had no idea about the true salvation that Christ offers.
I tried to live a "good" young life, but I always had problems with sex. Not even that I was out having sex with everyone, but that I had sex with my boyfriends. I graduated from a private Christian high school. Afterwards, I went into a mission program, my boyfriend was in Ecuador and I was going to join him there. I wasn't in the program for the right reason, but I thought I could be. Some things happened, and I dropped out of the program, after just one year. (Well a counselor, who had been in the program for over 20 years, tried to take advantage of me.) I then went to ACU. My parents sent me there to find a "good Christian mate." I found my ex-husband. I was hurt, and just wanted to party and "live it up." I did not understand all that life was throwing at me. I didn't understand that Christ was there trying to lead me.
James 2:14ff, "What is the use in saying you have faith if you don't prove it by your actions? That kind of faith can't save anyone... Do you still think it is enough to believe there is one God? Well, even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror! Fool! When will you ever learn that faith that does not result in good deeds is useless?" I never understood what this meant, I am still having issues with it. I couln't just walk through life, as I wanted. Even the demons believe in one God. I needed to change my heart. I had no idea about true salvation. Getting wet will not save you. I don't know, does saying you believe in Jesus save you? Is this all that He expects form you. These are good, but I think He expects more. He expects your heart!
I do not talk about this often, because it sounds like works, and I am still trying to sort through it. But He does expect things of us, once we believe. I have such a hard time with all of this. There is so much about God that I do not understand. I do feel like I am a new Christian. I have been raised hearing about Christ, but this is the first time that I have let Him rule my life. I feel like I have been drinking milk, my entire life, and I am just now mature enough to handle real food. Was it enough, though? Was the milk enough to get me into heaven, but not enough to live victoriously? This is something that I have no idea about. He does expect us to change our life. He does hold us to a higher standard, for He is in us in order to help us. He is the one that saves. All salvation is, is the cross. We do not have to do anything to earn our salvation. I know this, but then I don't know this. All that I do know is that I was lost and now I am found. I was living in death, and now I have life. I have made the choice to live in the victory that He died to give me. How thankful, I am for His Grace. How thankful, I am for His Patience. How thankful, I am for His Mercy. How thankful, I am for His Sacrifice.
I tried to live a "good" young life, but I always had problems with sex. Not even that I was out having sex with everyone, but that I had sex with my boyfriends. I graduated from a private Christian high school. Afterwards, I went into a mission program, my boyfriend was in Ecuador and I was going to join him there. I wasn't in the program for the right reason, but I thought I could be. Some things happened, and I dropped out of the program, after just one year. (Well a counselor, who had been in the program for over 20 years, tried to take advantage of me.) I then went to ACU. My parents sent me there to find a "good Christian mate." I found my ex-husband. I was hurt, and just wanted to party and "live it up." I did not understand all that life was throwing at me. I didn't understand that Christ was there trying to lead me.
James 2:14ff, "What is the use in saying you have faith if you don't prove it by your actions? That kind of faith can't save anyone... Do you still think it is enough to believe there is one God? Well, even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror! Fool! When will you ever learn that faith that does not result in good deeds is useless?" I never understood what this meant, I am still having issues with it. I couln't just walk through life, as I wanted. Even the demons believe in one God. I needed to change my heart. I had no idea about true salvation. Getting wet will not save you. I don't know, does saying you believe in Jesus save you? Is this all that He expects form you. These are good, but I think He expects more. He expects your heart!
I do not talk about this often, because it sounds like works, and I am still trying to sort through it. But He does expect things of us, once we believe. I have such a hard time with all of this. There is so much about God that I do not understand. I do feel like I am a new Christian. I have been raised hearing about Christ, but this is the first time that I have let Him rule my life. I feel like I have been drinking milk, my entire life, and I am just now mature enough to handle real food. Was it enough, though? Was the milk enough to get me into heaven, but not enough to live victoriously? This is something that I have no idea about. He does expect us to change our life. He does hold us to a higher standard, for He is in us in order to help us. He is the one that saves. All salvation is, is the cross. We do not have to do anything to earn our salvation. I know this, but then I don't know this. All that I do know is that I was lost and now I am found. I was living in death, and now I have life. I have made the choice to live in the victory that He died to give me. How thankful, I am for His Grace. How thankful, I am for His Patience. How thankful, I am for His Mercy. How thankful, I am for His Sacrifice.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Great Sex
I was talking with my husband last night, about when things started to get better between us. For the first 2 years of our marriage, we were under fire. He had completely withdrawn, and I was going around upset all of the time. Sex between us was almost to a stand still, I had to rely on his memory for this one. I thought we were having sex about once every week, because I had set aside Tuesdays, for sex day. I was getting to the point that every time he touched me, I would stiffen. I was so afraid that he just wanting sex from me. My past was haunting me, so I did not want anything to do with sex. I thought it was once a week, but he remembers differently. He said it was more like once a month. He informed me that Tuesday was the day, but that I was rarely "available" that day. We were not close; we were not communicating; we were two people living under the same roof, not talking or sharing. Then he expected to have sex with me, I don't think so. I was not withholding sex on purpose, I just needed to feel a connection. I told him that if he wanted to have sex with me, he needed to communicate with me. I needed to feel he was sharing with me, and not just using me. He said, this helped him to get in touch with his feelings, real fast.
Honestly, I do not know many men who could have helped me, like my husband did. I was going through so much, and he faced the fear and stepped right into my chaos. So many men want to be mighty warriors, but they are afraid to step into the battle for their wives. Why is this? He stepped in and battled for me. This is how I saw, how truly strong my husband was. Ephesians 5, "And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault."
Jason, got off of the couch and engaged with me. He had been coming home; sitting in front of the TV, watching Hockey, all night! I would go to bed, because I was tired. Then he would come in much later and expect me to "wake up" for him. I couldn't. I couldn't turn on when there had been no communication between the two of us. So, he stepped into the battle with me, and turned off the TV. He started helping me again. We weren't just doing the dishes and cooking by ourselves, but we were in the kitchen together. This time with him started to interest me and I was not feeling used any more. During this time I started to flirt and tease with him, this was my foreplay time. We were connecting, and I was turning on.
Now, Jason will tell you that he is the one in control of how much sex we have. He knows that in order to turn me on, all he has to do is talk to me. When we talk about other people and their sexual relationships with their spouse, he will say, that if the husband will just wake up and engage with his wife, he could have a great sex life with her. But here is the problem that I see, we tend to want things without working for them. A good marriage takes work. You have to see what the other person is needing, then provide that for them. Jason is my husband. He is my leader. I respect him to the fullest. In being a leader, he took the role of the servant. In being my husband, he looked at what I was needing. I felt so dirty; he washed me with his love. I was feeling so used; he covered me with his love. He saw what I needed. "He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean... He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church (wife) without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault." He showed me that he loved me. Words can mean nothing, if there is no action behind them. He shows me that he loves me.
"So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." We now have a great sex life. We have a wonderful time, together. Jason is my leader, he has stepped out and taken his place. Not by force, but by love and being a servant; a true leader.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Secret Bondage
Ephesians 2, "Once you were dead, doomed forever because of your many sins. You used to live just like the rest of the world, full of sin, obeying Satan, the mighty prince of the power of the air. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passions and desires of our evil nature... But God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so very much, that even while we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when He raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God's special favor that you have been saved!) ...God saved you by His special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."
The salvation that Christ bought for us, is so wonderful. We have done nothing that has earned our forgiveness. It does not matter if you have lived your life, doing everything right. It does not matter if you thought at one time, you had sold your soul to Satan. Christ came and paid for you. I have done nothing to earn my freedom. Christ paid my debt, so that I could be free! It is up to me to live in that freedom; it is a choice I have to make every day.
So many times we choose to be in bondage. We can be Christians, living a very good life in Christ and still be in bondage. This bondage is secrets. Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, this morning reads, "Never be sympathetic with a person whose situation causes you to conclude that God is dealing harshly with him. God can be more tender than we can conceive, and every once in a while He give us the opportunity to deal firmly with someone so that He may be viewed as the tender one. If a person cannot go to God, it is because he has some secret which he does not intend to give up..." These past few days I have been dealing with secrets in so many people's lives. It is crazy! The different lies that Satan can tell us in order to stay in bondage is amazing.
My true freedom came, when I finally let go of my secrets. I truly have no secrets. In this I have found a freedom that I cannot explain. Secrets, no matter how small, are the dark shadow hanging over every conversation, and getting between every relationship. I do not think that you have to go around telling everyone you meet your entire story. But if you feel you are holding on to a secret and God is asking you to let it go, you better. "Otherwise there will be no healing."
My marriage was suffering because of my secrets. I had no secrets from my husband, but God was asking me to let go of my secrets and to give Him His glory. In holding firm to my secrets, I was not living as Christ intended me to live. He was not getting credit for everything in my life. I was holding parts of my life for me and not sharing His full glory. And because I was not doing everything that the Holy Spirit was telling me to do, I was not living free. Many times we admit what we have done, but we have not given it up. Give up your secrets, so that you can live. Do not choose the easy way out. For what we see as the easy way, is usually not God's way. He deals with things, head on. He never hides. There is always a fear in revealing secrets; that is why we have them. Christ has paid the price for our freedom. Why would we choose to be in bondage?
The salvation that Christ bought for us, is so wonderful. We have done nothing that has earned our forgiveness. It does not matter if you have lived your life, doing everything right. It does not matter if you thought at one time, you had sold your soul to Satan. Christ came and paid for you. I have done nothing to earn my freedom. Christ paid my debt, so that I could be free! It is up to me to live in that freedom; it is a choice I have to make every day.
So many times we choose to be in bondage. We can be Christians, living a very good life in Christ and still be in bondage. This bondage is secrets. Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, this morning reads, "Never be sympathetic with a person whose situation causes you to conclude that God is dealing harshly with him. God can be more tender than we can conceive, and every once in a while He give us the opportunity to deal firmly with someone so that He may be viewed as the tender one. If a person cannot go to God, it is because he has some secret which he does not intend to give up..." These past few days I have been dealing with secrets in so many people's lives. It is crazy! The different lies that Satan can tell us in order to stay in bondage is amazing.
My true freedom came, when I finally let go of my secrets. I truly have no secrets. In this I have found a freedom that I cannot explain. Secrets, no matter how small, are the dark shadow hanging over every conversation, and getting between every relationship. I do not think that you have to go around telling everyone you meet your entire story. But if you feel you are holding on to a secret and God is asking you to let it go, you better. "Otherwise there will be no healing."
My marriage was suffering because of my secrets. I had no secrets from my husband, but God was asking me to let go of my secrets and to give Him His glory. In holding firm to my secrets, I was not living as Christ intended me to live. He was not getting credit for everything in my life. I was holding parts of my life for me and not sharing His full glory. And because I was not doing everything that the Holy Spirit was telling me to do, I was not living free. Many times we admit what we have done, but we have not given it up. Give up your secrets, so that you can live. Do not choose the easy way out. For what we see as the easy way, is usually not God's way. He deals with things, head on. He never hides. There is always a fear in revealing secrets; that is why we have them. Christ has paid the price for our freedom. Why would we choose to be in bondage?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Each New Day
I do not know how to talk to others without sounding "preachy." Honestly, how do you tell someone about your changed life, without talking about Christ. I cannot, I did not change my life, Christ did. In the beginning of my "new life," things were very difficult for me. I was trying so hard to rely on God, but I was fighting so many other worldly battles. I married Jason, because when I left my ex, I had told God that I would walk through any door that I thought He was opening for me. My first thought of Jason, was my grandmother's misinterpretation that he had been into marijuana. When I discovered that she was wrong, I was relieved, because I was trying so hard to begin a new walk. But, how do you live sober when you have been high for so long? By the grace of God.
