Religious, I Don't Think So

I felt a sting today, something that I did not see coming. Someone that I do not know yet, but they saw my profile on Face Book, addressed me as religious. I seem to always get a sour feeling within, when I am put in that mold. The last thing that I see myself as, is religious. Yes, I talk a lot about God, but religious I am not. Let me explain, if I can. Never did Christ ask us to become religious. He asked us to love Him and others around us. You see, I am not religious, but in love. How does anyone stop talking about the one they are in love with? Young girls concentrate all of their energy and conversations toward their boyfriends. If anyone asks them if they can talk about anything else, their reply is always, "but I am in love." Teenage love, how powerful, how strong. Yet, how fleeting. My love is so strong, so powerful, and lasting. My lover has found me. He called me to be His and to love Him with all of my heart. I think it would be a disgrace to Him if I did not tell others about my love for Him, but please do not confuse this love with being religious.

All of this is really still relatively new to me. This strong love walk started about 4 years ago, when I started seeking Him in the mornings. He grabbed hold of me about 8 years ago and started to change my life, but it was in my early morning hours that I started to fall in love with Him. My love walk started, with me seeking Him, after He had already caught me. Luke 11:9, “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." I knew that just going to church on Sunday mornings was not enough for me. While I need to be in the company of believers, religion was not what I needed. So I started asking Him, begging Him, to reveal Himself to me. And He did! This is when I fell in love.

My Lord, my groom, my love walks with me. He is always right beside me. Psalm 16:5-9, "Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine. The land you have given me is a pleasant land. What a wonderful inheritance! I will bless the Lord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety."

I know what this life is like without my lover, and that journey I never wish to take alone again! Psalm 18:4-6, "The ropes of death entangled me; floods of destruction swept over me. The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path. But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary; my cry to Him reached His ears." You see, at just the right time, He heard me. At just the right time, He saved me. Romans 5:6,"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." At just the right time, He rescued me. So you tell me, how can I stop praising Him for all He has done for me? For He loved me first, while I was still unlovable.

As I look back on my life, my darkest hours were spent alone, without Christ cheering me on. My most glorious moments have been spent with Him walking with me, and sometimes, carrying me forward. In this body I have experience pain and pleasure, but now that I really know Him, how could I even take my next breadth alone. He is my Lover, Redeemer, Savior, My Lord. And as I look forward to all the uncertainties this life will offer, I can place my next step with confidence, because I know who is walking beside me. Thank You Lord, for loving me first, while I was still so unlovable...

Unanswered Prayers

I really want to be able to do this... it may take some time.

The other day I asked to be healed. I have been asking this of God for some time, but the other day I took it to our church. James 5:14, "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well..." So, I did this in faith. We got together and prayer in faith was offered. I just knew that I would walk out of that room a healed woman. I found so much healing there, but what I was asking for, I did not find! I still cannot use my hands. I have to type using one finger at a time. So trust me this is taking some time. I left that room with so many different feelings, but healed was not one of them.

Why? Why does He tell us to come to Him, if He has no intention of answering us? Why does He ask me to put my heart on the line, and trust that I will be healed "instantly?" I come in prayer, fasting, and faith. Does He hear me? Does He care?

These were some of my questions that night and the next morning. I cried in anguish. My heart was broken and my body still dead. But as I cried, my Lord was with me, and I could hear Him. "You are my child. Do you love Me?" Yes Lord, you know that I love you. "Do you know that I love you?" Yes Jesus, I know that You love me. My tears were a steady stream flowing from my face, out of my heart. As the conversation continued, my pain was felt, and my Lord revealed.

I know my Lord. I know what it is like to be truly alone, with no one to hear me cry. I now have a relationship with my Father, and I know that He hears me, for I hear Him. The next night we had the Christmas Eve service at church. When I got there my spirits were better, but my heart was still heavy. Then the service began, and in that worship my joy was renewed. I felt the life of Christ restoring my heart, and I was risen again in Him. It is really not about me. It is not about his birth, miracles He preformed, or the life He led. It is about the Cross. I am sanctified, washed, saved, healed, restored, made new and whole again; all because of the Cross. I am saved because He lived, died, and rose again. He conquered death for me. He paid the debt I owe. I am truly a blessed woman, because I am His child.

My life is renewed and my joy is complete in Him, but I will not stop asking, hoping, and praying for my total physical restoration. He wants me to come to Him with every need. I need to be able to talk with my Lord. I need to know that I am not alone and that He cares. I do this through my prayers with Him. Luke 18:1-8, "Then Jesus told His disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: 'In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.' For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' And the Lord said, 'Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?"

"Oh my God, how I love You. Even when I feel You are not answering my request, I know You are here. Thank You, for being the God that I love and know. Even if in my body I suffer, I am not alone. I thank You most for this. Thank You, for saving me through the Cross. Thank You for loving me more. My request is still the same. Please heal my body, restore the feeling to my hands. But until then, I will sing about my joy in You. I will wait in You, until You heal me..."

Opened Eyes

Genesis 3, "NOW THE serpent was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the Lord God had made. And he [Satan] said to the woman, Can it really be that God has said, You shall not eat from every tree of the garden? And the woman said to the serpent, We may eat the fruit from the trees of the garden, except the fruit from the tree which is in the middle of the garden. God has said, You shall not eat of it, neither shall you touch it, lest you die. But the serpent said to the woman, You shall not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing the difference between good and evil and blessing and calamity. And when the woman saw that the tree was good (suitable, pleasant) for food and that it was delightful to look at, and a tree to be desired in order to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she gave some also to her husband, and he ate."

Every day we are being tempted to know more and do more. For some reason we feel like we will at least be more wise, if we "experience" life. Well, I do feel like I know more now because of the choices that I have made. I know more and I hurt more.

“There are some places you and I ought not to go. There are some things you and I ought not entertain with our eyes. There are some experiences we ought not to reach out and touch. Because almost like a paper thin cut, that can communicate dreadful diseases into the body- there are choices we may make that may seem rather innocuous in the beginning which can be devastating in the long run. Till you yourself will be asking, 'what am I doing here?'” (RZ)

There are some places that I should have never gone. I have seen and done things that no one should ever see or do. Like Eve, I should have never tasted that fruit. Our continual search to become more knowledgeable like God draws us further and further from the truth. Until, we are faced with our own nakedness and shame. Then we no longer hold our head high for fear that "everyone" knows.

Satan is telling lies. I see him lying and deceiving everyone into thinking that today's decision will not affect tomorrow. Our youth are tricked into tasting fruit, they should never taste. Our girls are selling their bodies; most for just someone to tell them they are pretty. Our boys are wrecking their thought life, by not accepting the role they were made for, and becoming strong in themselves. Both are destroying their future fulfillment with sex by their choice in movies, pornography, and where they go for fun. We have all been deceived and are suffering the consequences for our sin. Then those who are older tend to be so ashamed they keep quiet while they watch others stepping into the same trap. Or they point a condemning finger at those who are younger and tell them they are a fool, instead of sharing truth about their own pain. We have become a society of voyeurs. We think that if we are watching someone else do it, then it is not hurting us and it is none of our business. But in reality, what we allow into our hearts, through our eyes and ears, is what we become.