Jason and I were married, one year after we first met. I had been smoking pot until one month before we married. I wanted a different life, but I still did not understand how to lean on God. So on our honey moon, I was blessed by a pregnancy. This did not make things easy for either of us, but I was sober and this time allowed me to live that way. The first few years of our marriage were very difficult for both of us. Jason was dealing with a new wife, a baby on the way, and trying to figure out his job path. He looked like a deer caught in headlights for the first couple of years. His wife was insane, pregnant, and broken. He went from being this young guy, with no real responsibilities, to a young man with a full plate. I was demanding that he take the lead, in "my" spiritual walk with the Lord. I was over whelming him with rules and regulations, while at the same time I was acting awful. I knew what did not work, in one respect, but I had no idea about what did work.
Things were very hard for us for the first two years of our marriage. I was a hateful, male bashing woman. Everything that Jason did was under scrutiny. He was not a muscular man, when we were younger, he has filled out very nicely now, but he was a late bloomer. I judged a man by his physical stature, but over time, I learned that his integrity was his strength. One day we were driving to see his mother, she was getting treatments for cancer, and I was bashing men as usual. Jason finally had enough. He pointed to the back seat, to our 6 mo old son, and said, "What you say about men, he will turn into. You are raising a man." This did it. This was the true beginning of a wonderful life. What came out of my mouth was changed, after some time went by, my heart changed as well.
The only credit that I can take in my changed life, was that I was willing to listen; when I heard, I took a step in faith, knowing He was leading me in the right direction. I needed a personal relationship with Christ. I was desperate to live free. I began begging Him for guidance. For the first time I started reading my bible, seeking Him. I had studied the bible my entire life, but this was the first time I had read it. Then He started waking me up very early in the morning. I discussed this with a friend, because I was very tired, I now had two young boys and I was waking up very early (I needed my sleep). She told me, "Maybe God wants to spend some time with you, get up." So this was another change in my life, I began my mornings with God.
John 6:63, Jesus said, "It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life." I cannot take credit for my changed life. I was willing to listen, He changed my life. Christ came and died for all of us, so that we could all be free from our failures. He became the bridge that separated us from the Father. John 14:20-21, Jesus said, "When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you. Those who obey my commandments are the ones who love Me. And because they love Me, my Father will love them. And I will reveal Myself to each one of them." I am different, because He died for me. I am still on the journey, and I make many mistakes, but I love Him, and He loves me. Each day He shows me a little more of Himself. Each day is new with my Lord.
Jason and I were married, one year after we first met. I had been smoking pot until one month before we married. I wanted a different life, but I still did not understand how to lean on God. So on our honey moon, I was blessed by a pregnancy. This did not make things easy for either of us, but I was sober and this time allowed me to live that way. The first few years of our marriage were very difficult for both of us. Jason was dealing with a new wife, a baby on the way, and trying to figure out his job path. He looked like a deer caught in headlights for the first couple of years. His wife was insane, pregnant, and broken. He went from being this young guy, with no real responsibilities, to a young man with a full plate. I was demanding that he take the lead, in "my" spiritual walk with the Lord. I was over whelming him with rules and regulations, while at the same time I was acting awful. I knew what did not work, in one respect, but I had no idea about what did work.
Things were very hard for us for the first two years of our marriage. I was a hateful, male bashing woman. Everything that Jason did was under scrutiny. He was not a muscular man, when we were younger, he has filled out very nicely now, but he was a late bloomer. I judged a man by his physical stature, but over time, I learned that his integrity was his strength. One day we were driving to see his mother, she was getting treatments for cancer, and I was bashing men as usual. Jason finally had enough. He pointed to the back seat, to our 6 mo old son, and said, "What you say about men, he will turn into. You are raising a man." This did it. This was the true beginning of a wonderful life. What came out of my mouth was changed, after some time went by, my heart changed as well.
The only credit that I can take in my changed life, was that I was willing to listen; when I heard, I took a step in faith, knowing He was leading me in the right direction. I needed a personal relationship with Christ. I was desperate to live free. I began begging Him for guidance. For the first time I started reading my bible, seeking Him. I had studied the bible my entire life, but this was the first time I had read it. Then He started waking me up very early in the morning. I discussed this with a friend, because I was very tired, I now had two young boys and I was waking up very early (I needed my sleep). She told me, "Maybe God wants to spend some time with you, get up." So this was another change in my life, I began my mornings with God.
John 6:63, Jesus said, "It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life." I cannot take credit for my changed life. I was willing to listen, He changed my life. Christ came and died for all of us, so that we could all be free from our failures. He became the bridge that separated us from the Father. John 14:20-21, Jesus said, "When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you. Those who obey my commandments are the ones who love Me. And because they love Me, my Father will love them. And I will reveal Myself to each one of them." I am different, because He died for me. I am still on the journey, and I make many mistakes, but I love Him, and He loves me. Each day He shows me a little more of Himself. Each day is new with my Lord.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Dead People, Live!
John 5, Jesus said, "I assure you, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins, but they have already passed from death into life. And I assure you that the time is coming, in fact it is here, when the dead will hear my voice- the voice of the Son of God. And those who listen will live." Ravi Zacharias, "Jesus didn't come into the world to make bad people good- He came into the world to make dead people live."
I must address a conversation that I had last night. I was discussing my prior life with someone and they said, "You know that God was with you, even when you were living the way you were. You don't have to be good for God to love you." How I have struggled with this exact thought. Yes, I know that God loved me when I was deliberately living in sin, but I have issues with this thought as well. "Do we keep on sinning so that grace may abound?" No, once we know the truth, we are to turn to the truth, and stop living as we did before we knew the truth.
I knew God loved me, for I would hear Him calling me, even while I was driving to the club. But, had I chosen to live in that life, I would have chosen death. He would not have been able to forgive me, because I had chosen the world, instead of Him. "Those who have done good will rise to eternal life, and those who have continued in evil will rise to judgment." Death was the life I was living, before I chose to change. There is no life, in living in sin. I was choosing death. God loved me, that is why He came and died for me. It was a choice that I had to make, to accept His free gift of life. I am different now, because of His love for me. I am different now, because I choose life. I am different now, because I choose to follow Christ, instead of the world. He paid the debt that I owed, so that I could live.
Jesus never healed someone, then told them to return to their old way of living. He said just the opposite, "Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse my happen to you." I had a choice to make. Trust me it was not easy, but He helped me the whole way through the change. I could still be living with the dead. I could have very easily, ruined the life that He was trying to give me. He did it for me, but at the same time I had to choose His help.
He gave me the opportunity to start new, even with a new marriage, but I had to choose to make it a living one. For the first year of my marriage with Jason, I was struggling with all of the despondency of the past. I was a broken, vile, defiant woman. I turned all of my pain towards this man, who was here to help me heal. He hadn't done any wrong towards me, but he caught the wrath of my pain. He was not perfect, the first year was torture for both of us. Jason was like most all men, he hid in watching sports. He could not fix my broken heart, so he turned off his emotions. We were both choosing death. I was in another failing marriage. Both, Jason and I, had to decide to live with Christ. My baggage was more overt, but both of us, did bring our own hurts with us into our marriage. Christ was with us, but we were choosing bondage. We were not living free as He had intended.
Christ saved me, when He died on the cross. I cannot tell you the exact moment that I accepted that salvation. I can tell you, that when I chose to live for Him was when I was set free. In both marriages I was choosing to live in sin. One marriage was more obvious, but both were dead. I cannot tell you exactly when I accepted Christ's Salvation. I cannot tell you, exactly the time in my life when I was saved, for I always believed in Him. I can tell you that now I live. I can tell you that I was dead, but because of Christ I now live. I had to choose to act according to His will and in this I found life. "Jesus did not come come into the world to make bad people good- He cam into the world to make dead people live." I choose life, every day I make this choice.
I must address a conversation that I had last night. I was discussing my prior life with someone and they said, "You know that God was with you, even when you were living the way you were. You don't have to be good for God to love you." How I have struggled with this exact thought. Yes, I know that God loved me when I was deliberately living in sin, but I have issues with this thought as well. "Do we keep on sinning so that grace may abound?" No, once we know the truth, we are to turn to the truth, and stop living as we did before we knew the truth.
I knew God loved me, for I would hear Him calling me, even while I was driving to the club. But, had I chosen to live in that life, I would have chosen death. He would not have been able to forgive me, because I had chosen the world, instead of Him. "Those who have done good will rise to eternal life, and those who have continued in evil will rise to judgment." Death was the life I was living, before I chose to change. There is no life, in living in sin. I was choosing death. God loved me, that is why He came and died for me. It was a choice that I had to make, to accept His free gift of life. I am different now, because of His love for me. I am different now, because I choose life. I am different now, because I choose to follow Christ, instead of the world. He paid the debt that I owed, so that I could live.
Jesus never healed someone, then told them to return to their old way of living. He said just the opposite, "Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse my happen to you." I had a choice to make. Trust me it was not easy, but He helped me the whole way through the change. I could still be living with the dead. I could have very easily, ruined the life that He was trying to give me. He did it for me, but at the same time I had to choose His help.
He gave me the opportunity to start new, even with a new marriage, but I had to choose to make it a living one. For the first year of my marriage with Jason, I was struggling with all of the despondency of the past. I was a broken, vile, defiant woman. I turned all of my pain towards this man, who was here to help me heal. He hadn't done any wrong towards me, but he caught the wrath of my pain. He was not perfect, the first year was torture for both of us. Jason was like most all men, he hid in watching sports. He could not fix my broken heart, so he turned off his emotions. We were both choosing death. I was in another failing marriage. Both, Jason and I, had to decide to live with Christ. My baggage was more overt, but both of us, did bring our own hurts with us into our marriage. Christ was with us, but we were choosing bondage. We were not living free as He had intended.
Christ saved me, when He died on the cross. I cannot tell you the exact moment that I accepted that salvation. I can tell you, that when I chose to live for Him was when I was set free. In both marriages I was choosing to live in sin. One marriage was more obvious, but both were dead. I cannot tell you exactly when I accepted Christ's Salvation. I cannot tell you, exactly the time in my life when I was saved, for I always believed in Him. I can tell you that now I live. I can tell you that I was dead, but because of Christ I now live. I had to choose to act according to His will and in this I found life. "Jesus did not come come into the world to make bad people good- He cam into the world to make dead people live." I choose life, every day I make this choice.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Powerless Victim
When I first met Jason, we hung out together every day. After just three days, I told him about my life with my ex-husband, who I had just filed for divorce with. I truly expected to scare him off. I had discovered that he had never done any drugs and that he was still a virgin. I did not find any reason to hang out with him. So, on the third night, I gave him my whole story, leaving out the graphics. I expected to never see him again, but his words to me that night were, "I think I am here to help you heal." I thought this was so corny, but how true it was. We stayed together every day for the next couple of weeks, then I left for Stone Gate. http://www.stonegateresources.org/
I stayed at Stone Gate for 10 days. During this time, I discovered my role in the destruction of my life. I had been blaming everyone else for my failures. I definitely blamed my ex-husband, because he was the one that who was supposed to protect me; cherish me; love me, and all he did was try to destroy me. After all, wasn't it all his fault? No, I had to take responsibility for my own choices. I was not a victim, I had made every choice, all on my own. Thanks to Harry, the head counselor at Stone Gate, I was able to see this early on in my healing. There is never any power in a victim, the only time we can take our life back is by accepting the responsibilities for our own part in things.
Now don't get me wrong, every child is a victim. What happens to you in your childhood is something that you cannot control. But after you have grown, you can no longer blame your decisions on your past. You are the one making those decisions. It was not my fault that I was molested in the 5th grade. It was not my fault that my virginity was taken from me at 15, at school. These are places that I found myself in, because I was a young girl, and most young girls cannot see what is about to happen to them if they put themselves in certain situations. Even if they can see what is about to happen, most of the time you do not have the ability to know how to get yourself out of the situation.
I was now an adult, I was 26 with a college degree, I was a grown woman, I was not a victim. I had made the choices myself. No matter how hard I tried to pass blame on someone else, it was my decision, all of it. I had spent my entire life with the victim mentality. Nothing was ever really my fault. I could turn and pass the blame onto anything or anyone, at any time. The victim role is what I had to take control over. I had to see that I was making my life choices, for myself. I am so thankful for Harry. I would still be blaming my failed marriage on my ex-husband and his mistakes, this is not true. Yes, he had a part in the failure, but so did I. Here is the point, as long as you are blaming the past for your today, you will never make it past yesterday. I look forward to tomorrow, by taking control of today. I have to turn every day over to the will of God, otherwise I may find myself stuck in the past. Every day is new and every day brings its own troubles. If you burden today with the sorrows of yesterday, tomorrow seems much to large to look forward to. Today we have control of our future. Today we have control of our today.
2 Corinthians 4-5, "...We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going... I believed in God, and so I speak... For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long... So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever... We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing... That is why we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So our aim is to please Him always, whether we are here in this body or away from this body. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in our bodies."
I stayed at Stone Gate for 10 days. During this time, I discovered my role in the destruction of my life. I had been blaming everyone else for my failures. I definitely blamed my ex-husband, because he was the one that who was supposed to protect me; cherish me; love me, and all he did was try to destroy me. After all, wasn't it all his fault? No, I had to take responsibility for my own choices. I was not a victim, I had made every choice, all on my own. Thanks to Harry, the head counselor at Stone Gate, I was able to see this early on in my healing. There is never any power in a victim, the only time we can take our life back is by accepting the responsibilities for our own part in things.
Now don't get me wrong, every child is a victim. What happens to you in your childhood is something that you cannot control. But after you have grown, you can no longer blame your decisions on your past. You are the one making those decisions. It was not my fault that I was molested in the 5th grade. It was not my fault that my virginity was taken from me at 15, at school. These are places that I found myself in, because I was a young girl, and most young girls cannot see what is about to happen to them if they put themselves in certain situations. Even if they can see what is about to happen, most of the time you do not have the ability to know how to get yourself out of the situation.
I was now an adult, I was 26 with a college degree, I was a grown woman, I was not a victim. I had made the choices myself. No matter how hard I tried to pass blame on someone else, it was my decision, all of it. I had spent my entire life with the victim mentality. Nothing was ever really my fault. I could turn and pass the blame onto anything or anyone, at any time. The victim role is what I had to take control over. I had to see that I was making my life choices, for myself. I am so thankful for Harry. I would still be blaming my failed marriage on my ex-husband and his mistakes, this is not true. Yes, he had a part in the failure, but so did I. Here is the point, as long as you are blaming the past for your today, you will never make it past yesterday. I look forward to tomorrow, by taking control of today. I have to turn every day over to the will of God, otherwise I may find myself stuck in the past. Every day is new and every day brings its own troubles. If you burden today with the sorrows of yesterday, tomorrow seems much to large to look forward to. Today we have control of our future. Today we have control of our today.
2 Corinthians 4-5, "...We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going... I believed in God, and so I speak... For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long... So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever... We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing... That is why we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So our aim is to please Him always, whether we are here in this body or away from this body. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in our bodies."
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Strength of a Man
I do not want to visit my past marriage any longer. I have spent long enough looking at my failures and my life when I did not let God take control... It was July, I had to get away and visit my grandparents in Colorado. I made enough money to pay the bills one month in advance; give my ex enough money to sustain him for two weeks; and to get to Gunnison, so that I could see my grandmother. I arrived here, high and knowing that I needed to escape. For the first week, I was just enjoying the quiet peace that my grandmother offered me. The next week was different, for I ran out of weed and I hit my knees. I had lived in a fog for so long that I was having a very hard time seeing my life. I spent many hours walking in the mountains alone, talking to Jesus and feeling Him holding my hand.
When my two weeks were over and I knew I had to return home, I felt like a different person. I wanted to live a different life. Change is always easier, until your home again. I returned home to a broken man, who had not had the experience that I had in the mountains. He was welcoming me home, but it was hard. I stayed there for almost two months, but God knew I had to get out. John 8:21, "You will search for me and die in your sin." I was too weak to resist. So like a whirl wind my family took me out of my life, and I was offered a new one. They let me choose where I wanted to stay for a while, so I chose Gunnison. I found peace with my grandmother, I needed her; Jesus was with her and I knew it!
After one month I was looking for drugs. I needed them. I hadn't been without them for more than a day or two for over three years. I didn't know who I was without the high and I was desperately searching for who I was. My grandparents attended a small church in Gunny and it was here that I met Jason, just one month after I had left my ex-husband. Jason was this scrawny little guy. He was 6' 2", but weighed in at only 125lbs. Trust me when I say that I was not attracted to him, I wasn't. I like big guys, really big guys, he was not! Out of God's infinite wisdom, my grandmother got Jason confused with his brother and told me that he had been into "marijuana." I was very interested in that, so when he came to the campground, that my grandparents were taking care of, I was very interested in spending time with him.
Very quickly I discovered that I had the wrong, right brother. If you can imagine my disdain for men, then you can understand that I had no interest in a relationship. So hanging out with this guy was not really my first option, but it was either him; my grandparents and their older friends, or this nasty man, that I had discovered who I could get high with. I wanted to change, and God gave me the best option, so I chose Jason.
I never could have imagined the strength, the security, the hope that I found in this "weak" man. Through this man, what I saw as strength was turned to weakness and what I saw as weakness was turned into strength. 1 Corinthians 12:1-10, "Jesus said, "My power works best in your weakness." Then Paul states, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." Jason helped me to discover the pure love of Christ and he helped to heal my broken heart. He is a man of God and because of that, he is truly the strongest man I have ever known. I owe him my honor and my respect. He is my husband and my lover. With his help my past filth has been covered. We have, together, grown in our relationship with each other and towards God. Now I can talk about my healing! How thankful I am for Christ and His sacrifice. Through Him I have found purity. I feel like a pure woman who is cherished by her Father and her husband. How awesome, this feeling is...
When my two weeks were over and I knew I had to return home, I felt like a different person. I wanted to live a different life. Change is always easier, until your home again. I returned home to a broken man, who had not had the experience that I had in the mountains. He was welcoming me home, but it was hard. I stayed there for almost two months, but God knew I had to get out. John 8:21, "You will search for me and die in your sin." I was too weak to resist. So like a whirl wind my family took me out of my life, and I was offered a new one. They let me choose where I wanted to stay for a while, so I chose Gunnison. I found peace with my grandmother, I needed her; Jesus was with her and I knew it!
After one month I was looking for drugs. I needed them. I hadn't been without them for more than a day or two for over three years. I didn't know who I was without the high and I was desperately searching for who I was. My grandparents attended a small church in Gunny and it was here that I met Jason, just one month after I had left my ex-husband. Jason was this scrawny little guy. He was 6' 2", but weighed in at only 125lbs. Trust me when I say that I was not attracted to him, I wasn't. I like big guys, really big guys, he was not! Out of God's infinite wisdom, my grandmother got Jason confused with his brother and told me that he had been into "marijuana." I was very interested in that, so when he came to the campground, that my grandparents were taking care of, I was very interested in spending time with him.
Very quickly I discovered that I had the wrong, right brother. If you can imagine my disdain for men, then you can understand that I had no interest in a relationship. So hanging out with this guy was not really my first option, but it was either him; my grandparents and their older friends, or this nasty man, that I had discovered who I could get high with. I wanted to change, and God gave me the best option, so I chose Jason.
I never could have imagined the strength, the security, the hope that I found in this "weak" man. Through this man, what I saw as strength was turned to weakness and what I saw as weakness was turned into strength. 1 Corinthians 12:1-10, "Jesus said, "My power works best in your weakness." Then Paul states, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." Jason helped me to discover the pure love of Christ and he helped to heal my broken heart. He is a man of God and because of that, he is truly the strongest man I have ever known. I owe him my honor and my respect. He is my husband and my lover. With his help my past filth has been covered. We have, together, grown in our relationship with each other and towards God. Now I can talk about my healing! How thankful I am for Christ and His sacrifice. Through Him I have found purity. I feel like a pure woman who is cherished by her Father and her husband. How awesome, this feeling is...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Slave of Sin
In spending these few months in Focusing on Marriage, my previous marriage is something that I have to face. I have to look at the failures in my life to appreciate the rest. Trust me, I have been looking at the failures. I have been asked to be in a community play. In the play, I am in a small airport, stranded because of a snow storm, and my ex-husband happens to be stranded as well. In my blogs, I am dealing with my ex-life and in the play I am forced to bring the emotions to reality in order to play the part. None of this is easy for me. I am, on one hand, feeling very humble and thankful to God for blessing my life with Christ and His forgiveness; while at the same time in the play, I am having to play the part of a very unforgiving woman,who has been very hurt by her ex-husband.
Everything that has been brought to my immediate view, are my failures. I am looking them straight in the face and having to relive them, this is not easy... When I was married to my ex-husband, I failed miserably. In his sin of pornography and drugs, life for him was tumbling out of control, and I was its assistant. John 8:34, Jesus replied, "I assure you that everyone who sins is a slave of sin." I have truly lived the part of slavery.
For three years we were high every day, and if we did not have any drugs, we were obsessed with finding them. Sex and pornography were addictions that were destroying our lives. He was so consumed with pornography that normal sex was not an option for him. He was always getting me to tell stories and they were getting out of control. He was laden with rage and jealousy, but this is the high that he was desiring. He would have me tell him stories about being with other men and soon the stories were not enough, he wanted to watch. I offered him to let me be with another girl, for that was not as bad to me as being with another man. Other women did not do it, he wanted to watch me with another man. My counter to his wishes, I became a stripper. He could watch, but I wouldn't have to have sex with anyone else.
The Devil is the father of lies. John 8:44, "There is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for his is a liar and the father of lies." I was bound in slavery. I was deceived by lies. I was a "slave of sin." I thought that I was doing what I had to do. I was obeying my husbands desires. What I could not see, was that he was a slave as well. We were in slavery together. The crazy thing is that we were choosing to live that way. No one was making me get up on stage and work those nights in the club. I was choosing it for myself. Sin does not take control of your life by force; you allow it, one day at a time. Then one day, you wake up, and are amazed at how your life has turned out so wrong. The lies have deceived you and your father is the Devil.
John 8:1-11, A woman is caught in adultery. she is brought to Jesus and her accusers wish to stone her. Jesus said, "All right, stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!" The people began to leave, then Jesus turned to the woman, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you? ...Neither do I. Go and sin no more." I was the woman. I should have been stoned. Christ had mercy on me. He set me free from my slavery. "Go and sin no more," live in peace be free with Me! I have no accusers, why would I be the one to pick up the first stone and direct it toward myself? Reliving my sin, my slavery, is not easy. But with the knowledge that He has paid the price; He died, because of my sin, instead of me; He took the hit for me; I can live free, because of His sacrifice. How thankful I am to Him, with every new day!
Thank you Jesus, I do not deserve your sacrifice; I deserve death. Thank you for giving me life!
Everything that has been brought to my immediate view, are my failures. I am looking them straight in the face and having to relive them, this is not easy... When I was married to my ex-husband, I failed miserably. In his sin of pornography and drugs, life for him was tumbling out of control, and I was its assistant. John 8:34, Jesus replied, "I assure you that everyone who sins is a slave of sin." I have truly lived the part of slavery.