Guard your hearts, for it is the well spring of life. There are some places that you should never go. There are some things that you should never entertain with your eyes or your body. I have a blessed life now with Christ, but there are just some things that I wish I did not know. Run from the lies you are being fed. Hide your eyes from what seems so pleasing. Guard your hearts so that your life will be free.

Wife / Slave

1 Peter 2:18-25, "You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you—not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment...For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps. (3:1-6) In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives...."

Many times people see marriages, as marriages, but there is another side. Sometimes when you are married, you are not in a marriage, but you find that you are a slave. That kind of marriage is the hardest, for you are bound in slavery to the one that said they would love and cherish you. You are bound in slavery, and in slavery, there is really no justice or fairness. You are a slave to the temper, evil desires, and cruelty of another person. I would have to say that being under the title of wife is the cruelest part. When your husband is neglectful, mean, and selfish you find yourself in the loneliest place. Mainly because others are saying that you are not alone, he is with you. But what they do not see is the severe suffering that someone in that position is going through.

The hardest thing is to do what we should, even if the other person is wrong. In our obedience, we are to obey God first. He is our true master, but then give our husbands the respect they have obtained by the title they carry. So I give this charge to you women, who have found that you are actually slaves. Learn who Christ is. Learn how He would act, so you can respond as He would respond. Get on your knees and pray to your savior to come and rescue you. He will hear your prayers. He will give you the strength that you need to endure and make the appropriate choices. I failed on this charge, for I sinned in my obedience to my husband. With my sin in our marriage, I found that I was the one that was wrong. Don't do this. Gain strength from your Lord. Surround yourself with other women who will encourage you. Never try to do this alone, for you will be overcome with his sin upon you.

Take courage is this as well, the rest of 1 Peter3:7, "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." If you find yourself in this situation, consider yourself to be the one with God on your side. Your savior is listening to you and not to your husband, for his prayers are hindered by his actions toward you. Rejoice that your God is the God of justice and love. Rejoice that with His help, we can endure all things. Get on your knees every morning and petition to God your struggles. His army is mighty and His strength is great. He will hear you, so speak to Him.

Just to let you know, I am truly sorry if you are this woman. I failed in this battle, but you do not have to. Gain strength, take courage, for the Lord is on your side.

Role Reversal

1 Peter 1, "So think clearly and exercise self-control... Obey God because you are His children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, 'You must be holy because I am holy.' ...For you have been born again. Your new life did not come from your earthly parents because the life they gave you will end in death. But this new life will last forever because it comes from the eternal, living word of God...”

One of the hardest things that I have to conquer still today, is when I return to my parents home. It is not even that my family is really all that hard to get along with. In reality, I have a very good family that is easy to be around. The hard part comes from me. I have a tendency to forget who I am today, in my home, and become this other person that once lived in their home. I slip back into my old ways of relating with my dad and with my mom. I carry childhood feelings with me when I am around my brothers. Everything reverts back to who I used to be. My attitude changes. I become this little girl, who wants my mom to wait on me. I become this bratty sibling that feels it is all about me. To conquer this I have to change my focus. I have to change my focus away from them changing their behavior toward me, to me changing toward them.

For the past couple of years I have been working on my attitude for when I go home. The entire way to Texas, I am concentrating on me and how I am going to react to everyone. I have no expectations for them. In fact, I expect them to be the same. If I expect them to be different, then I am setting myself up for disappointment and reverting myself.

This last trip home for Thanksgiving was the best yet. Honestly, I do not know if they were different, or if it was me, but it was better. However, I could still see things that I was doing that I need to let go of. I fear that I am still disrespectful to my dad and I hate that. I just want so desperately to connect with him, but somehow the TV always gets in the way. Then the disrespect comes flowing. How sorry I am for this. But for the most part, this trip was better.

When we go back home, it is like we are going back to who we left behind in ourselves. I would have to say that this is why the holidays can be so hard for so many. It is not really them, but who we become when we are around them. So if you look at it as everyone feels this way, they are becoming who they used to be when they are around us. We all are reverting and no one is allowed to be who they are in Christ, now. My mother becomes the mother of a little girl again. My dad becomes the father he used to be, and my brothers become the older brother again. We all revert. I believe the key to this whole family dynamic, begins with me. I am the only one I can control. I have to always be prepared, "think clearly and exercise self-control... Obey God because you are His children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living"

My earthly parents have done their work here. My brothers have loved me as older brothers. My role has changed. I am now the child of God and I must act like it, no matter where I am. So before you revert to who you used to be, remember who you are now, and take that person with you. Have grace for those who are having a hard time as well. Be prepared for yourself, so you don't slip back to who you used to be. Love them. Love yourself. Remember whose you really are now, before the temptation comes for you to slip back. Have a very Merry Christmas.

The War Within

Oswald Chambers, "Life without war is impossible in the natural or the supernatural realm. It is a fact that there is a continuing struggle in the physical, mental, moral, and spiritual areas of life. Health is the balance between theon physical parts of my body and all the things and forces surrounding me. To maintain good health I must have sufficient internal strength to fight off the things that are external...Morally it is the same. Anything that does not strengthen me morally is the enemy of virtue within me. Whether I overcome, thereby producing virtue, depends on the level of moral excellence in my life. But we must fight to be moral. Morality does not happen by accident; moral virtue is acquired."

I feel I am in a continual war for my soul and my body. Having MS, I am required to eat an appropriate diet, so that I can function. If I eat sugar, I run the risk of not being able to use my hands or feel my legs. There is nothing easy about that war. It is hard to eat the things that I should, but I must be very careful and maintain a sense of self control. This war is very visible for everyone who is eating that peace of cake, and asking me to have a slice as well. For those who know my struggles in this area, they see the temptations placed in front of me. They see the war that I must fight, every day. They may not fully understand, but they watch me in my battle. In watching this battle being played out, it is very obvious when I have lost a fight. It is obvious to me and to those who know me. It is the same with the spiritual battles we face everyday. While it is easy to see when I have failed with my diet, it may not be as obvious when we have lost a fight in the spiritual.

As I look back upon my life, there have always been battles at war within me. As I watch others around me, I can see the wars raging within them. When we have shared with others our struggles, it makes our weakness very apparent to them. One of the things that has made me the strongest is in sharing with others. It is in the sharing that we are held accountable and are given the strength to win the war. We may loose many fights, but we can ultimately win the war. But it is in our weakness that His strength comes through for us.
James 4:7-10, "So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up in honor."

It seems so hard to admit when we have failed. We do not need to let our admittance become a crutch, for that is not the point. The point is for us to let the truth be revealed, so that we can no longer live a lie. It is in seeing our self for who we really are, that the Cross becomes clear. It is in letting others see us for truth, that we can no longer live in denial. Everyone is in a battle, everyday. We are all in the physical battle with our health. We are all in a spiritual battle with our choices. The first step in winning the war is to hit our knees and humbly accept help that God is providing for us. We may not win every fight, but every time we admit our weakness, reinforcements can be brought in to strengthen our resistance. It is in becoming weak, that He can give us strength. It is in our shortcomings, that we can be lifted up and made strong. It is in lying to ourselves and others, that the war may be lost. I never would have been able to do anything on my own. It is admitting my weakness, that I have found His strength. Draw close to God and He will draw close to you.

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/12/04/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Foolish Words

James 3:1-12, "Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring."

When I think of all of the evil and wrong things that I have ever done, my words are the worst. My sexual sin with my ex husband, started with words. My words to him were turned into poison, as they fed his sin, my heart was being trained for even more evil. Prov 5:3, "For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword." I once went fishing for men. My body was the bait, but my words were the hook that kept them coming back to the same trap. If there ever was a woman that knew the power of words, it is me. The hard part is turning my words from death to life.

Prov 4:23-24, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." Some people probably think that I am over doing everything, or that I am a prude. But, do you see how far I fell. I know what is out there, for I walked down that dark road before. Now I must guard my heart. I must guard my eyes. I have to, for I no longer want to be counted with the fools who never learn their lessons and keep repeating the same mistake over and over. Prov 9:6, "Leave your foolish ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgment.” The crude joking; the movies that are very funny, but you would never let your children watch; all things like this, none of them are good for your heart. Why would I ever want to go there again! I must guard myself, for I know how easily I can be swept away by the world. I know how easy it is for me to join in and turn the whole thing bad.

We are told many times in the Bible to take each day, moment by moment. We are never told to live just for the future triumphs. We are not encouraged to only look at the past. We are told to take hold of today and strengthen ourselves for this moment, for this is all we can handle. If I can control my tongue today and not loose my head in the heat of the battle, then this battle today can be won. If I can not loose my temper and allow my thoughts to come flowing out of my mouth; If I can direct my words, so they bring encouragement to those who are struggling; if I can keep my eyes focused on Christ, then this day will be marked down as a triumphal victory. It is a foolish person that cannot control their mouth. Please God, help me to not be that person again, today.

Consistency is the Key

James 2:12ff, "So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law of love, the law that sets you free. There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when He judges you... What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? ...So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. Now someone may argue, 'Some people have faith; others have good deeds.' But I say, 'How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.' You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. Fool! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?... So you see, we are shown to be right with God by what we do, not by faith alone...Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works."

Oswald Chambers, "Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection. Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship with God that shows itself to be true even amid the seemingly unimportant aspects of human life...Such lives may leave you with the idea that God is unnecessary— that through your own human effort and devotion you can attain God’s standard for your life. In a fallen world this can never be done. I am called to live in such a perfect relationship with God that my life produces a yearning for God in the lives of others, not admiration for myself."

The thoughts of grace and works, seem to be contradictory toward one another. On one hand you cannot earn your salvation. I know this, for I was saved while I was living in sin. My good works did not save me, for I had none. But now that I have all of my faith in God, how could I say that I was His follower, if I did not act accordingly? My every day actions show my faith. If I am living one way when others can see me, then sneaking around and doing something different when I was alone, my private actions would contradict my public ones. These can go in all sorts of extremes. For example, lets say that a person seems to be very generous and gives to the poor and helps the needy all of the time, but then never pays their bills and neglects personal responsibilities, what does this say about their true faith? Or if a person is offended when others curse around them and criticizes the way they worship God on Sundays, but then hides and looks at pornography while in private. What does this say about their true belief?

Christ is calling us to a higher standard. We must start looking at everything that we do. We cannot say, "Some people have faith; others have good deeds." He is calling us to be consistent. Having college girls living with me, in my house every day watching everything we do, has greatly opened my eyes to this even more. We are being commanded, it is not a suggestion, that we must not live double lives. I have not perfected this, for no one is perfect, but my eyes have been opened. The question is, am I living a changed life to please other people, or am I changed because I love my God? Are my actions consistent with what I say I believe? Do I have good deeds, because my heart is for God. Or do I have good deeds, so that others will praise me? I could never earn my salvation. That kind of work could never save anyone. "But I say, 'How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.'" If you have good deeds in one area, but then trample on what you have done by living differently in another place, what kind of faith do you have? Consistency is the key. Is your faith consistent with your good deeds? Are your good deeds constant with your faith? Are we expecting our good deeds to save us? Why do we do good at all? Are we completely relying on the grace of God and expect Him to expect nothing from us in return? Consistency is the key....

Our Own Evil Desires

James, I have to camp out here for a while. I love this book. It does not allow me to have any excuses for the foolish ways in which I have lived.
(1:12ff), "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, 'God is tempting me.' God is never tempted to do wrong, and He never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. (1 Cor 6:9, Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols (idols, what draws your eyes away from God), or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.) So don’t be misled... Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless."

Okay this is a long one, but I could stay here forever, verse by verse. So much is brought to my attention as I read this. In the past, I would let others guide me. I became a stripper, because of my ex husbands desires. But when I read this, it places the blame back on me. "Temptation comes from our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away." So I cannot blame anyone for anything. Even now, when I loose my tempter with my boys, or anyone, it is my fault. I am held accountable, for I am in charge of how I act and how I treat others.

I know how God wants me to lead my life. I know it, because I was brought up with His word continually being placed in my heart. I choose to fool myself, look into the mirror of His law and walk away forgetting what I know is right. Every time I don't act appropriately, it is my choice and I am only fooling myself. No one else buys my deceit, for I am the only one deceived in those moments. Everyone else can see, for they are looking at me for what I really am, a person wanting to sin. Then I turn around and say that I don't know why I cannot control myself. It is because I am choosing to "loose it." No one else is to blame. No, you are tempted by your own evil desires.

Oswald Chambers, "The moral law does not consider our weaknesses as human beings; in fact, it does not take into account our heredity or infirmities. It simply demands that we be absolutely moral...The moral law, ordained by God, does not make itself weak to the weak by excusing our shortcomings. It remains absolute for all time and eternity... 'I was alive once without the law, but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died' (Romans7:9). The moment we realize this, the Spirit of God convicts us of sin. Until a person gets there and sees that there is no hope, the Cross of Christ remains absurd to him...There is only one way by which I can get right with God, and that is through the death of Jesus Christ. I must get rid of the underlying idea that I can ever be right with God because of my obedience. Who of us could ever obey God to absolute perfection!"

I am so thankful that I can turn all of my inadequacies toward Christ. I am so thankful that He does not expect me to be perfect. I am so thankful that He does not excuse my bad behavior, so that I am a slave to that behavior forever, either. He gives me the chance to change. He provides me the tools, so that I do not have to live in sin. If I will open my eyes to who I really am, then I can see who He really is. If I will open my eyes to who I am without Him, then I can turn my everyday life over to Him. It is in starting off every day in recognition to who I am, who He is, that this day will be a better one than yesterday. Christ is my Savior, my Helper, my Redeemer, my Lord. I deserve to die, for I know how bad I really am. He took my sin upon the cross and paid the debt that I owe, every day.