For three years we were high every day, and if we did not have any drugs, we were obsessed with finding them. Sex and pornography were addictions that were destroying our lives. He was so consumed with pornography that normal sex was not an option for him. He was always getting me to tell stories and they were getting out of control. He was laden with rage and jealousy, but this is the high that he was desiring. He would have me tell him stories about being with other men and soon the stories were not enough, he wanted to watch. I offered him to let me be with another girl, for that was not as bad to me as being with another man. Other women did not do it, he wanted to watch me with another man. My counter to his wishes, I became a stripper. He could watch, but I wouldn't have to have sex with anyone else.
The Devil is the father of lies. John 8:44, "There is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for his is a liar and the father of lies." I was bound in slavery. I was deceived by lies. I was a "slave of sin." I thought that I was doing what I had to do. I was obeying my husbands desires. What I could not see, was that he was a slave as well. We were in slavery together. The crazy thing is that we were choosing to live that way. No one was making me get up on stage and work those nights in the club. I was choosing it for myself. Sin does not take control of your life by force; you allow it, one day at a time. Then one day, you wake up, and are amazed at how your life has turned out so wrong. The lies have deceived you and your father is the Devil.
John 8:1-11, A woman is caught in adultery. she is brought to Jesus and her accusers wish to stone her. Jesus said, "All right, stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!" The people began to leave, then Jesus turned to the woman, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you? ...Neither do I. Go and sin no more." I was the woman. I should have been stoned. Christ had mercy on me. He set me free from my slavery. "Go and sin no more," live in peace be free with Me! I have no accusers, why would I be the one to pick up the first stone and direct it toward myself? Reliving my sin, my slavery, is not easy. But with the knowledge that He has paid the price; He died, because of my sin, instead of me; He took the hit for me; I can live free, because of His sacrifice. How thankful I am to Him, with every new day!
Thank you Jesus, I do not deserve your sacrifice; I deserve death. Thank you for giving me life!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Abigail
It is amazing what you can see about your life, after you have gone through the trials. How I should have been strong. I should have been relying on God to give me advise and the wisdom on how to deal with my ex-husband. I thought that I was being a good, obedient wife in how I treated him and how I talked about him with other people. I lied for him and I covered up his sin for him. In doing this he fell deeper into his wrongs and I enabled him to do it. I was not a helper; I was a traitor. I did help him alright. Right into the pits of Hell!
God gives us an example in the bible for just about any situation that we may find ourselves in. 1 Samuel 25 is a wonderful example for women on how to deal with a foolish husband. "Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman. But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was mean and dishonest in his dealing." Nabal returned good done unto him with evil and in return his entire household was about to be slaughtered by David. "One of Nabal's servants went to Abigail and told her...You'd better think fast, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He's so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him!" Abigail did what she knew was right. She did not consult with her husband for she knew he was evil. She saved her husband from death, even though he did not deserve it. She did not lie for him either. She told David, "I accept all blame in this matter, my lord. Please listen to what I have to say. I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don't pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never saw the messengers you sent..."
Abigail did not lie for her husband, because everyone can see when a man is wrong anyway. She did not make excuses for him either. Nor did she slander him and talk about him behind his back, but she did what she knew was right in spite of him. When it was all over she did not hide it from her husband either. She waited for the appropriate time, then told him what she had done. Anyone who has ever been married to a man who is angry can relate to how she must have felt as she approached her husband with what she had done. She probably expected a full retort of everything that he could give her. But God protected her and honored her for her obedience to Him. I am sure that she had suffered so much pain before this by the hands of this man, but she endured and she obeyed God.
So many times we try to cover up sin, whether it is our own or someone else's. This was my first big mistake in my previous marriage. I lied for my husband, trying to help him look better. I should have called it for what it was. He was a liar, a cheat, lazy and wicked. I shouldn't have fought for him, but I should have fought for God. I do not know what would have happened if I had been the woman that I needed to be. I know that I would not have done the evil things that I did, and now have to live with. I know that I would not have the pain that my weakness caused. I have learned several things though; stay in the truth, no matter how ugly it is; do not slander those you love, but do not cover up their sins either; do what you know is right, no matter what price you may pay later. Live in the truth and love the Lord your God with all of your strength, with all of your life. In return, He will set you free! Look to the cross and see the punishment that He bore for you and everyone who seeks Him.
God gives us an example in the bible for just about any situation that we may find ourselves in. 1 Samuel 25 is a wonderful example for women on how to deal with a foolish husband. "Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman. But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was mean and dishonest in his dealing." Nabal returned good done unto him with evil and in return his entire household was about to be slaughtered by David. "One of Nabal's servants went to Abigail and told her...You'd better think fast, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He's so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him!" Abigail did what she knew was right. She did not consult with her husband for she knew he was evil. She saved her husband from death, even though he did not deserve it. She did not lie for him either. She told David, "I accept all blame in this matter, my lord. Please listen to what I have to say. I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don't pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never saw the messengers you sent..."
Abigail did not lie for her husband, because everyone can see when a man is wrong anyway. She did not make excuses for him either. Nor did she slander him and talk about him behind his back, but she did what she knew was right in spite of him. When it was all over she did not hide it from her husband either. She waited for the appropriate time, then told him what she had done. Anyone who has ever been married to a man who is angry can relate to how she must have felt as she approached her husband with what she had done. She probably expected a full retort of everything that he could give her. But God protected her and honored her for her obedience to Him. I am sure that she had suffered so much pain before this by the hands of this man, but she endured and she obeyed God.
So many times we try to cover up sin, whether it is our own or someone else's. This was my first big mistake in my previous marriage. I lied for my husband, trying to help him look better. I should have called it for what it was. He was a liar, a cheat, lazy and wicked. I shouldn't have fought for him, but I should have fought for God. I do not know what would have happened if I had been the woman that I needed to be. I know that I would not have done the evil things that I did, and now have to live with. I know that I would not have the pain that my weakness caused. I have learned several things though; stay in the truth, no matter how ugly it is; do not slander those you love, but do not cover up their sins either; do what you know is right, no matter what price you may pay later. Live in the truth and love the Lord your God with all of your strength, with all of your life. In return, He will set you free! Look to the cross and see the punishment that He bore for you and everyone who seeks Him.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
For one year
At the age of 22, I was ready to be married. I thought that it wouldn't matter who I married, I just needed to be married. Up until this point in my life, I had not really done anything all that bad. I had multiple boyfriends, yes, but sex was my only real issue. I had smoked pot maybe three times, but it was only very recreational and nothing that I had a problem with. I had been drunk a few times, but again it was nothing that I struggled with or wanted in my life. I truly believed, if I got married, then we would settle down and start a "normal" life together. I was a young foolish girl!
I never could have dreamed up the life that I was about to embrace, after I got married. I knew my husband was into pornography. I didn't think too much about it, every man was into it. Right? Wrong! For one year I battled drugs and pornography with him. He would bring home weed and I would flush it. Of coarse, then I was picking up the pieces of the broken table and other items that he would break out of his anger, but I held strong. For one year I did not smoke with him or drink. I would tell him sexual stories in bed, but that was between the two of us. I thought that was okay. It was what he wanted. I was a young foolish girl!
For one year I held on strong, but then my MS started acting up really bad. I was dealing with disabilities and urinary incontinence. Lets just say, I got very depressed. Then because he was a musician and "blamed" me for having to work during the day, we moved into a 22ft camping trailer. I was fine with that. I was still in college and working very hard at graduating, which I did, but I was not going to get a job and go to school at the same time. He was the man; he could support us; instead, we moved into the trailer so that he could play music full time.
For one year I held on strong, but then my plants died. I became surrounded by death and I surrendered to the pressure. The first year of marriage was over, and I was loosing myself. I turned my eyes completely away from God and I joined my husband in his weaknesses. I was all alone. The only person that I had was my husband and he was spending his time with his buddies, smoking pot and watching porn. So what did I do? I went with him, smoking pot and watching porn. Proverbs 6:32ff, "But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul. Wounds and constant disgrace are his lot. His shame will never be erased." This was the beginning of the end of my innocence.
For one year I held on strong, but then I turned my eyes away from God. I became lost in the dark world of drugs and pornography. I put my soul in the hands of a lost man and I never fought him again. My curse was that my desire was for my husband and not for God. I was expecting a man and marriage to save me from myself. I should have been looking to God. My desire was for my husband. My desire should have been for my God. I put a man in the place of my master, instead of my God. For one year I held on strong, but then I gave up. He could have helped me through the hard times. I was doing fine. It was hard, but He was helping me. He was there, but I chose to turn my eyes away from Him. I could easily be the victim and say it was my husbands fault, but it was my choice to become what I became.
I never could have dreamed up the life that I was about to embrace, after I got married. I knew my husband was into pornography. I didn't think too much about it, every man was into it. Right? Wrong! For one year I battled drugs and pornography with him. He would bring home weed and I would flush it. Of coarse, then I was picking up the pieces of the broken table and other items that he would break out of his anger, but I held strong. For one year I did not smoke with him or drink. I would tell him sexual stories in bed, but that was between the two of us. I thought that was okay. It was what he wanted. I was a young foolish girl!
For one year I held on strong, but then my MS started acting up really bad. I was dealing with disabilities and urinary incontinence. Lets just say, I got very depressed. Then because he was a musician and "blamed" me for having to work during the day, we moved into a 22ft camping trailer. I was fine with that. I was still in college and working very hard at graduating, which I did, but I was not going to get a job and go to school at the same time. He was the man; he could support us; instead, we moved into the trailer so that he could play music full time.
For one year I held on strong, but then my plants died. I became surrounded by death and I surrendered to the pressure. The first year of marriage was over, and I was loosing myself. I turned my eyes completely away from God and I joined my husband in his weaknesses. I was all alone. The only person that I had was my husband and he was spending his time with his buddies, smoking pot and watching porn. So what did I do? I went with him, smoking pot and watching porn. Proverbs 6:32ff, "But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul. Wounds and constant disgrace are his lot. His shame will never be erased." This was the beginning of the end of my innocence.
For one year I held on strong, but then I turned my eyes away from God. I became lost in the dark world of drugs and pornography. I put my soul in the hands of a lost man and I never fought him again. My curse was that my desire was for my husband and not for God. I was expecting a man and marriage to save me from myself. I should have been looking to God. My desire was for my husband. My desire should have been for my God. I put a man in the place of my master, instead of my God. For one year I held on strong, but then I gave up. He could have helped me through the hard times. I was doing fine. It was hard, but He was helping me. He was there, but I chose to turn my eyes away from Him. I could easily be the victim and say it was my husbands fault, but it was my choice to become what I became.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Temple of God
I have several different events scheduled for the next couple of months. We are hosting the Simulcast "Focus on Marriage"; I am speaking with some teenage girls at a young women's retreat; I have been asked to be in a play that deals with divorced couples; I am the MC at a Christmas Tea for the women of our community; truly the list goes on and on, I cannot wait to see what God does with all of these things... I have so many different things on my mind, but I will try and keep most of them together, so that the end result is changed lives and God is glorified. I have an idea of where I desire my study to travel and with God' leading and help during this time, maybe you can walk with me through my life to see how God has saved me from myself. In this, I pray you can see how God is leading you and saving you from yourself, as well.
I woke very early this morning with young women on my heart. Have you ever really looked into the Temple of God and all of the detail it took in building His place to reside here. Every inch of the Temple was crafted with painstaking detail, from the floor to the ornaments that were brought inside. 1 Kings 5ff gives all of the details to the construction of this magnificent place of worship to our Lord. There were mighty gold Cherubim, each 15 feet tall with a wingspan of 15 feet, each wing being 7 1/2 feet long. These represented heavenly beings, symbolizing God's presence and holiness. The Ark of the Covenant was placed inside the Most Holy Place. The Ark symbolized God's presence. Bronze pillars were placed at the entrance of the Temple. The pillars were named Jakin (meaning "He establishes") and Boaz (meaning "in Him is strength")- taken together they could mean "God provides the strength." The Temple was a place of worship and wonder. It was gold plated everywhere and the detail to its beauty were never matched again by human hands.
I never truly understood the importance in being the temple of God, until I saw the detail that went into building the Temple. I spent most all of my young life defiling my body and in return tarnishing the temple of God. 1 Corinthians 6:18ff, "Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Or don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."
When I was in 5th grade I was introduce to sex. From that time on, I defiled my body and damaged my heart by being with different boys. At the age of 15, I lost my virginity at school! I constantly went from boyfriend to boyfriend in search of love and acceptance. Every relationship left me feeling more insecure and distant from my God. By the time that I first got married at the age of 22, I had been engaged or "promised" to 4 different guys. All that I wanted was to get married, so that my problems with sexual sin would be over. I had no idea that what laid in front of me was more damaging than anything that I had encountered so far. My first husband became my husband, because he was actually the first one to run away with me to Vegas and get married. I did not care about the wedding or what was to come afterward; all that I cared about was getting rid of sexual problems.
I was so deceived. I truly thought that by being married, I would feel whole. What I did not realize, was that the only way to feel whole, was to have a true relationship with my Lord. I had to discover that I was the temple of God and that He wanted to find a home in my heart. Do you know that you are the temple of God? You are to take care of your body, for that is the only way you can find Him living in you. Marriage did not save me, for I was not looking to God. I allowed my sin to corrupt the bonds of marriage, instead of allowing God to heal my broken heart...
I woke very early this morning with young women on my heart. Have you ever really looked into the Temple of God and all of the detail it took in building His place to reside here. Every inch of the Temple was crafted with painstaking detail, from the floor to the ornaments that were brought inside. 1 Kings 5ff gives all of the details to the construction of this magnificent place of worship to our Lord. There were mighty gold Cherubim, each 15 feet tall with a wingspan of 15 feet, each wing being 7 1/2 feet long. These represented heavenly beings, symbolizing God's presence and holiness. The Ark of the Covenant was placed inside the Most Holy Place. The Ark symbolized God's presence. Bronze pillars were placed at the entrance of the Temple. The pillars were named Jakin (meaning "He establishes") and Boaz (meaning "in Him is strength")- taken together they could mean "God provides the strength." The Temple was a place of worship and wonder. It was gold plated everywhere and the detail to its beauty were never matched again by human hands.
I never truly understood the importance in being the temple of God, until I saw the detail that went into building the Temple. I spent most all of my young life defiling my body and in return tarnishing the temple of God. 1 Corinthians 6:18ff, "Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Or don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."
When I was in 5th grade I was introduce to sex. From that time on, I defiled my body and damaged my heart by being with different boys. At the age of 15, I lost my virginity at school! I constantly went from boyfriend to boyfriend in search of love and acceptance. Every relationship left me feeling more insecure and distant from my God. By the time that I first got married at the age of 22, I had been engaged or "promised" to 4 different guys. All that I wanted was to get married, so that my problems with sexual sin would be over. I had no idea that what laid in front of me was more damaging than anything that I had encountered so far. My first husband became my husband, because he was actually the first one to run away with me to Vegas and get married. I did not care about the wedding or what was to come afterward; all that I cared about was getting rid of sexual problems.
I was so deceived. I truly thought that by being married, I would feel whole. What I did not realize, was that the only way to feel whole, was to have a true relationship with my Lord. I had to discover that I was the temple of God and that He wanted to find a home in my heart. Do you know that you are the temple of God? You are to take care of your body, for that is the only way you can find Him living in you. Marriage did not save me, for I was not looking to God. I allowed my sin to corrupt the bonds of marriage, instead of allowing God to heal my broken heart...
Focus on Marriage
For the next couple of months I am going to focus many of my blogs toward marriages. Focus on the Family is presenting "Focus on Marriage." It is a simulcast presented in every state across the Country. http://www.ccn.tv/marriage/ Go to the web address and find a location near you so that you and your spouse can "learn to see your marriage through the eyes of God..."
Big day is February 28th.
Big day is February 28th.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Fruit
What fruit have you been producing through your life? Do people see you on a regular basis and think, "they are different"? What sets you apart from the rest of the world? Luke 13, Jesus said, "A man planted a fig tree in his garden and came again and again to see if there was any fruit on it, but he was always disappointed. Finally, he said to his gardener, 'I've waited three years, and there hasn't been a single fig! Cut it down. It is taking up space we can use for something else.' The gardener answered, 'give it one more chance. Leave it another year, and I'll give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. If we get figs next year, fine. If not, you can cut it down.' ...The door to heaven is narrow. Work hard to get in, because many will try to enter, but when the head of the house has locked the door, it will be too late. Then you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Lord, open the door for us!' But he will reply, 'I don't know you.' You will say, 'But we ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.' And he will reply, 'I tell you, I don't know you. Go away, all you who do evil.'"
I can look around me at what other people are doing in their public lives. I see others and I can easily see their faults and what they need to change. Honestly, it does not matter what they are doing. Every day I have to ask myself, "What am I doing?" They only real test to your faith, it is your fruit. If you go to church and listen to every sermon; if you can quote the entire New Testament, it does not matter. What matters is how you are living your every day life.
Many people will tell you that all you have to do is believe in Jesus and Him crucified and you will be saved or get baptized and you are in. This is true, but there is more. He is watching your life, on a daily basis, to see if you are producing fruit. Now this does not mean that if you make a mistake today, you are doomed. We all make many mistakes; Jesus is patient with us and gives us another day, every day. But He does say that it is hard to enter and it takes a lot of work. Just because you can quote His words, does not make you right with Him. Your life that you live; the trust that you have in Him; the faith that you express to Him through your life; your fruit, that is what He is looking for. He looks at my life to see if I am producing anything that He can gather. Can He come to me and know that I am alive? Or am I just existing; taking up space in His garden?
Luke 14:25-35. "And you cannot be my disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me. But don't begin until you count the cost. ...how everyone would laugh at you! ...So no one can become My disciple without giving up everything for Me. ...Anyone who is willing to hear should listen and understand." Are you willing to listen? Am I able to understand? He does say that it matters how you live your life. He wants you to change your living conditions, so that you can hear Him and follow Him. Start at home! How are you treating your spouse? It does not matter how they are treating you. How are you treating them? How are you treating your children? How are you treating the waitress at your table? How are you treating the cashier at the store? How do you treat the client that comes to your office? Do they see something different about you? What fruit are you producing? Is it ripe, ready to pick; or rotten, so that no one can use it?
I can look around me at what other people are doing in their public lives. I see others and I can easily see their faults and what they need to change. Honestly, it does not matter what they are doing. Every day I have to ask myself, "What am I doing?" They only real test to your faith, it is your fruit. If you go to church and listen to every sermon; if you can quote the entire New Testament, it does not matter. What matters is how you are living your every day life.
Many people will tell you that all you have to do is believe in Jesus and Him crucified and you will be saved or get baptized and you are in. This is true, but there is more. He is watching your life, on a daily basis, to see if you are producing fruit. Now this does not mean that if you make a mistake today, you are doomed. We all make many mistakes; Jesus is patient with us and gives us another day, every day. But He does say that it is hard to enter and it takes a lot of work. Just because you can quote His words, does not make you right with Him. Your life that you live; the trust that you have in Him; the faith that you express to Him through your life; your fruit, that is what He is looking for. He looks at my life to see if I am producing anything that He can gather. Can He come to me and know that I am alive? Or am I just existing; taking up space in His garden?
Luke 14:25-35. "And you cannot be my disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me. But don't begin until you count the cost. ...how everyone would laugh at you! ...So no one can become My disciple without giving up everything for Me. ...Anyone who is willing to hear should listen and understand." Are you willing to listen? Am I able to understand? He does say that it matters how you live your life. He wants you to change your living conditions, so that you can hear Him and follow Him. Start at home! How are you treating your spouse? It does not matter how they are treating you. How are you treating them? How are you treating your children? How are you treating the waitress at your table? How are you treating the cashier at the store? How do you treat the client that comes to your office? Do they see something different about you? What fruit are you producing? Is it ripe, ready to pick; or rotten, so that no one can use it?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Selfless Marriage
As I think of all of the problems that I have had with my marriage, it all can be summarized with one word, selfishness. God has called us to be selfless not selfish. Luke 11:33-36, "...Your eye is a lamp for your body. A pure eye lets sunshine into your soul. But an evil eye shuts out the light and plunges you into darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not really darkness. If you are filled light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight is shining on you." There is nothing darker than the selfish ambition of our own desires. James 4:1ff, "What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Isn't it the whole army of evil desires at war within you? ...I say it again, that if our aim is to enjoy this word, you can't be a friend of God."
I have a wonderful marriage. We have worked very hard for our marriage. We have discussed selfishness often, within our relationship. Usually a fight starts with one person thinking about them self, instead of the other person. By letting that person know that "we" were impaired because of what they did, a fight is started. But here is the catch, in order for their to be a fight both parties involved have to be defending their own wishes. So in a fight there is usually two selfish parties, not just one.
Most of the time there is one person who is offended more often than the other. That person is the selfish party. In the beginning of our marriage, I was the selfish one. I was the one that was so wounded and I defended myself ruthlessly, whether I thought I was right or not. We both still have our selfish moments, but we do not have many fights. We have learned that in a relationship, no one wins, there is compromise. Many times we will just let something slide, in the moment. But we always address our hurt or concern; at the appropriate time. Proverbs 13:3, "Those who control their tongue will have a long life; a quick retort can ruin everything." If you defend your actions in the middle of another's hurt, you will only bury the knife deeper in them and they will come back defensively.
We have a rule in our house. We are safe to bring our hurts to each other, without the other person defending them self in the moment. We hear the others complaint; say that we are sorry, whether we feel we were wrong or not. After the moment has passed and we have given it some thought, then we can come back with our concerns about the issue. Most of the time, it is hurt feelings for the moment. Then later, both parties are more able to see things more clearly.
When there is fighting in a house, there is a selfish person living there. Luke 11:17, "Any kingdom at war with itself is doomed. A divided home is also doomed." Someone must be the one to grow up and stop being selfish. My husband took the hit for several years. Then I finally discovered that he never tried to hurt me on purpose. That is when I let down my defenses and stopped trying to fight with him. Now we both understand that we are working together trying to build a strong home for our family. There are moments of selfishness between the two of us, but that is a moment, not the whole.
If your spouse is the weaker person and cannot let go of their own selfishness, you will be strong. James 1:2-4, "whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." Fight for your marriage. Lay down your own selfish desires, and discover the character that God will give you.
I have a wonderful marriage. We have worked very hard for our marriage. We have discussed selfishness often, within our relationship. Usually a fight starts with one person thinking about them self, instead of the other person. By letting that person know that "we" were impaired because of what they did, a fight is started. But here is the catch, in order for their to be a fight both parties involved have to be defending their own wishes. So in a fight there is usually two selfish parties, not just one.
Most of the time there is one person who is offended more often than the other. That person is the selfish party. In the beginning of our marriage, I was the selfish one. I was the one that was so wounded and I defended myself ruthlessly, whether I thought I was right or not. We both still have our selfish moments, but we do not have many fights. We have learned that in a relationship, no one wins, there is compromise. Many times we will just let something slide, in the moment. But we always address our hurt or concern; at the appropriate time. Proverbs 13:3, "Those who control their tongue will have a long life; a quick retort can ruin everything." If you defend your actions in the middle of another's hurt, you will only bury the knife deeper in them and they will come back defensively.