"God, please give me the strength and tools for this day, so I can live a life that pleases you, today. Thank you for covering my sin today, with your blood, so that I can live in peace every day."

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/12/01/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Patient Endurance

James 1, (Amplified Bible), "Greetings (rejoice)! Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him. Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind. For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord, [For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides]."

I love the book of James. It is my favorite! I need blunt, unhindered words. I need someone who can just tell me like it really is, otherwise my temptation is to interpret things to suit me. I cannot do this with the book of James.

I feel like I am in a constant time of developing my endurance. I am in a constant time of being made steady in my beliefs and in the trials of character building. I am learning to listen to God, and to be patient while His work is done in me. The hard part is when I really believe that He wants me to do something, then waiting for His timing on the whole thing. This waiting thing is the time when the temptation to doubt God comes into play. "Did He really want me to offer my assistance? Was He really calling me to this task?" This is a time when my endurance is tested. Not my endurance to plow through the work, but an endurance to allow His timing to take hold. For when I have told anyone that I am going to do something, what I want is for it to come into full play right away. But that is not how He usually works.

I have felt in my soul for some time that I would be called by one certain person to speak to others. So when she called, I was ready to go. But now I must wait. I have been waiting for over a year for this to come into full play. Another, I had a very large desire to help in the lunch for our high school girls. I was asked by two other women to walk with them on this journey, but now I must wait. While one waiting is longer and harder than the other, it is in the waiting that Satan tries to come in and place doubt in my mind. "You don't think you can really do this do you? This is going to be too big for you. You should have just kept your mouth shut." Then I read James.

"If you need wisdom - if you want to know what God wants you to do - ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask Him, be sure you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything form the Lord. They can't make up their minds. They waver back and forth in everything they do." This is placed right in the middle of patience! Could this be coincidence? I don't think so. I have asked Him to allow me to work for Him. I want to know what He wants me to do in my lifes work. When I ask, I must listen for His answer. Here is the hard part, knowing I hear His answer, then waiting for His timing. I cannot afford to be "a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute)." I must let my faith to stand the trial and hold firm to that which I know He has called me to do. For I did not come up with any of this. I was asked by others on something that He had already placed in my heart. I know this is from Him and I know what it is that He is asking of me. Now what I must do is to let my endurance be fully developed and for my mind to be as one, not two. Patience is the hard part...

Oswald Chambers, "We must never allow anything to interfere with the consecration of our spiritual power. Consecration (being dedicated to God’s service) is our part; sanctification (being set apart from sin and being made holy) is God’s part. We must make a deliberate determination to be interested only in what God is interested. The way to make that determination, when faced with a perplexing problem, is to ask yourself, 'Is this the kind of thing in which Jesus Christ is interested, or is it something in which the spirit that is diametrically opposed to Jesus is interested?'"
Is it God asking? Am I listening? Am I going to be patient while His work in me is perfected?

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/11/27/devotion.aspx?year=2009

By Faith

Hebrews 8:10-12, "I will put my laws in their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be My people. And they will not need to teach their neighbors, nor will they need to teach their relatives, saying, ‘You should know the Lord.’ For everyone, from the least to the greatest, will know Me already. And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.” Do we realize that we all have God's law written on our hearts. Through the death and resurrection of Christ the new covenant has been placed within all of us. This new covenant has taken away the works of the flesh and the sacrifices that the people were required to make. (9:9), "This is an illustration pointing to the present time. For the gifts and sacrifices that the priests offer are not able to cleanse the consciences of the people who bring them. For that old system deals only with food and drink and various cleansing ceremonies—physical regulations that were in effect only until a better system could be established."

(10:22), "For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water." I am free! There is no bondage in my living any longer. I used to to be a slave of sin. Everything about the way that I lived my life was horrible. I had no freedom to life. From my daily living, to the fact that I thought I would have to get my life in order, before I could be saved, all of it was living in bondage. I had no freedom in my thoughts. I had no freedom in life. I was a slave, bound by the desires of others, all because my faith was weak. But then something amazing happened, I was set free!

(11), "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation." Through faith I was saved. It was by faith that I was finally able to let go and allow God to rescue me. It was by faith that I was brought to a new way of living. It was by faith that I allowed God to change my friends. It was by faith that I was given a husband who could show me who I was in Christ. It was by faith that my addictions were conquered. It was by faith that all of my world is different. It is by faith that I now live.

Oh, how I love my redeemer. How grateful I am that I can finally breath. How thankful I am that I did not have to work my way into His loving forgiveness. Thank You for turning my weakness into strength. (13:5-8), "'I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.' So we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?'... Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." If He can love me, and rescue me from the prison that I was in; If He could come in and save me, when I was unsaveable, then He can save anyone. He can reach into your very world and give you new life. He can change your very existence and give you a new reputation. It is not by works, but by faith. It is in the acknowledgement of His very being. It is in Him that we are brought to salvation. All that He asks of us is for us to trust in Him enough so that we can take that shaky next step in faith. We do not have to have all of our actions correct. We just have to believe enough in order to let go, just enough, so that He can change our lives.

Oswald Chambers, "The great miracle of the grace of God is that He forgives sin, and it is the death of Jesus Christ alone that enables the divine nature to forgive and to remain true to itself in doing so...Forgiveness doesn’t merely mean that I am saved from hell and have been made ready for heaven (no one would accept forgiveness on that level). Forgiveness means that I am forgiven into a newly created relationship which identifies me with God in Christ. The miracle of redemption is that God turns me, the unholy one, into the standard of Himself, the Holy One. He does this by putting into me a new nature, the nature of Jesus Christ."

Thank You, for new life. Thank You, for saving me, before I was ready to change. Thank You, for your patient ways. Thank You, for surrounding me with the right people so that I could finally feel your love through them. Thank You....

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/11/19/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Death has No Sting

Hebrews 2:13-15, 'I will put my trust in Him,' that is, 'I and the children God has given me.' Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could He die, and only by dying could He break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could He set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying."

I must admit that I do not fear death. (For now, it is easy to say when you do not think it will happen right now...I pray my faith only gets stronger in this as I get older). I do not want my children to fear death either. If any of us are taken away early, I pray we can set aside our own loneliness and rejoice with them in their new life. If I die early, I want my children to rejoice. I actually talk about this with them so that, hopefully, they will not be as devastated if it did happen. I would hate for them to never know their God, just because I was gone. (Not that Jason would not teach them, but some people loose all hope when death comes for a loved one.) I tell them what an awesome experience that would be, to finally soar with wings with my Lord. We talk about this, because Christ paid the price, so that death would have no sting. I know what true death feels like, and that is living here without my Lord. But because I have a gracious God, He chose to save me from the power of death. He came and He died for me, and through His death, I now have life.