We have a rule in our house. We are safe to bring our hurts to each other, without the other person defending them self in the moment. We hear the others complaint; say that we are sorry, whether we feel we were wrong or not. After the moment has passed and we have given it some thought, then we can come back with our concerns about the issue. Most of the time, it is hurt feelings for the moment. Then later, both parties are more able to see things more clearly.
When there is fighting in a house, there is a selfish person living there. Luke 11:17, "Any kingdom at war with itself is doomed. A divided home is also doomed." Someone must be the one to grow up and stop being selfish. My husband took the hit for several years. Then I finally discovered that he never tried to hurt me on purpose. That is when I let down my defenses and stopped trying to fight with him. Now we both understand that we are working together trying to build a strong home for our family. There are moments of selfishness between the two of us, but that is a moment, not the whole.
If your spouse is the weaker person and cannot let go of their own selfishness, you will be strong. James 1:2-4, "whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." Fight for your marriage. Lay down your own selfish desires, and discover the character that God will give you.
Focus on Marriage
For the next couple of months I am going to focus many of my blogs toward marriages. Focus on the Family is presenting "Focus on Marriage." It is a simulcast presented in every state across the Country. http://www.ccn.tv/marriage/
Go to the web address and find a location near you so that you and your spouse can "learn to see your marriage through the eyes of God..."
Big day is February 28th.
Go to the web address and find a location near you so that you and your spouse can "learn to see your marriage through the eyes of God..."
Big day is February 28th.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
My Hosea
Last night I had the privilege of celebrating with friends on their 30th wedding anniversary. As they were renewing their vowels and going over their lives together, I had the best feeling. I could truly see myself in years to come standing beside my husband, looking into his wonderful face and expressing my deepest feelings for him. What an awesome experience this has been so far and how much better I see it becoming.
Most people when they initially think of marriages in the bible and how husband are supposed to treat their wives, they probably turn to Ephesians. This is not true for me. I turn to Hosea. My first true glimpse of God was through my husband. Just going over this in my mind, tears are streaming down my face. I cannot express the feelings that I feel for this man. He is my lover. He is my dream come true. I was Gomer. There was nothing holy about my life and this man, who I thought of as my adversary, took me in.
Hosea 2, "But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there... In that coming day, says the Lord, you will call me 'my husband' instead of my master. ...I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as LORD."
In all of this, I will try my best not to sound sacrilegious, but my husband is my lord. He is the first true glimpse of Christ for me. I worship him as my husband and my lover. He took me in, when there was nothing about me that was to be loved and he loved me better than I could have ever imagined. He is my heavy lifter, my rock and my shelter. When I think of being Christ's bride, it excites me, because I know how a man has loved me, I cannot imagine how truly wonderful His love must feel. Isn't this how it is supposed to be. We are supposed to feel so completely taken away by our lover that we would do anything for them and they would do anything for us. This is how I feel about my husband and my Lord. God knew that I needed to be able to feel His love and experience His strength, so He gave me the strongest man that I have ever met.
In the beginning I was fighting so hard against my husband and my God. I did not want him, I hated men. I saw him as weak and pathetic. My Lord opened my eyes to Him, through his strength. My Lord came into my life trough my lord and my savior came into my life through my Savior. They are intertwined. One is a man, and he sometimes fails me. We do not live in heaven, but on earth. One is my God, and He is always true to me. It took the love of a man to show me the love of my God. How grateful I am to them both. For I was stained as red as crimson, but now they have washed me white as snow. They protect me and care for me like no one I have ever known, and I did nothing to deserve any of it. Hosea 14:9, "Let those who are wise understand these things. Let those who are discerning listen carefully. The paths of the LORD are true and right, and righteous people live by wanking in them."
Most people when they initially think of marriages in the bible and how husband are supposed to treat their wives, they probably turn to Ephesians. This is not true for me. I turn to Hosea. My first true glimpse of God was through my husband. Just going over this in my mind, tears are streaming down my face. I cannot express the feelings that I feel for this man. He is my lover. He is my dream come true. I was Gomer. There was nothing holy about my life and this man, who I thought of as my adversary, took me in.
Hosea 2, "But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there... In that coming day, says the Lord, you will call me 'my husband' instead of my master. ...I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as LORD."
In all of this, I will try my best not to sound sacrilegious, but my husband is my lord. He is the first true glimpse of Christ for me. I worship him as my husband and my lover. He took me in, when there was nothing about me that was to be loved and he loved me better than I could have ever imagined. He is my heavy lifter, my rock and my shelter. When I think of being Christ's bride, it excites me, because I know how a man has loved me, I cannot imagine how truly wonderful His love must feel. Isn't this how it is supposed to be. We are supposed to feel so completely taken away by our lover that we would do anything for them and they would do anything for us. This is how I feel about my husband and my Lord. God knew that I needed to be able to feel His love and experience His strength, so He gave me the strongest man that I have ever met.
In the beginning I was fighting so hard against my husband and my God. I did not want him, I hated men. I saw him as weak and pathetic. My Lord opened my eyes to Him, through his strength. My Lord came into my life trough my lord and my savior came into my life through my Savior. They are intertwined. One is a man, and he sometimes fails me. We do not live in heaven, but on earth. One is my God, and He is always true to me. It took the love of a man to show me the love of my God. How grateful I am to them both. For I was stained as red as crimson, but now they have washed me white as snow. They protect me and care for me like no one I have ever known, and I did nothing to deserve any of it. Hosea 14:9, "Let those who are wise understand these things. Let those who are discerning listen carefully. The paths of the LORD are true and right, and righteous people live by wanking in them."
Friday, November 14, 2008
Anointing His Feet
Luke 7:38ff, "A certain immoral woman heard He was there and brought a beautiful jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind Him at His feet, weeping. Her tears fell on His feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing His feet and putting perfume on them... Then Jesus told him this story; 'A man loaned money to two people- five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?' Simon answered, 'I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.' ...I tell you, her sins- and they are many- have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows little love."
How easily we can forget what our Lord has done for us as individuals. Yesterday morning, I woke up and had "spiritual moments with God" on my mind. I wanted the morning to run smoothly, so that I could spend my time with God. My morning went anywhere but smooth. My children were not "respecting my time" and I lost it. Well I didn't loose it and take it out on them, but I lost it. I came down stairs to write and my husband needed to email something for work. What was going on? I needed "my time." I stopped what I was doing and ran to take a shower, for fear that I would lose it on them. I lost it in the shower! I fell to my knees and cried, begging God to help me. So he sent my husband, to interrupt "my" shower time. My husband came in and pulled back the shower curtain and began to talk to me. He told me, very nicely and lovingly, to calm down and everything would be fine, "I just needed to go and get the boys hair cut and run by the office and once I got my mind off of "myself" everything would be fine." Stab. I wasn't thinking about myself, I wanted to spend time with God! Oh, how right he was. It wasn't that God was interrupted, it was that I was interrupted.
"Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Jesus didn't tell the woman to work at having a relationship with Him. He said to "go in peace." He didn't pull me out of the darkness to be blind to His love. He saved me so that I could live every day, every moment in peace. I shouldn't have to rely on "my" time. I am to rely on Him, in His time. Most of the time I can do this, but when I get myself on my mind; things go wrong.
Often people ask me about going back to my old life. If it is hard for me to stay away from my formal addictions. In the moment I often do not give them the answer that I truly believe. My answers, depending on the one asking, will usually go, "No, I like my life now; I wouldn't be a good witness to anyone if I did; No, that one more time may turn into all of the time..." When in reality; when I really think about it; these are not the true reasons that I would not want to get caught up in that life again. I don't want the addictions because I do not want them to get in the way of my relationship with my Lord. Sometimes I get caught up in the time when I can spend alone with God, but in reality it is not about the time. It is about my relationship with Him. I cannot thank Him enough for what He has done for me.
My God came to this earth as a dirty baby, being born with the animals. He walked on this ground being covered in dust. He died an atrocious, demeaning death. He fought with death for three days and conquered it, for me. He graciously allows me to cry at His feet, then He clamly and lovingly tells me to "go in peace." How thankful I am that I can have a relationship with my Lord. There is nothing here on earth worth losing that relationship for. As long as I am not thinking about what "I" want, then I can live everyday in peace. "Wisdom is shown to be right by the lives of those who follow it." Every day is new, and every day I must ask myself, am I living with wisdom as my guide? Am I letting God speak to me and guide me? Are you?
How easily we can forget what our Lord has done for us as individuals. Yesterday morning, I woke up and had "spiritual moments with God" on my mind. I wanted the morning to run smoothly, so that I could spend my time with God. My morning went anywhere but smooth. My children were not "respecting my time" and I lost it. Well I didn't loose it and take it out on them, but I lost it. I came down stairs to write and my husband needed to email something for work. What was going on? I needed "my time." I stopped what I was doing and ran to take a shower, for fear that I would lose it on them. I lost it in the shower! I fell to my knees and cried, begging God to help me. So he sent my husband, to interrupt "my" shower time. My husband came in and pulled back the shower curtain and began to talk to me. He told me, very nicely and lovingly, to calm down and everything would be fine, "I just needed to go and get the boys hair cut and run by the office and once I got my mind off of "myself" everything would be fine." Stab. I wasn't thinking about myself, I wanted to spend time with God! Oh, how right he was. It wasn't that God was interrupted, it was that I was interrupted.
"Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Jesus didn't tell the woman to work at having a relationship with Him. He said to "go in peace." He didn't pull me out of the darkness to be blind to His love. He saved me so that I could live every day, every moment in peace. I shouldn't have to rely on "my" time. I am to rely on Him, in His time. Most of the time I can do this, but when I get myself on my mind; things go wrong.
Often people ask me about going back to my old life. If it is hard for me to stay away from my formal addictions. In the moment I often do not give them the answer that I truly believe. My answers, depending on the one asking, will usually go, "No, I like my life now; I wouldn't be a good witness to anyone if I did; No, that one more time may turn into all of the time..." When in reality; when I really think about it; these are not the true reasons that I would not want to get caught up in that life again. I don't want the addictions because I do not want them to get in the way of my relationship with my Lord. Sometimes I get caught up in the time when I can spend alone with God, but in reality it is not about the time. It is about my relationship with Him. I cannot thank Him enough for what He has done for me.
My God came to this earth as a dirty baby, being born with the animals. He walked on this ground being covered in dust. He died an atrocious, demeaning death. He fought with death for three days and conquered it, for me. He graciously allows me to cry at His feet, then He clamly and lovingly tells me to "go in peace." How thankful I am that I can have a relationship with my Lord. There is nothing here on earth worth losing that relationship for. As long as I am not thinking about what "I" want, then I can live everyday in peace. "Wisdom is shown to be right by the lives of those who follow it." Every day is new, and every day I must ask myself, am I living with wisdom as my guide? Am I letting God speak to me and guide me? Are you?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Mary
The first two chapters of Luke are dedicated to a young woman from Nazareth, Mary. She was a virgin, engaged to Joseph who was a descendant of King David. The angel Gabriel appeared to her and said, "Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you! ...for God has decided to bless you! You will become pregnant and have a son, and you are to name Him Jesus..." Mary's response, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever He wants. May everything you have said come true."
"You are blessed, because you believed that the Lord would do what He said," Elizabeth told her. Mary responded, "Oh, how I praise the Lord. How I rejoice in God my Savior! For He took notice of His lowly servant girl,... For He, the Mighty One, is holy, and He has done great things for me. His mercy goes on from generation to generation, to all who fear Him. His mighty arm does tremendous things!... He has satisfied the hungry with good things... And how He has helped His servant Israel! He has not forgotten His promise to be merciful." After Jesus was born, everyone who saw the new baby were very excited, "but Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and thought about them often."