Hebrews 3, “Today when you hear His voice, don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled, when they tested Me in the wilderness. There your ancestors tested and tried My patience, even though they saw My miracles for forty years. So I was angry with them, and I said, ‘Their hearts always turn away from Me. They refuse to do what I tell them.’ So in My anger I took an oath:‘They will never enter My place of rest.’ ...Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God....And to whom was God speaking when He took an oath that they would never enter His rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed Him? So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter His rest." (4), For this good news—that God has prepared this rest—has been announced to us just as it was to them. But it did them no good because they didn’t share the faith of those who listened to God. For only we who believe can enter His rest.... For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and He is the one to whom we are accountable."

Do you know that in this life, I used to be dead. Everything that I touched, had death in it. I believed in God, but because of my actions, I was dead to His rest here. For it is in obeying Him, that I can finally have rest. And it is in believing in Him that I one day will truly live. My life is finally full. I can only give this credit to the rest that I have found in my Savior.

There are many women out their who have a good husband, that are still miserable. There are many who have a great job, who are still lost. There are others out there, that could have a very blessed life, just as I enjoy now, but they are lost in this life because of the power of death over them. They are searching for something on this earth to give them satisfaction, but they will never rest and be full, for they are not turning to the one who will give them the rest they are looking for. Death no longer scares me. Physical death for the believer is not evil. For Christ came to and conquered death, so that we could truly live. It is in His death that we are given the security to live without the fear of death. It is in His resurrection that we can finally rest with Him now.

Isaiah57:1, "Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die." Oswald Chambers, "Our spirit hungers for more and more. It is the way we are built. We are designed with a great capacity for God, but sin, our own individuality, and wrong thinking keep us from getting to Him. God delivers us from sin— we have to deliver ourselves from our individuality. This means offering our natural life to God and sacrificing it to Him, so He may transform it into spiritual life through our obedience...'If the Son makes you free...' Do not substitute Savior for Son in this passage. The Savior has set us free from sin, but this is the freedom that comes from being set free from myself by the Son. It is what Paul meant when he said, 'I have been crucified with Christ...' His individuality had been broken and his spirit had been united with his Lord; not just merged into Him, but made one with Him. '...you shall be free indeed'— free to the very core of your being; free from the inside to the outside. We tend to rely on our own energy, instead of being energized by the power that comes from identification with Jesus."

Thank You my God, for setting me free and for giving me life. Thank You for allowing me to rest with You. Thank You for finally giving me freedom to truly live, so that death no longer has its power over me. Thank You for giving me life...

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/11/18/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Grudges

I love it when something jumps at me from the pages that I read. The small, short book (well, can you call one chapter a book) of Philemon got me this morning. Paul is sending someone, a slave, a robber, a cheat, back to his owner. A man who had been wounded and had every right to hold a grudge against the one who had wronged him. Paul is writing to him trying to soften the blow for Onesimus as he returns to Philemon. Paul begins by stating how generous, and good Philemon is. Then he tells him to accept Onesimus back without holding a grudge and to forgive him for what he has done in the past. He is calling him to come to a higher standard of forgiveness and love, while he faces the one who betrayed him. But here is the part that I love, "So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge it to me. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it. And I won’t mention that you owe me your very soul!"

Did you see that? Does it jump off at you like it jumps off at me? Read it again. "I will repay it. And I won’t mention that you owe me your very soul!" Paul pulled the, "you owe me card." When I think of the hurt, harm, and devastation that I have brought to others in my life, how could I hold a grudge against anyone who harms me now. I am the slave that betrayed my Master. I was the one who spit in the face of my redeemer, right after I gave Him a kiss! So tell me, how could I carry a grudge against anyone who wrongs me? I have done much worse to my Lord than anyone could ever possibly do to me. So why would I ever think that I have a right to hold on to hurt, when someone wrongs me in some minor way. Even if it is "big", why would I think I deserve revenge, when someone else is willing to take their wrong and repay me their debt.

Oswald Chambers, "My goal is God Himself . . .At any cost, dear Lord, by any road. 'At any cost . . . by any road' means submitting to God’s way of bringing us to the goal. There is no possibility of questioning God when He speaks, if He speaks to His own nature in me. Prompt obedience is the only result. When Jesus says, 'Come,' I simply come; when He says, 'Let go,' I let go; when He says, 'Trust God in this matter,' I trust. This work of obedience is the evidence that the nature of God is in me... God will never be real to me until I come face to face with Him in Jesus Christ. Then I will know and can boldly proclaim, 'In all the world, my God, there is none but Thee, there is none but Thee.' The promises of God are of no value to us until, through obedience, we come to understand the nature of God. We may read some things in the Bible every day for a year and they may mean nothing to us. Then, because we have been obedient to God in some small detail, we suddenly see what God means and His nature is instantly opened up to us. 'All the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen...' (2 Corinthians 1:20). Our 'Yes' must be born of obedience; when by obedience we ratify a promise of God by saying, 'Amen,' or, 'So be it.' That promise becomes ours."

What grudge are you holding on to? Who has wronged you to the point, so bad, that you think you have the right to not forgive them? Do you see yourself as who you really are? A slave whose debt was paid by someone else, for your freedom. Do we really ever have the right to hold others debt against them when Christ is saying, "I will repay it. And I won’t mention that you owe me your very soul!" How a burden can be lifted when I look at myself for who I really am. I am a women, who owed a debt that I could not repay. I am a slave whose transgressions were paid by Christ, so that I could be counted as a sister to others who thought they could condemn me. I am set free from any grudges that I may think I have the right to hold, for He has paid others debts that they owe me. Let freedom reign. Forgive others, as you have been forgiven. He has set you free!

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/11/17/devotion.aspx?year=2009

New Opportunities

"Painful lessons are usually doorways to new opportunities." * Last night we went to a party given to some friends of ours. We were there celebrating with them what God is doing in their lives. They are going to become house parents in Amarillo at the boys ranch there. I have been thinking a lot about what has been going on in their lives and using it to look at my own life. He was a property developer here, and had a very good dream on developing some land that would have allowed them to be set for life. But that was not what God was calling them to do. It is evident now that the pain that they felt when the dream was crushed, was not pain for bad, but pain leading to something even better.

As I have been reading 1 Timothy, I have been looking at it differently. My eyes for the first time have been opened to the writer and not just the one he was writing to. Paul is instructing his younger brother, whom he loves as a son, on how to live a life worthy of God's calling. My friends are being called by God to go and help these young boys. They have already been doing it by running a lunch for the boys here, every Wednesday, teaching and guiding the boys here. God has been training my friends for something even bigger. He took all their financial resources away, through the recent economic downfall, and placed them in training for becoming house parents to many boys.

Genesis 15:5, "Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, 'Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!' And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith." Just like Abraham and Sarah, they thought they would never have any children, but instead they became the parents of a nation. My friends also will become the parents of many. Through their faith in God, by taking the next step that God is calling them to take, my friends are going to impact the lives of thousands. What they thought was an economic disaster has turned into the chance of a life time, all because they are willing to listen to God's calling. They took the first step with the lunch. Now they are taking the next step with their lives. What a blessing. What a challenge to me to live the life that He is calling me to live. What an example they are for all of us to live a life we could never dreamed, if we would only listen to the call of God upon our life. It always starts small. Do you want to do the little thing, so that you can reach even more through the enormous things of God?

Oswald Chambers, "If we are born again by the Spirit of God, our devotion to Him is hindered, or even stopped, by continually asking Him to guide us here and there. '...the Lord led me...' and on looking back we see the presence of an amazing design. If we are born of God we will see His guiding hand and give Him the credit. We can all see God in exceptional things, but it requires the growth of spiritual discipline to see God in every detail. Never believe that the so-called random events of life are anything less than God’s appointed order. Be ready to discover His divine designs anywhere and everywhere." Are you allowing God to lead you? Are you taking the next step in faith? They are never steps that you see coming. They are steps that only God can see where you are going. If we will be willing to let go of our dreams and allow God to guide us, our lives will never be waisted.

I want to say thank you to my friends. Thank you for allowing me to see how you have trusted in your God and to see the amazing blessing He is bringing into your lives. You are truly blessed!! "Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, 'Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!' And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith." I want to say THANK YOU. We will see you soon :o)

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/11/14/devotion.aspx?year=2009

(*Bible Commentary)

Boundaries

1 Thessalonians 1:4, " We know, dear brothers and sisters, that God loves you and has chosen you to be His own people. For when we brought you the Good News, it was not only with words but also with power, for the Holy Spirit gave you full assurance that what we said was true. And you know of our concern for you from the way we lived when we were with you. ...(2:4) Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts."

For the past couple of days I have had a reoccurring theme, it is boundaries. I have heard people speaking about boundaries and seen it on my emails. It is appearing everywhere! When God speaks to me in this way, I must take notice. We have been dealing with boundaries in our house. You see we have two precious college girls living with us. God brought these girls into our lives and so they now rent a bedroom from us. They live with us, eat with us and visit with us. They are part of our extended family, for they have become part of our family by living here. But we have been dealing with boundaries.

Our first concern, and what is most important to us is our immediate family, we have two young boys living here as well. Our first concern is for them, and because of this we have to have boundaries with the girls. We have to have a boundary with drinking in our house, they cannot, we have too much to loose. We must have a boundary on curfew, for we must get up early to take care of our family and if we are woken up after 1 a.m. it is too hard to get a good sleep after that. We must have boundaries, we must. The hard part is that I need the boundaries for myself as well. It would be so easy for me to set aside everything else and just concentrate on the girls, but I cannot. I must back off and let God do the work that He does, and for me to do the work that He has called me to do, and that is to provide a house.

(4:11) "Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others." I must remember that I am not their savior. No matter how badly my heart breaks for them, they are not really my responsibility. I am not their mother, or their god. This is a very hard boundary for me. So while these girls may be thinking that we are putting too many rules on them, it is not just them, I am also learning about boundaries myself. (5:6) " So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be clearheaded. Night is the time when people sleep and drinkers get drunk. But let us who live in the light be clearheaded, protected by the armor of faith and love, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation. For God chose to save us through our Lord Jesus Christ, not to pour out His anger on us. Christ died for us so that, whether we are dead or alive when He returns, we can live with Him forever. So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing."

Oswald Chambers, "What understanding do you have of the salvation of your soul? The work of salvation means that in your real life things are dramatically changed. You no longer look at things in the same way. Your desires are new and the old things have lost their power to attract you. One of the tests for determining if the work of salvation in your life is genuine is— has God changed the things that really matter to you? If you still yearn for the old things, it is absurd to talk about being born from above— you are deceiving yourself. If you are born again, the Spirit of God makes the change very evident in your real life and thought. And when a crisis comes, you are the most amazed person on earth at the wonderful difference there is in you. There is no possibility of imagining that you did it. It is this complete and amazing change that is the very evidence that you are saved." God is the one doing the saving, not me. God is working, I can see it. What has He called me to do? What is He telling me is my responsibility? What are the boundaries that I must make and am I keeping them. Everyone has boundaries that they must live by. What are yours?

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/11/12/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Take Now, Not Later

Oswald Chambers, "God’s command is, "Take now," not later. It is incredible how we debate! We know something is right, but we try to find excuses for not doing it immediately. If we are to climb to the height God reveals, it can never be done later— it must be done now. And the sacrifice must be worked through our will before we actually perform it...God chose the test for Abraham, and Abraham neither delayed nor protested, but steadily obeyed. If you are not living in touch with God, it is easy to blame Him or pass judgment on Him. You must go through the trial before you have any right to pronounce a verdict, because by going through the trial you learn to know God better. God is working in us to reach His highest goals until His purpose and our purpose become one."

If anyone knows the calling of God to change, it is me. How often was the decision placed right in front of me. How often did I turn Him down, only to find heartache in my choices, only because I did not, "Take it now." Every day we have choices placed in front of us. With most of those choices the clear, right answer, we know. It is when we choose to "take it later" that things go wrong. This is a journey that we must partake in on our own, no matter who is around us. This is the personal part. The part that is the most difficult, because during this part, He is calling us as His only child. This is when we run the risk of loosing friends and battling our sinful desires in order to suffer through the boredom. But it does not matter if we do it now when He says, or wait till later, ultimately we must do it. What we have to discover is when is it worth it to us. Do we really have to hit rock bottom before we are finally willing to listen? If so, why? Why do my little boys insist on getting a spanking? Why can't we just open our hearts to the truth, before the beating starts?

Colossians 3:17, "So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like Him...Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives."

We all have choices to make every day. The thing that we have to realize is that His ways are better, if we will suffer through the desires of our own selfish ways. We are selfish by nature, and this is why we hurt others so often. We want what we want and we want it now. But what we must realize is that God is calling us, right now, to change our desires. He is calling us to have a better life. For no matter what our circumstances are, with Him it is better. Do you hear Him calling you to a better existence? Change is hard, but if you can grab hold of it right now, it will make latter even better. "God’s command is, "Take now," not later. It is incredible how we debate! We know something is right, but we try to find excuses for not doing it immediately." Right now, do what you know you must do. Even if it hurts, right now.

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/11/11/devotion.aspx?year=2009

Husbands, Love your Wives...

I have lived two very different marriages, one without God and one in God. How I love the one in God, for God's love is the only way to have a good marriage. My marriage with Jason did not start out as most marriages do. We can truly say that the reason that we got married, was because we felt that was what God was telling each of us to do. God was the reason we were together and God was the reason we got married. Anyone in their right mind would not have wanted to marry me at that time, for let me tell you, I was a broken and battered woman. Jason was not what I would have chosen either. He just was not my type, but I had learned that "my type" was not the right type. Even though the first few years of our relationship were very hard, we were following God from the beginning, and because of this, we have a very blessed marriage.