Mary had received the most exhilarating news. She was to be the mother of our Lord! What an awesome privilege to a woman of God. But with this privilege came many heartaches. Heartaches that no other could ever carry, and joys that no other could imagine. Mary was the only one at the birth of Christ, who was also present at His death. "She saw Him arrive as her baby son, and she watched Him die as her Savior."
How awesome it would have been to have received such a privilege. Many times we think of the wonderful privilege that God gave to Mary. How many times to do we truly think of the struggles, responsibility, and heart ache that this privilege brought. In the beginnings of the moment, before the truth was reveled, it seemed like nothing could go wrong. How exciting to be the mother of the true King. What her dreams for her son must have been like! He was the one who was to conquer their enemies. He was the one that would save them all. The catch is that no one can know the the path that God is going to take. He does things differently than we anticipate. What we think is best for us; often is not. No one knows the method of God. But she entered the task with this response, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept what ever He wants."
Mary knew the ways of the Lord in that, she knew the scripture and she knew His love. She quoted the Old Testament as she praised God for giving her such a gift. She knew Him enough to know He would help her through what ever was to come. She was willing to be available to God. She was an ordinary young woman that relied on her Lord. As I look at Mary, I have to look at her faith. She was a mother like I am a mother. She was called by God to raise His Son. She had the good fortune in raising a King, and "she quietly treasured these things in her heart." I must ask myself: Am I available to be used by God? Am I willing to be His servant? Does it matter what pain I must endure, in order to serve God? Even through the pain, am I still going to praise Him as my Lord? Can I look past the "right now" and see His good deeds working for His glory? Can I embrace every moment and cherish Him in my heart?
"You are blessed, because you believed that the Lord would do what He said," Elizabeth told her. Mary responded, "Oh, how I praise the Lord. How I rejoice in God my Savior! For He took notice of His lowly servant girl,... For He, the Mighty One, is holy, and He has done great things for me. His mercy goes on from generation to generation, to all who fear Him. His mighty arm does tremendous things!... He has satisfied the hungry with good things... And how He has helped His servant Israel! He has not forgotten His promise to be merciful." After Jesus was born, everyone who saw the new baby were very excited, "but Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and thought about them often."
Mary had received the most exhilarating news. She was to be the mother of our Lord! What an awesome privilege to a woman of God. But with this privilege came many heartaches. Heartaches that no other could ever carry, and joys that no other could imagine. Mary was the only one at the birth of Christ, who was also present at His death. "She saw Him arrive as her baby son, and she watched Him die as her Savior."
How awesome it would have been to have received such a privilege. Many times we think of the wonderful privilege that God gave to Mary. How many times to do we truly think of the struggles, responsibility, and heart ache that this privilege brought. In the beginnings of the moment, before the truth was reveled, it seemed like nothing could go wrong. How exciting to be the mother of the true King. What her dreams for her son must have been like! He was the one who was to conquer their enemies. He was the one that would save them all. The catch is that no one can know the the path that God is going to take. He does things differently than we anticipate. What we think is best for us; often is not. No one knows the method of God. But she entered the task with this response, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept what ever He wants."
Mary knew the ways of the Lord in that, she knew the scripture and she knew His love. She quoted the Old Testament as she praised God for giving her such a gift. She knew Him enough to know He would help her through what ever was to come. She was willing to be available to God. She was an ordinary young woman that relied on her Lord. As I look at Mary, I have to look at her faith. She was a mother like I am a mother. She was called by God to raise His Son. She had the good fortune in raising a King, and "she quietly treasured these things in her heart." I must ask myself: Am I available to be used by God? Am I willing to be His servant? Does it matter what pain I must endure, in order to serve God? Even through the pain, am I still going to praise Him as my Lord? Can I look past the "right now" and see His good deeds working for His glory? Can I embrace every moment and cherish Him in my heart?
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Intercession
Isaiah 53, "Who has believed our message? To whom will the LORD reveal His saving power? ...I will give Him the honors of one who is mighty and great, because He exposed Himself to death. He was counted among those who were sinners. He bore the sins of many and interceded for sinners."
Last night I was able to spend a short amount of time with a friend, in rejoicing with her in her new home. She is a young woman that has had a hard path to God. She does not yet see the full reward of His love, but she is experiencing it. I met her one day while I was driving in town. She was walking and I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to give her a ride. We have been friends ever since. We would continually run into each other and we have remained in each others lives; not because of anything that we were doing, but because of God. She does not know it, but I have been praying for God to reveal Himself to her heart for over a year now, every day. I pray for her and through my prayers I have felt a very powerful bond with her, I love her with His love.
Genesis 15:17, "As the sun went down and it became dark, Abram saw a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch pass between the halves of the carcasses. So the LORD made a covenant with Abram that day..." In the old customs when a covenant was made, the ones making the pledge would take an animal, cut it in half and walk between the pieces. What this was saying was, "If I do not fulfill my pledge to you, then you can do this to me; If you do not fulfill your pledge, I can do this to you." When God made the covenant with Abram, only God passed through; He knew that Abram and his descendants could never fulfill their end. So God took on the whole covenant responsibilities Himself. Jesus was the fulfillment of God's covenant. Isaiah 53:11ff, "When He sees all that is accomplished by His anguish, He will be satisfied. And because of what He has experienced, my Righteous Servant will bear all their sins...He bore the sins of many and interceded for sinners."
Christ has interceded for all of us. Mark 14:24, Jesus said, "This is My blood, poured out for many, sealing the covenant between God and His people." My sins were many, but He bore them all for me. When we pray for others we do not know what they need. I do not know what my friend needs, but God does. I pray for her, then the Holy Spirit takes over from there. Romans 8:26ff, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words...the Spirit pleads for us...For God knew his people in advance and He chose them to become like His Son...And having chosen them, He called them to come to Him."
When I pulled over that rainy day and picked up this woman that I did not know, God knew her. I listened to Him and have been praying for her ever since. We do not have to do anything. Jesus has already done it all. All that we have to do is to lift up a name to Him; the Holy Spirit intercedes for us; and Jesus works. He has paid the price that we owed. We could have never fulfilled our end of the agreement, so He walked though it for us. He has already interceded for us, our part is to love and walk in His love. We are to pray. We do not have to pray specifics, the Holy Spirit does that part for us.
Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest", This morning!! "The Spirit of God uses the nature of the believer as a temple in which to offer His prayers of intercession. '...your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit...' Have we come to realize that our 'body is the temple of the Holy Spirit'? ...We have to remember that our conscious life, even though only a small part of our total person, is to be regarded by us as a 'temple of the Holy Spirit.' He will be responsible for the unconscious part which we don't know..." We are responsible for the things that we know. When we pray, He takes care of the part that we do not understand. Pray so that God can work for others in their lives...Stay open to God, so that He can work in your life. Christ has paid the price for all of us. He interceded, when we needed it the most. God knows His children; He is calling you to be like His Son. Pray and the Holy Spirit will intercede for you.
Last night I was able to spend a short amount of time with a friend, in rejoicing with her in her new home. She is a young woman that has had a hard path to God. She does not yet see the full reward of His love, but she is experiencing it. I met her one day while I was driving in town. She was walking and I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to give her a ride. We have been friends ever since. We would continually run into each other and we have remained in each others lives; not because of anything that we were doing, but because of God. She does not know it, but I have been praying for God to reveal Himself to her heart for over a year now, every day. I pray for her and through my prayers I have felt a very powerful bond with her, I love her with His love.
Genesis 15:17, "As the sun went down and it became dark, Abram saw a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch pass between the halves of the carcasses. So the LORD made a covenant with Abram that day..." In the old customs when a covenant was made, the ones making the pledge would take an animal, cut it in half and walk between the pieces. What this was saying was, "If I do not fulfill my pledge to you, then you can do this to me; If you do not fulfill your pledge, I can do this to you." When God made the covenant with Abram, only God passed through; He knew that Abram and his descendants could never fulfill their end. So God took on the whole covenant responsibilities Himself. Jesus was the fulfillment of God's covenant. Isaiah 53:11ff, "When He sees all that is accomplished by His anguish, He will be satisfied. And because of what He has experienced, my Righteous Servant will bear all their sins...He bore the sins of many and interceded for sinners."
Christ has interceded for all of us. Mark 14:24, Jesus said, "This is My blood, poured out for many, sealing the covenant between God and His people." My sins were many, but He bore them all for me. When we pray for others we do not know what they need. I do not know what my friend needs, but God does. I pray for her, then the Holy Spirit takes over from there. Romans 8:26ff, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words...the Spirit pleads for us...For God knew his people in advance and He chose them to become like His Son...And having chosen them, He called them to come to Him."
When I pulled over that rainy day and picked up this woman that I did not know, God knew her. I listened to Him and have been praying for her ever since. We do not have to do anything. Jesus has already done it all. All that we have to do is to lift up a name to Him; the Holy Spirit intercedes for us; and Jesus works. He has paid the price that we owed. We could have never fulfilled our end of the agreement, so He walked though it for us. He has already interceded for us, our part is to love and walk in His love. We are to pray. We do not have to pray specifics, the Holy Spirit does that part for us.
Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest", This morning!! "The Spirit of God uses the nature of the believer as a temple in which to offer His prayers of intercession. '...your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit...' Have we come to realize that our 'body is the temple of the Holy Spirit'? ...We have to remember that our conscious life, even though only a small part of our total person, is to be regarded by us as a 'temple of the Holy Spirit.' He will be responsible for the unconscious part which we don't know..." We are responsible for the things that we know. When we pray, He takes care of the part that we do not understand. Pray so that God can work for others in their lives...Stay open to God, so that He can work in your life. Christ has paid the price for all of us. He interceded, when we needed it the most. God knows His children; He is calling you to be like His Son. Pray and the Holy Spirit will intercede for you.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Agape Love
This morning, I started the morning a little differently than usual. I have no rules to my worship time with God, that is precious time between us, no rules needed. I started by turning on the TV. On Wednesday nights Beth Moore is on and I had recorded her talking. I watched her instead. Proverbs 19:20, "Get all the advice and instruction you can, and be wise the rest of your life." So this writing comes from Beth Moore and myself.
Proverbs 19:22 (NIV), "What a man desires is unfailing love;" We are all made of DNA. I am a woman and nothing can change that fact. My husband is a man and there is nothing to change that. God is love and their is nothing that we can do to change Him either. He is love. We do not deserve His love; we can never make Him stop loving us, it is who He is. We have to rely on God to love us and we have to rely on God for us to love others. 1 Jn 4:18ff, "...We love each other as a result of His loving us first." We must rely on God's love in us, to love others. He has given us His love, so that we can go out and love others. We are not mere men, we are filled with Christ. We are free to love because Christ first loved us. I don't come to people to be loved; I love them because He loves me. I don't sit around and wait for others to love me, I fill my day with His love so that I can love others. It is not about what others can give me, I am so full. It is about what I can give back to them because He has given it to me. Do you get it? Rom 5:5, "For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love." I can't love with a human heart. I must love them with God.
Psalm 51:10-13, "Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me..." This does not say heal my broken heart, but create a new heart for me. "Restore to me again the joy of your salvation and make me willing to obey You. Then I will teach your ways to sinners, and they will return to You." What is the way of God? It is love, His kind of love. Make me new God! Create in me a new heart, so that I can love others with Your love. That way You can love them, through me.
Acts 9:4, "Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting Me?" When we hurt one of God's children, you are hurting God. When you show love to them, you are loving God. When you know and rely on the love God has for you, you can learn to love with God's love.