My vows: Jason, I love you and I know that you love me, I am confident that God has chosen you to be my husband, It is my prayer and desire that you will find in me, the help mate God designed especially for you, And in confidence I will submit myself unto your leadership...
Jason's vows: Jenny, I love you and I know this love is from God, Because of this I want to be your husband, So that we might serve Christ together, Through all of the uncertainties and trials of the present and future, I promise to be faithful to you and love you, I promise to guide and protect you...

I can say with confidence that we have a marriage that represents the love of Christ and trust me, it is wonderful. We did it right, but if you think laying down our own desires in the beginning was easy, you are nuts. It is hard to let go of your life and let Christ take control. Everything in our nature was screaming, "run." But instead of running, we both held on to that small calm inside that was saying, "let Me take control, so that I can bless you."

Ephesians 5:21ff, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

When I left my ex, I left a note on the table. In that note, I said that I needed to be cherished as a wife and not destroyed. For our marriage was not a godly marriage it was selfish and destructive. Then God gave me Jason. I did not understand how much Christ loved me, until I felt the redeeming love of my Husband. He did not care where I had been or the baggage that I was bringing into the marriage. He washed me and helped me to feel pure. He cleansed me and cherished me as his bride, the only one he would ever want. He made me his, and his love was a godly love. He did not want to share my love with anyone, or anything. He loved me enough to show me who I really was, and that was a bride covered under the protection of her groom. This man holds my heart, body, spirit, and soul in his hands. I respect him, with the highest respect. He showed me who my true savior was, by mimicking Him. With God as our foundation, we have discovered what marriages are really for.

Jimmy Evans, "Satan has a special hatred toward marriages. Marriage is the visible image of Christs relationship with the church, in this world. In this way, marriages project the very image of God on Earth... Satan is trying to tear down marriages so that God's authority on Earth will be compromised. Satan did not attack Adam and Eve, he attacked marriages." What is your marriage saying to others about God? How do you treat your spouse? Are they able to see Christ's redeeming love through your actions towards them? Are you cherishing and washing your bride? Are you honoring and respecting your husband? Are you loving yourself, by loving the one you are with? I have had two marriages, one with God and one without Him. With Him leading, you can never go wrong. It is through your marriage that He wanted others to see His love. Do they?

Being a Follower

Galatians 1:3-5, "May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. Jesus gave his life for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live. All glory to God forever and ever! Amen."

I can very easily cry for the past sins in my life. I can mourn for the life that I led and the choices that I made. I do not live in the past, but if anyone knows the severity of my sin, I do. For, I know how many I hurt along the way. The thing that I grieve the most is the fact that I was weak. I was a follower, and a leader. A good friend of mine explained it very well for me the other day. She said, "You and I have the same personality all that matters is, who you are around. If we are with good, they can point us toward good. If we are around evil, we help them in evil. But, it does not stop there, they will get us headed in that direction, then we take off. We become the leader, we just need help in going the right direction." Everyone who knows me, probably sees this, it is the directing that can be tricky. The thing that I am struggling with at the moment are the tears. I am not so sure that I should cry any longer. And yes while I am writing this, tears are forming, but anyway. I cannot cry for how my life has turned out, for Christ was the leader in that one.

Do you know how much I love my God! I am so in love with Him, because I know there is nothing I can do to earn His favor. Yet, He came and chose me. His salvation is a free gift. His love is never ending, because trust me, I pushed that envelope to the limits, and He never left me. Maybe, I should stop the tears from flowing so easily, I don't know. But they are not really tears of heartache they are tears of thankfulness. I am so grateful for the life that I have today. I am so undeserving of any of it, and I know this. I truly did nothing to earn anything that I have. It was all by His grace and favor that I have any of it. My life is different, because I finally decided to allow Him to point me where I needed to go. I finally decided to let go and trust in His love. Do you know how freeing this is? I am finally free, and the more I see that it was His guiding me, that led me here, the more free I am to enjoy my life.

Galatians 3:5-6, "I ask you again, does God give you the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you because you obey the law? Of course not! It is because you believe the message you heard about Christ. In the same way, 'Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith.' The real children of Abraham, then, are those who put their faith in God." I have done nothing to deserve the love of my God. Yet, He died for me and took the curse of the cross upon Himself. If you think that you have to be "good" to believe, then you are missing the point. The actions do follow, but it takes time. What He wants is a repentant heart and a willingness to follow Him, wherever He may lead. Then after you get there, be thankful to Him for loving you, even before you were born.

Oswald Chambers, "Galatians 2:20, 'I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me . . .' These words mean the breaking and collapse of my independence brought about by my own hands, and the surrendering of my life to the supremacy of the Lord Jesus. No one can do this for me, I must do it myself. God may bring me up to this point three hundred and sixty-five times a year, but He cannot push me through it. It means breaking the hard outer layer of my individual independence from God, and the liberating of myself and my nature into oneness with Him; not following my own ideas, but choosing absolute loyalty to Jesus. Once I am at that point, there is no possibility of misunderstanding. Very few of us know anything about loyalty to Christ or understand what He meant when He said, '. . . for My sake' (Matthew 5:11). That is what makes a strong saint."

Godly Sorrow

2 Corinthians 7:8-12, "I know I distressed you greatly with my letter. Although I felt awful at the time, I don't feel at all bad now that I see how it turned out. The letter upset you, but only for a while. Now I'm glad—not that you were upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets. And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart. And that is what I was hoping for..." (The Message)

No one likes to hear, they have been living wrong. Trust me, no one wants to tell someone else they are headed for death. I have been on both sides of the scolding, and both sides I have loathed. When I was young, I was often getting the oral punishment. I hated it and wanted to tell the other person "they were wrong," so that I could go and do my own thing. But, now that I am older, I just hope these younger ones will listen to someone who has already been there.

Paul is speaking here about two different kinds of sorrow. There is a sorrow for the consequences, that inevitably always come. And, their is a sorrow that leads to repentance, a change in our hearts, so that change in behavior inevitably follows. If it is a sorrow for only the consequences, we are doomed to stay in our life of sin. I did this for many years. I was always looking forward to the times when, I thought, I was getting away with "it" and just having fun. It was worth the risk, for my heart about the matter had not changed. The sorrow that leads to repentance is a godly sorrow. It is a sorrow that hits us in our hearts. It takes us to our knees and allows God to finally control our life. This sorrow and true repentance is the gift that He gives us, just before we are born again, fresh and new with Him. This sorrow gives life. The other, only leads us further and further from truth, deeper and deeper into unfathomable consequences.

If we will open our eyes just long enough to see who really loves us, maybe we will be able to listen. If we can listen to their reproach, then maybe we can hear Him calling us to a better life. If we will just listen enough, and stay long enough, then maybe we can see what true living is all about.