There are two kinds of love talked about in the bible, Agape love and Philos love. Agape love is based on what is best for that person. We love them how they need to be loved. Philos love is based on common interest, friendship love. It doesn't matter how others treat you, love them with Agape love.
"You will get into the biggest mess of your life if you love unhealthy people the way they want to be loved." I know this is true. I loved my ex-husband the way that he wanted me to love him, and it almost destroyed the both of us. You cannot be a false savior for someone. Other people are not your Savior, either. Sometimes you must pull back, so that Christ can move in. Other times you must move in, so that they can feel Christ through you. Love others with the love of Christ. When you love someone, you are not loving them to get something from them; you are loving them to show them the love of Christ. How are you loving someone today?
Proverbs 19:22 (NIV), "What a man desires is unfailing love;" We are all made of DNA. I am a woman and nothing can change that fact. My husband is a man and there is nothing to change that. God is love and their is nothing that we can do to change Him either. He is love. We do not deserve His love; we can never make Him stop loving us, it is who He is. We have to rely on God to love us and we have to rely on God for us to love others. 1 Jn 4:18ff, "...We love each other as a result of His loving us first." We must rely on God's love in us, to love others. He has given us His love, so that we can go out and love others. We are not mere men, we are filled with Christ. We are free to love because Christ first loved us. I don't come to people to be loved; I love them because He loves me. I don't sit around and wait for others to love me, I fill my day with His love so that I can love others. It is not about what others can give me, I am so full. It is about what I can give back to them because He has given it to me. Do you get it? Rom 5:5, "For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love." I can't love with a human heart. I must love them with God.
Psalm 51:10-13, "Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me..." This does not say heal my broken heart, but create a new heart for me. "Restore to me again the joy of your salvation and make me willing to obey You. Then I will teach your ways to sinners, and they will return to You." What is the way of God? It is love, His kind of love. Make me new God! Create in me a new heart, so that I can love others with Your love. That way You can love them, through me.
Acts 9:4, "Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting Me?" When we hurt one of God's children, you are hurting God. When you show love to them, you are loving God. When you know and rely on the love God has for you, you can learn to love with God's love.
There are two kinds of love talked about in the bible, Agape love and Philos love. Agape love is based on what is best for that person. We love them how they need to be loved. Philos love is based on common interest, friendship love. It doesn't matter how others treat you, love them with Agape love.
"You will get into the biggest mess of your life if you love unhealthy people the way they want to be loved." I know this is true. I loved my ex-husband the way that he wanted me to love him, and it almost destroyed the both of us. You cannot be a false savior for someone. Other people are not your Savior, either. Sometimes you must pull back, so that Christ can move in. Other times you must move in, so that they can feel Christ through you. Love others with the love of Christ. When you love someone, you are not loving them to get something from them; you are loving them to show them the love of Christ. How are you loving someone today?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Love God
Mark 12:29-31, Jesus replied, "The most important commandment is this: 'Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.' The second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these."
As Jesus entered Jerusalem, right before he was killed, the crowds loved Him. Mark 11: 1-11, "...He was in the center of the procession, and the crowds all around Him were shouting, 'Praise God! Bless the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Bless the coming kingdom of our ancestor David! Praise God in the highest heaven!"
What does it mean to love the Lord your God? What can we tell of our love? How do we know we love God? These are the questions that we must ask ourselves. Many people are praising God. They are excited about what the future holds for them. This is a time of critical change for our Nation, but are we praising God. Is God truly the center of that praise? Romans 13: 8-14, "Pay all your debts, except the debt of love for others. You can never finish paying that! If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill all the requirements of God's law. For the commandments against adultery and murder and stealing and coveting- and any other commandment- are all summed up in this one commandment: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Love does no wrong to anyone, so love satisfies all of God's requirements...Wake up...The night is almost gone; the day of salvation will soon be here. So don't live in darkness. Get rid of your evil deeds. Shed them like dirty clothes. Clothe yourselves with the armor of right living, as those who live in the light. We should be decent and true in everything we do, so that everyone can approve of our behavior. Don't participate in wild parties and getting drunk, or in adultery and immoral living, or in fighting and jealousy. But let the Lord Jesus Christ take control of you, and don't think of ways to indulge your evil desires."
You know you are loving God, by how you are living your daily life! You cannot say you love God, then turn around and join in with the majority. The road to Christ is narrow. You will not be surrounded by masses, if you are living for Him. You will stand out in the crowd, because you will not agree with the popular belief. Everything around us changes. What is popular now will not be popular tomorrow. Malachi 3:6, "I am the Lord, and I do not change." If you are constantly changing your mind; If you do not stand with Christ and His beliefs; If you do not base your decisions on Christ, first, then who are you standing with? The Lord is stable. He will not change. He has His own rules and He is the author of the rules. We must stand with God, for if we are not for Him, then we are against Him.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength." If you do this you will make the right decisions in every day circumstances. You will not cause harm to any of God's children. You will do your best to walk with integrity. If you love God, you will love all people. This does not mean that we side with all of the people, people can quickly turn on you and harm you, but we love everyone. If you love, then you do not have to worry about breaking any of the other commandments. If you love, then you will do as God desires you to do, in everything that you do. Look at your life; Look at your beliefs, do you side with God? Do you love Him?
As Jesus entered Jerusalem, right before he was killed, the crowds loved Him. Mark 11: 1-11, "...He was in the center of the procession, and the crowds all around Him were shouting, 'Praise God! Bless the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Bless the coming kingdom of our ancestor David! Praise God in the highest heaven!"
What does it mean to love the Lord your God? What can we tell of our love? How do we know we love God? These are the questions that we must ask ourselves. Many people are praising God. They are excited about what the future holds for them. This is a time of critical change for our Nation, but are we praising God. Is God truly the center of that praise? Romans 13: 8-14, "Pay all your debts, except the debt of love for others. You can never finish paying that! If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill all the requirements of God's law. For the commandments against adultery and murder and stealing and coveting- and any other commandment- are all summed up in this one commandment: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Love does no wrong to anyone, so love satisfies all of God's requirements...Wake up...The night is almost gone; the day of salvation will soon be here. So don't live in darkness. Get rid of your evil deeds. Shed them like dirty clothes. Clothe yourselves with the armor of right living, as those who live in the light. We should be decent and true in everything we do, so that everyone can approve of our behavior. Don't participate in wild parties and getting drunk, or in adultery and immoral living, or in fighting and jealousy. But let the Lord Jesus Christ take control of you, and don't think of ways to indulge your evil desires."
You know you are loving God, by how you are living your daily life! You cannot say you love God, then turn around and join in with the majority. The road to Christ is narrow. You will not be surrounded by masses, if you are living for Him. You will stand out in the crowd, because you will not agree with the popular belief. Everything around us changes. What is popular now will not be popular tomorrow. Malachi 3:6, "I am the Lord, and I do not change." If you are constantly changing your mind; If you do not stand with Christ and His beliefs; If you do not base your decisions on Christ, first, then who are you standing with? The Lord is stable. He will not change. He has His own rules and He is the author of the rules. We must stand with God, for if we are not for Him, then we are against Him.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength." If you do this you will make the right decisions in every day circumstances. You will not cause harm to any of God's children. You will do your best to walk with integrity. If you love God, you will love all people. This does not mean that we side with all of the people, people can quickly turn on you and harm you, but we love everyone. If you love, then you do not have to worry about breaking any of the other commandments. If you love, then you will do as God desires you to do, in everything that you do. Look at your life; Look at your beliefs, do you side with God? Do you love Him?
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Trust of a Child
I have two little boys, they both possess very different personalities. My oldest son is more reserved and thinks about things before he does them. He is more like his father. My youngest son has more of my personality. There is no thought of what he is doing, he just does it. When I ask my oldest son to jump in my arms, he looks around then looks at me and knows that I will catch him. My youngest son does not even wait for me to get ready, he just jumps. I look at them and their faith in me and I know that I am the one who will guide them into their faith with God.
Mark 10:13-16, "One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so He could touch them and bless them, but the disciples told them not to bother Him. But when Jesus saw what was happening, He was very displeased with His disciples. He said to them, 'Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you, anyone who doesn't have their kind of faith will never get into the Kingdom of God.' Then He took the children into His arms and placed His hands on their heads and blessed them."
When I look at my children, my faith is tested. No matter what is happening, my faith is tested! In disciplining them, my faith is tested. In teaching them, my faith is tested. In playing with them; in loving on them; in just being in the same house with them, my faith is tested. In watching their faith in me, my faith is tested. In watching their love of God and their belief in Him, my faith is tested.
Jesus loves the children; there is no real doubt in their hearts about Him. They believe Him and they know that He loves them. When I tell my boys to jump into my arms, they know that I will catch them. They know that I want the best for them. They know this and yet I make mistakes. They know this and yet they see me when I fail, but they still believe in me. My youngest son will walk around and when he sees a cross or a church, he will say out of no where, "I love God." He believe and yet he has never seen God. He trusts in God like He trusts in me, yet I will fail him and God never will. My children test my faith. Do I have faith in Jesus like my children have faith in me? If God says, "jump," do I? When God disciplines me, do I know that He loves me and is trying to keep me from more harm? Do I feel secure and safe, because I know He is right here with me, where ever I am? Do I have faith like my children?
There is so much to this one little story. Jesus is calling us to have faith like little children. He wants us to trust Him, to believe in Him. He wants us to feel secure and for us to know that He loves us and wants the best for us. He is also calling us to a higher standard so that we do not hinder the children's faith. How I treat my children; how I react to certain things; how I show my faith, these are all ways that I can either strengthen their faith or harm them. He wants the best for us and for our children. He wants me to trust Him like my children trust. I should not ever be afraid of taking a step with God. Even if I miscalculate my jump, He will catch me. My children believe in me and they know that I am not perfect, how much more should I trust in my God, who is perfect.
Mark 10:13-16, "One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so He could touch them and bless them, but the disciples told them not to bother Him. But when Jesus saw what was happening, He was very displeased with His disciples. He said to them, 'Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you, anyone who doesn't have their kind of faith will never get into the Kingdom of God.' Then He took the children into His arms and placed His hands on their heads and blessed them."
When I look at my children, my faith is tested. No matter what is happening, my faith is tested! In disciplining them, my faith is tested. In teaching them, my faith is tested. In playing with them; in loving on them; in just being in the same house with them, my faith is tested. In watching their faith in me, my faith is tested. In watching their love of God and their belief in Him, my faith is tested.
Jesus loves the children; there is no real doubt in their hearts about Him. They believe Him and they know that He loves them. When I tell my boys to jump into my arms, they know that I will catch them. They know that I want the best for them. They know this and yet I make mistakes. They know this and yet they see me when I fail, but they still believe in me. My youngest son will walk around and when he sees a cross or a church, he will say out of no where, "I love God." He believe and yet he has never seen God. He trusts in God like He trusts in me, yet I will fail him and God never will. My children test my faith. Do I have faith in Jesus like my children have faith in me? If God says, "jump," do I? When God disciplines me, do I know that He loves me and is trying to keep me from more harm? Do I feel secure and safe, because I know He is right here with me, where ever I am? Do I have faith like my children?
There is so much to this one little story. Jesus is calling us to have faith like little children. He wants us to trust Him, to believe in Him. He wants us to feel secure and for us to know that He loves us and wants the best for us. He is also calling us to a higher standard so that we do not hinder the children's faith. How I treat my children; how I react to certain things; how I show my faith, these are all ways that I can either strengthen their faith or harm them. He wants the best for us and for our children. He wants me to trust Him like my children trust. I should not ever be afraid of taking a step with God. Even if I miscalculate my jump, He will catch me. My children believe in me and they know that I am not perfect, how much more should I trust in my God, who is perfect.
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