Oswald Chambers, "We have the idea that God rewards us for our faith, and it may be so in the initial stages. But we do not earn anything through faith— faith brings us into the right relationship with God and gives Him His opportunity to work. Yet God frequently has to knock the bottom out of your experience as His saint to get you in direct contact with Himself... Faith by its very nature must be tested and tried. And the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God’s character must be proven as trustworthy in our own minds. Faith being worked out into reality must experience times of unbroken isolation... Faith, as the Bible teaches it, is faith in God coming against everything that contradicts Him— a faith that says, 'I will remain true to God’s character whatever He may do.'"

When my heart first began to change, I did not trust that I would enjoy a new life more. I did not have enough faith in God to see the boredom through, so that His true light could be felt. God had to strip me of everything that I was holding on to, and He had to reveal just how detestable I really was. For then, my blinders were removed and I could see myself for what I really was, a fallen, sinful woman, who was dying more, every day. This took time, for there was a war within me. The war eventually boiled down to, "do I believe in God?" Everything that we do, all boils down to this. Do you believe in God? Do you trust Him enough to finally let go and follow what He wants for your life? For what His true desire for is, is for us find out what true living is all about. Has someone come to you lately with a scold or a concern for your behavior? Are you willing to allow them to love you enough, for you to listen? What kind of sorrow do you feel? Is it a sorrow for consequences, or for a repentant heart?

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/10/31/devotion.aspx?year=2009

It's a Heart Issue

1 Corinthians 5:9ff, "When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people. It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, 'You must remove the evil person from among you.'”

This verse has been one of those touchy subjects that I have struggled with for many years. It is not easy. For when you tell someone they are wrong, they often come back with "don't judge me, or you are supposed to love and not reject me, for my sin is no greater than yours." But read it again. What does it say? You can see for yourself what we as Christ followers are supposed to do. This does not mean that we reject those who are weak in their faith and struggling. This does not mean that we are to expect a new believer to all of a sudden "get it all right and live perfectly." For we all do sin. None of us are perfect. However, it is a heart issue.

2 Samuel 12, Nathan confronts David about his murder of Uriah and adultery with Bathsheba. "Then David confessed to Nathan, 'I have sinned against the Lord.' Nathan replied, 'Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin. But you have given the enemies of the Lord great opportunity to despise and blaspheme Him, so your child will die.'” In this, you cannot tell me that David did not know that he was doing wrong before Uriah confronted him. He knew. He tried to hide it, and he married Bathsheba anyway. But, after he was drowning in his sin, then he was ready to listen and repent. That is when God called Uriah to confront the issue. However, David's confession did not take away the consequences for his sin.

God has called us to live to a higher standard. Even if we are doing the exact same thing as everyone else, by calling ourselves Christians, we are professing something completely different. This opens the door for unbelievers to blaspheme God. It is His name you are hindering and His reputation that you are tarnishing, because of the name you claim.

Did Uriah tell David to leave Bathsheba? No, David was married to her and that would just add more destruction upon sin already committed. They were now married, whether others liked it or not. But because of their sin, their children paid a very high price. His confession did not take away the consequences of his sin. His heart was ultimately for God, for He did not try and excuse his actions to Uriah. His response to Uriah was one of sorrow and shame. So here is the guide to revealing your heart. When you are confronted about sin you are living in, do you try and pass the blame on someone else? Do you make excuses and try to defend your actions? It does not matter how you have acted in the past about the subject. How do you act now? Are you full of regrets? You cannot go back and fix the past. You cannot change what you have done or who you have hurt, but you can have a truthful look at yourself and see what you have done to Christ's name, by how you have acted. Are you truly sorry, or do you try and excuse yourself, still?

If you are still trying to excuse what you have done, don't blame others for letting you go. They may be doing exactly what 1 Corinthians is instructing them to do. Don't sit and justify your actions and demand others to accept you. Look at your sin for what it really is and ask for forgiveness. Once we have done this, we are to try and live our lives from this point on to glorify His name. What are your responses to others, saying about your heart toward God? Once you confront someone and they confess their sin with a repentant heart, we are to forgive them and bring them back to Christ's love. From every angle, whether you are the one confronting or the one bieng confronted, it is a heart issue. What are your actions saying about your heart?

Child of the Most High God

As I was walking into the banquet, everything in me wanted to turn and run the other direction. Have you ever felt like a fish out of water, or that you had just arrived for a stoning to find out it was yours? This is how I felt. I don't know if you know much about Mennonites, but they are what I would call very conservative. The banquet was for Open Door Pregnancy Center, and over half of the 600 attending were either Mennonites, Nazarenes, or Amish. And here I was "dressed for a banquet", wearing a nice dress, high-heal boots, make-up on, hair done. The feeling of being a stripper just about over took me. I have not been one for many years, but in that room, I sure felt like one.

God knew I needed this night. You see God asked me, through The Open Door, to be their speaker (not at the banquet, but in the future) , to bring the message of how wonderful waiting until you are married before having sex can be. A center put together by the conservative of conservatives, and they have asked me to deliver their message to teens. This could truly only be God. There is no other explanation. I know this, but the feeling of condemnation just about got the best of me that night. My focus had turned to myself, instead of keeping my eyes on Christ. This never works, for if I look at myself, I see a pathetic woman who made all of the wrong choices in my life. I see a woman who was the worst of the worst, a sinner by a heathens standards. But if I keep my eyes upon my Lord, then I see His goodness and not my sin. For in reality we are all fallen, I needed Christ's forgiveness no more than anyone in that room. Without Christ, we are all fallen and live in sin. Oh, but how Satan tries to defeat us, before we have even begun. He tries to condemn us, before we even walk in the door. He has a way of trying to turn our focus away from Christ and back to ourselves.

Romans 3, 8, "But now God has shown us a way to be made right with Him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses and the prophets long ago. We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when He freed us from the penalty for our sins....Can we boast, then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No, because our acquittal is not based on obeying the law. It is based on faith. So we are made right with God through faith and not by obeying the law... So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death... And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His Son, so that His Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, He called them to come to Him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with Himself. And having given them right standing, He gave them His glory. What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since He did not spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, won’t He also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? No one—for God Himself has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us."

Wherever I go, whoever I am around, it does not matter and I should hold my head high. It is Christ who has saved me, and by knowing that, He has given me the power to walk into any crowd. He called me to go, so I must go. As long as I look to Him and keep my focus on Him, I will be fine. Whatever I do, it is for Him. I am only the one passing on His message, it really is not about me at all. It is not about how bad I was or how good I may think I am now, for all have sinned and no one can keep the law. All that matters is Christ. He has come to save us all, no matter where we have traveled. It is about His mighty saving power. It is about His grace. It is about His redeeming love. It is about the Cross. Romans 10:8-11, “'The message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart.' And that message is the very message about faith that we preach: If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. As the Scriptures tell us, 'Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.'” There is no condemnation in Christ. When that feeling tries to overcome you, hold your head high, for you are a child of the Most High God.

Oswald Chambers, "Thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ . . . 2 Corinthians 2:14 We are to God the fragrance of Christ . . ." ( 2 Corinthians 2:15). We are encompassed with the sweet aroma of Jesus, and wherever we go we are a wonderful refreshment to God."

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/10/24/devotion.aspx?year=2009